Rough Mind Chatter

I have a bad habit.  Well, I have a few bad habits but this blog site is not equipped to be a confessional.  I have a tendency of shutting down when my brain can’t handle chit chat.  I can become rather quick in finishing others’ sentences.  I tend to rambunctiously ask a question and when the answer doesn’t come out quick enough (at the speed of light) I end up answering it myself…even if it’s wrong.  So I am trying to slow down (and abolish) this bad habit.  It doesn’t happen every day.  When it does I am realizing I just need to step back and not be with others.  Today is such a day.  Rather than lose my lack of patience with others I need to travel inside of me to see what is causing the brain fart and detachment.  Why is my brain circling in a vortex?  What is going on that I need to rush through? What is missing from my spirit?

I was programmed and trained by my past experiences (the CIA of Life) to be a multi-faceted, multi-tasker, multi-everything woman.  I could do just about anything at high speed.  I would be cleaning the house, home-schooling my children, cooking dinner, writing a paper for school, and magically running a successful business.  I don’t know how I did it.  I only know I don’t ever want to be that person.

I had a guest once point out that multi-tasking was not a good trait.  If you multi-task then you are only giving a percentage of your energy to a particular project.  If you multi-task you aren’t providing your 100% effort.  I believe this true.  I have to be conscious of what and how I do things while finishing one thing at a time (that goes with conversations as well).  I don’t have A.D.D.  I don’t suffer from Tourette’s Syndrome (although at times the words that come out of my mouth would indicate a contradiction).  I do suffer from impatience.  If I don’t get a good night’s rest, I get cranky.  If there are others expecting things from me that I can’t finish on time, I get cranky.  If it’s too damn cold and gloomy, I get cranky.  If people are dishonest with me, I get cranky.  If someone tries to force me to see things their way against my better judgment, I get really, really cranky and shut down.  Other than that I am pretty happy.

We are so wired to do so much to fit into our days.  We take short cuts to save time.  We use technology to facilitate with our days.  My question is where is all that time accumulated at that we spend saving by rushing through things?  When my brain starts going that fast because I am thinking of all else I need to do it is an indicator that I need to step away for a bit.  I have to take a walk, a hike or just sit in silence.  Something has to be done to stop my anxiety.  And, for the most part I am aware of it quickly when I step away.  The anxiety becomes the barometer for exploring a particular fear.  Usually this fear is about not finishing things to the best of my ability.  Once I pin point it I get to return to being a “nice person,” rather than a lunatic who thinks she knows all the answers.

I hope you find a place in your life where you can go and sit quietly when the chit chat starts to overwhelm you.  I gotta go be in nature now…the earth is calling.

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28 thoughts on “Rough Mind Chatter

  1. I hear you and totally understand.
    I have the same problem myself. Sometimes I have trouble slowing down even at the end of the day when I am tired and all my work is done, I still pace. I have found that writing helps and acknowledging this problem, just as you have just done here helps.
    Nature helps me too, yesterday I was especially wound up so I and spent a few hours in the garden; digging and transplanting and taking my agressions out in some good old fashioned manual labor.
    As for patience with other people, well….practice helps…and trying to remember that they don’t mean to be slow. My daughter is very much like me and dealing with her growing up and becoming now a teen has shown me how others see me–THAT has helped a lot. It’s not fun to be on the receiving end of an impatient, smart and quick person.

  2. I agree: multi-tasking is over-rated! I’m allowing myself to savor each moment no matter the activity, or inactivity, involved. Nature, even in NYC, plays a big part in my clearing the slate. Today: a stroll through Central Park with my daughter. Perfect! xoxoM

  3. unfetteredbs

    i’m identifying with quite a bit of this post– I see alot of myself — but it is hard to walk away and be quiet. Chit Chat hurts my ears but most often I cannot get away.. cranky cranky indeed

  4. Same with me Millie! the multitasking and super speed that goes on with me,sometimes has problem to others,or often when I see other doing something at very nominal speed. About your anxiety there is something troubling you perhaps or you need a feeling of warmth and relaxation of mind and heart for sometime

  5. I can so realate! I am a little better than I used to be. I would like to credit clean living and meditation but I think that I have just given up on the idea that I have control of time. Maybe it’s the long commute to work teaching me that traffic happens and there is nothing I can do about it.

  6. You are a wonderful person and I believe you just lack something valuable in your life. Nature is a good track to find it,

    I’ve decided to leave wordpress because Im a restless soul and nature needs my attention more than internet.

    Take Care of yourself Millie!

  7. Just now had the chance to read this post — too many tasks to complete yesterday — and I realized, again, how much we are alike. All those things you mentioned that make you cranky make me positively *itchy! (Just ask Sam.) My best chance at stepping back/away is to just get out in the back yard long enough to take a deep breath and count down from ten or twenty.

  8. Melanie

    I am exactly the same way…every word you said. Thank you for pointing it out, for confirming things I know about myself and letting me know I’m not alone. I will UP my efforts on working on this. xo xo

  9. Nature. Reflection. Meditation. Tranquility. Single-tasking. Focus. Inner peace. Nurturing and valuing one’s Inner Life, and those other struggling Souls around you.

    Yes. It is time. We are on the threshold of . . . . . . well, the Ultimate Lifestyle Shift. The way we were always meant to live. The looooong wait is over — for those who choose it, of course. As things move quickly in that direction, don’t fall for the negative hype and fear-mongering (and howling) as the Old Guard is removed from their lofty positions of control. The Old needs to be cleared away before the magnificent New can be fully birthed in our collective reality . . . . .

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