One morning, near the end of a road trip in California, I woke early to the sound of rain. I made myself a nice big cup of coffee, dressed in my old jeans and sweater and lit a small cigar my friend had bought for me days prior. I sat on the cement of the porch in this gorgeous ranch home watching the rain lightly fall all around me. Pok-a-dots began to appear on my jeans from the residue. I huffed and puffed on that delicious cigarillo admiring the scenery around me. I don’t ever get to do this at home with kids around. I am also very conscious of cigar smell around others. This moment was for me. Just me and a messy-dirty-adorable dog name Rufus.
We all have moments for ourselves. Life, in all of its completeness, is occurring right now this very second. I take my alone times very seriously. I am asymmetrical. I do nothing in pairs or with any kind of formation. I am perfect in my huge imperfections and won’t apologize for them anymore. This particular moment, sitting in that cold floor, I was wrapped by not only a scarf but the grace of spirit welcoming me to find peace within. Aha moments are always around… here, there, everywhere. All I have to do is pick a spot.
There is joy in the simple things of life: the dog lying next to me snoring, the birds chirping to the entrance of light in the sky, the magnificent sycamore trees erecting towards heaven…so much going on right outside my little head. I stared far into the gardens of this estate witnessing the fall leaves and their colors dancing in shadow and light and the reflection of water magnifying their intensity.
Needless to say, the memory of that morning still resides in me after nine months. The simplicity and joy I felt embraced by peace was beyond description. I need my mornings alone with the Divine. I need to witness the miracle of every piece of His creation. Whenever I don’t get to do this I feel out of sorts, out of whack, and completely ungrounded. My feet must touch the dirt at some point. It is part of me, completing a story of some sort. In those moments I think of love. I reflect on my children, my parents, family, friends, and the extension of love from so many. These are my prayers. By this time in our trip I was ready to return to my life. I had done a lot of purging. I don’t like crowds. I don’t like busyness, chaos, or any form of superficial energy in motion. We had entered and exited several big cities. I needed the mountains. I needed my children and home. We were returning in two days.
Almost finishing my cigar and coffee, my best friend came out. She looked at me and smile, “This is so you. You in a wrap sucking on a morning cigar!” I laughed and said something about my “oxymoronic contradictions.” We shared our early morning laughter. This is why we are best friends. The woman takes one look at me and knows exactly what I am thinking. She can call me out on my bullshit. She can also hold my hand even when I don’t know that I need to be held. And, when she sees me in joy’s arms she joins me there with laughter.
Life is not symmetrical. It isn’t perfect. It is full of oxymoron characters, messy contradictions, juicy imperfections, tiny scars of pain, but mostly it is filled with the awareness that the journey is always the best part. Relish those things you enjoy. Suck on a cigar, drink your wine (everything in moderation), and laugh as much as possible. In the end, those are the moments that will carry you through the path of joy inside. It is then that Spirit is holding your hands. Life is to be attended to through the joy and contentment of simple moments. Find the balance between this moment and all that awakes in you. Experience the awakening and let it take you wherever it needs to go!