When I woke this morning I thought it was Friday. It really doesn’t matter what day it is. They are all the same. I am not going into an office. I get to go outside and work in nature. Last evening I sat on the dock looking at the pond and all the magnificent colors reflecting from the trees. In a moment I was so grateful. I was overwhelmed with emotions of gratitude for being here. Never in a million years would I have imagined being in this magical place tucked away from the world. I never would have thought my life could get any sweeter and beautiful. It is because of this peacefulness that I have been able to purge things from years of trauma and abuse. My life is quite simple. There are no more fancy cars, trips to Europe, and huge houses. There is no elaborate bank account. There is just me and that assurance that each month the Universe takes care of us and our living needs.
On an amazing evening of Halloween friends gathered here. Everyone shared scary stories, not the ones of the bogeyman but the ones that molded each of us into who we are today. These are the stories of survival, perseverance, and truth. Sharing and shedding old beliefs is never easy. My own past seems to get caught in a web of fears and I have to work really hard to avoid the mental agonizing impairment. I will not go into that darkness that victimizes. I cannot live my life based on what can happen. I am only responsible for this moment. At the same time secrets from childhoods visit so many of us. We are always working to prove the memories wrong.
Each person moves at a different spectrum. Life does not happen to us. Life happens from us. When we let go of those stressful strains that fill our spaces, trying to fill the emptiness, we let go of a struggling life. I live for those moments that I cannot describe because they take my breath away. We are such complex beings, but we are made in the image of divinity.
It is said that time heals all wounds. This is only if and when we are ready to release what has hurt us. I’ve known people whose wounds are older than me and are still living in the memory of the event or trauma. Surrendering, letting go, releasing…these are all beautiful words of wisdom. They sound simple. It’s like telling a person who lives on adrenaline to stop and relax. How? How can one start to let go? Not everything that needs to be learned is pretty. Some things are monstrous, shameful and horrendous in nature, but it is those things that require release. Piggy backing secrets is a sure way of stomping growth and the flow of life.
I am learning everyday to throw caution to the wind. As a friend recently said, “We can achieve anything as long as we get out of our own way.” I am constantly reminded that what keeps me from achieving anything is me. I am getting better at releasing and surrendering. I don’t recognize the woman I was just a year ago. I am peeling the onion layers at a time, but instead of getting smellier as I get to the core, I am getting sweeter. Life is getting so uncomplicated and delicious. Nights with friends, gathered around truth, releasing ghouls and monsters…that is the best therapy in the world.
What are you willing to surrender in order to start living? We all have to be honest and determine what’s important. If your past is killing you then stop looking at the rear view mirror, you don’t live there anymore. Sharing and letting go frees the skeletons in the closet and allows you to finally bury them in the ground. You are only responsible for your life and your choices! Go live!!!!!
“True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”” – Oprah Winfrey