I have a bad habit. Well, I have a few bad habits but this blog site is not equipped to be a confessional. I have a tendency of shutting down when my brain can’t handle chit chat. I can become rather quick in finishing others’ sentences. I tend to rambunctiously ask a question and when the answer doesn’t come out quick enough (at the speed of light) I end up answering it myself…even if it’s wrong. So I am trying to slow down (and abolish) this bad habit. It doesn’t happen every day. When it does I am realizing I just need to step back and not be with others. Today is such a day. Rather than lose my lack of patience with others I need to travel inside of me to see what is causing the brain fart and detachment. Why is my brain circling in a vortex? What is going on that I need to rush through? What is missing from my spirit?
I was programmed and trained by my past experiences (the CIA of Life) to be a multi-faceted, multi-tasker, multi-everything woman. I could do just about anything at high speed. I would be cleaning the house, home-schooling my children, cooking dinner, writing a paper for school, and magically running a successful business. I don’t know how I did it. I only know I don’t ever want to be that person.
I had a guest once point out that multi-tasking was not a good trait. If you multi-task then you are only giving a percentage of your energy to a particular project. If you multi-task you aren’t providing your 100% effort. I believe this true. I have to be conscious of what and how I do things while finishing one thing at a time (that goes with conversations as well). I don’t have A.D.D. I don’t suffer from Tourette’s Syndrome (although at times the words that come out of my mouth would indicate a contradiction). I do suffer from impatience. If I don’t get a good night’s rest, I get cranky. If there are others expecting things from me that I can’t finish on time, I get cranky. If it’s too damn cold and gloomy, I get cranky. If people are dishonest with me, I get cranky. If someone tries to force me to see things their way against my better judgment, I get really, really cranky and shut down. Other than that I am pretty happy.
We are so wired to do so much to fit into our days. We take short cuts to save time. We use technology to facilitate with our days. My question is where is all that time accumulated at that we spend saving by rushing through things? When my brain starts going that fast because I am thinking of all else I need to do it is an indicator that I need to step away for a bit. I have to take a walk, a hike or just sit in silence. Something has to be done to stop my anxiety. And, for the most part I am aware of it quickly when I step away. The anxiety becomes the barometer for exploring a particular fear. Usually this fear is about not finishing things to the best of my ability. Once I pin point it I get to return to being a “nice person,” rather than a lunatic who thinks she knows all the answers.
I hope you find a place in your life where you can go and sit quietly when the chit chat starts to overwhelm you. I gotta go be in nature now…the earth is calling.