A Mother’s Exhaustion

Breathing…

scarcely,

barely allowing air to reside,

waiting on a miracle.

I close my eyes,

grab onto my chest

armoring it,

bullet proofing all –

this is going to hurt…

more than I am prepare for.

 

It has been a challenge

since the first day

you arrived in my arms, but now…

deep sighs.  Thoughts race:

what haven’t I tried?

what haven’t I done?

how many more mental exercises can I endure?

 

You look but do not see

the grass is greener on the other side

because it sits on a septic field.

I can’t make you love me.

I have only been here to guide you,

protecting you

from the anguished voices in your head:

these highs and lows

take a toll on a household

and patience is wearing thin.

 

It’s okay.  You can leave.

You have to run and fly

without your meds,

without your mom to hold your hand,

with all the twists and turns from this disorder

that has created a wall between us.

 

Go.

make something of your puzzles,

plot and scheme,

but be happy.

I am always going to be here

to love you endlessly

through the labyrinth of your mind.

 

It’s alright.

A piece of my soul is always with you

and when you look back,

if you do,

I will be the light you witness

in the distance

guiding you back home

to us.

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19 thoughts on “A Mother’s Exhaustion

  1. It’s a pleasurable and painful choice, this parenting. I remind myself daily, momentarily that we are two (interdependent, yet independent) brilliant, beautiful beings, with everyone, especially as mother and child (teen, now). If you have a few minutes to spare, exhausted mum, take a listen to this – I Was a Teenage Teenager: The Science of Teen Angst http://blogs.howstuffworks.com/2013/01/03/blow-your-mind-new-years-mind-hacks-and-the-teenage-brain/

  2. Beautifully written.
    Thank you for visiting my blog today. I appreciate the time you took to stop by. May your day be filled with joy and peace.
    BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!

    BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!

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