I’ve reached a mark of 200 posts on this blog site since I began 1/11/2012. I have no idea how I’ve posted that many blogs, or how anyone would have found my writing, or how I’ve allowed myself to share. “Moments with Millie” began as an outlet to push myself to write more and consistently in the mornings. It was a form of “challenge.” Being a strong Aries woman the word “challenge” is like placing fire up my butt. But, I as I look at the posts, the responses, comments, awards, and other characteristics of this blog, I am overcome with a humbling gratefulness that allows me to pause for a moment. I have blogged these many entries because I’ve had support from readers.
These “pauses” seem to be a theme in the past few days. Several days ago while working in the yard I was attacked by a colony of red ants when I invaded their space. Between the scratches, from removing wild roses, and the ants my wounds began to enlarge. Even though I am not allergic to poison ivy, those open wounds allowed the poison to enter my body. I am covered from head to toe with welts and nasty rashes. It’s not a pretty site. However, the ailment and discomfort has arrived into my life as a pause. It has become a giant stop sign this weekend.
I have a tendency to over exert myself when I am on a project. The past three weeks I’ve been on a giant go-go-go mode in our back woods creating sitting areas, enlarging the creek and the flow of water, removing ivy and debris, clearing out spaces for the new labyrinth and meditation area, digging giant holes, collecting rocks, and much more. I have put my body through massive physical labor. My body was not resting. I know this. The Universe and all higher powers have purposely placed a giant (very uncomfortable) pause in my path. I cannot do anything when my body is on shut down. Right now it is struggling to heal.
These irritating welts, that have me scratching out parts of my epidermis, have allowed me to step back, reflect, and stop to be in this moment. I have to ask myself, “What is irritating me that my body has reacted in such a violent way to force me to face?” Summer is our busiest season in our retreat center. I have been irritated many times with myself for not doing more. I realize that I place too many expectations on myself. I ask nothing of anyone. But when it comes to me…well, “an over achiever” title is short of the truth.
This morning, after careful investigation and reflection, I realize that the pause goes much deeper than just removing me from physical projects. It is much more than realizing that I’ve blogged 200 posts in six months. It is about reflecting on my growth this year. I have wanted to write since I was a teenager. I was afraid to share my words or any intimate part of my life. While I am on a project I don’t touch that divine part of my spirit that brings words to the surface. I don’t allow myself the morning time as freely to visit me as when I am not thinking of doing things outside. These welts are a reminder to slow down. They are hills upon little mountains of discomfort that yell out, “Hey, Millie, look at me. Take it easy. Spend more time with Spirit. Step back and enjoy the day. Be gentle with yourself!”
My ego has once again gotten in the way of my spiritual growth. This is something I have tried to stop. But this “pause” is a reminder that ego serves no purpose in my life and yet it is the part of being an over achiever. No one cares if there is an extra hammock in the woods, or if there is another path to explore. Nobody puts pressure on me other than myself. My spirit knows this and each time I allow the ego to guide me instead of Divinity, I get hurt. It is that simple, and that irritating to accept. Ego has been running me to the grown in the past few weeks.
I pause now to thank you all for stopping by and reading my blog. Thank you for allowing me to share parts of my life which are vulnerable, weak, but real. I am grateful for each response, comment, and inspiration. As I enter this busy Sunday I hope you step back and pause for a moment to reflect on what is important in your life. Don’t allow ego to dictate your worth! Let Divinity guide you and take you into the intimate parts of your spirit. Surrender to all that is gentle. Have a wonderful day!