My neighbors returned from Savannah where they went to spend their spring break vacation. Sophia came to see me to tell me all about her trip. She was able to visit many of her friends and classmates from last year when they lived there. She saw a girl from her classroom who was “really mean” to her throughout her first grade. The little girl asked Sophia if she remembered her. Sophia said she did. The little girl apologized in the most grown-up way for all the things she did to her and said, “We were foolish back then when we were little!”
If a six year old can realize the foolishness and ask for forgiveness then I sure can as well. I have committed my share of utter foolishness not just when I was little or younger. I have been part of nonsense many a times in my adult life. I’ve written letters to those I’ve carelessly hurt and asked for forgiveness. Most of them have returned with love. Others, the silence has cut deeply. Sometimes my foolishness has been caused by hurt or a reciprocating of ego-bruising madness. Regardless of who or what initiated it I have learned to take responsibility for my story and actions.
Ahhhh! To hear a little girl’s story while she’s playing with balloons in the kitchen, moving erratically all over the place and her eyes fixed to mine as she retells this story made me want to weep for all my senselessness and rubbish events. But here’s the thing, without those crazy and irrational moments I don’t think I would have learned a thing. I learn mostly by the passionate inability of filtering. My small brain moves like Sophia playing with her balloon. It’s here, there, up, down, sideways, and then…it stops to analyze what just happened. Sometimes the balloon just pops and I am standing still holding no thought at all.
I went to bed recalling my past foolishness. As I was falling into slumber I really couldn’t think of much. I have been trying to desperately forget the hurt from past events. I must be doing a hell of a job. In my healing I’ve forgotten the foolishness: from myself and others. That’s the beauty of finding that the scars are being covered and healed. It does not mean that the injuries, damages, and suffering did not happen. It just means that they no longer control my life. The foolishness, aloofness, carelessness, and lack of knowledge have been forgotten. Each act of stupidity has allowed me to learn and return to love. In my own development I have been able to step away from ego and forgiven myself and others. And, that’s all I need at this moment. We are all so foolish back then when we were…!