Hundreds of lights
have found a home
close to my heart
showing me that
love has lit the shadows
no one else could touch.
In the darkest of moments
I am finally recognizing my truths,
the constant obedience of living faithfully,
and the distant fog that lies
over the unknown path ahead.
Fireflies have extended their light
to show me the way
as I borrow their spirits to guide
to all the unanswered questions
that will find omnipotence
in the illumination of me.
I am finally free
to fly in and out of twilight
into the openness of life.
In this radiance
may courage and strength
bestow love and grace
in all my flights.
MA Mestril 6/16/10 (after our second visit to Asheville)
Last night my closest friends, my two younger kids, and I sat in the dark admiring the fireflies that have decided to visit our place in the mountains. In the same area, where the bird feeders reside, a family of flying squirrels gathers to eat the seeds the birds leave during the day. It is fascinating to watch nature in this place. Between the fireflies lighting the path and the squirrels gliding from tree to tree, we were in complete awed-stricken moments. I was taken back two years ago when we drove up to make the previous owner an offer on the motel. The above poem was written after my first encounter with fireflies. I had never seen them before. And, even now two years later I gasp each time they light up.
Yesterday after working all day in the woods with my son, Bryan, clearing out more sections of the forest to make a meditation space with a hammock, I took a warm shower. I had been in the creek collecting rocks and I looked like I had been in a mud fight. I love the grunge of feeling the earth beneath my feet, the dirt in my hands, my sweat combined with nature. I can’t find words to really describe the joy I feel in playing outside. After my cleanliness back to being a lady, I got all dressed up. I put on my sandals, a nice summer dress, beautiful jewelry, and was ready for a BBQ dinner with my friends. We had a blast. After dinner we sat around admiring the pond as the evening began to engulf the valley. My daughter wanted so badly to go in but wouldn’t do it alone. My friend, Aubrey, jumped in with her. I, dressed up in my pretty outfit, took off my shoes and decided to just seize the moment and go for it. I ran to the end of the dock, took a huge plunge and was immediately baptized by the therapeutic waters.
I can’t tell you how refreshing that was! To get in that cool spring mountain water and swim in my pretty brown dress. It was then that I remembered how rigid I used to be a lifetime ago. As I swam trying to find a warm spot in the water, I got flashes of memories of an old me: the regimental-rigid-broom-up-her-ass Me! I made it a huge point two years ago when we moved that I would peel that person and begin to live life. I wasn’t going to accept life passing through me. I was going to be like that firefly in the darkness creating her own light. So far, I can say I have held up my end of the promise. When you surrender to each moment, life is splendidly lived to the fullest. Try it! You might just be surprised by the child who emerges from you. God visits in those moments when we surrender and return to the child within.
**Note to those who want to jump in water with a pretty summer dress: make sure it isn’t dry clean only…it shrinks and you can’t remove it with ease! (just sayin’ from experience….!)