Heartbreak for Humanity

small acts

I’ve been a little under the weather the past few days.  I’ve been struggling with allergies and/or sinus issues.  Either way I am trying not to own the physical impairment.  Because I believe in Louise Hay’s theory of emotions (and misalignment in spirit) causing “dis-ease,”  I went to bed last night asking the Universe to show me what was causing me so much irritation.  I strongly believe my nasal irritation had something to do with external forces rather than environmental allergies.

I woke this morning with a deep sense of heartbreak.  I still was not feeling well.  I made it to the kitchen to answer a bunch of emails, drink coffee and say my morning prayers.  In the midst of it all I broke down in tears over the cup, tears flowing into the java.  What the hell is wrong with me?  The answer came in an echo…”the heartbreak of humanity.”

Recent events have caused me some heart ache with family members.  Lack of communication and perceptions have added to some major fall outs.  My best friend reminds me that everyone is struggling with their own demons.  She should know.  She works for the airline business as well as our center.   She sees the worst of the worst trapped up on a capsule.   She has learned that in most cases people project their own unhappy issues onto others.

Now weeks later, after the anger has somewhat subsided, I realize I am irritated by all the comments and separation.  I sat at the kitchen table wanting a do-over.  How could I have let these events happen without standing up for myself?  I should have called the players of this drama and said, “Thank you, but let’s get to the real issue here?”  I mean, why not allow my psychology degree work its magic?  Every part of my spirit knows that this has little to do with me, but rather a break in communication, unhappiness and ego status.  I feel that all the external jabber has passed an expiration date.  As much compassion as I tried showing these folks it hasn’t been enough.  At some point I began shielding my own ego.  I will never do that again.

So today I sat with tears racing down my face, my chest tightening up, and this complete sadness for humanity.  Why can’t we just get along?  I left the kitchen and crawled back into my warm bed.  My boyfriend turned over to say good morning to witness me squirming.  “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Why can’t humanity just get along?  Why can’t we love each other?  Why, why can’t we just find peace within the indifference? Why is everyone fighting to make irrelevant points even when it is so ridiculous?”  I am sure the last thing he imagined was another hippie-I-believe-in-unicorns moment.  He is not a morning person.  Now imagine waking up to this drama?

I will not share his answers.  I think they are more of what I don’t need about reality.  I want to believe there is hope and some magical awakening to what is love, peace and divine light.  His military ways will not provide a fairy tale ending.  His motto is “hope for the best but expect the worst.” And this is fine.  He believes I am “too nice and live in an unrealistic world.  The world out there is not pretty, babe.  You are too trusting!”

Why am I so emotional lately?  Why has my heart opened up so much that I feel this ache for our world?  I read things on facebook that leave me feeling helpless.  I don’t watch the news but then the comments are left in other forms of media.  I find that we dive into the negative a lot more quickly and willingly than finding the light of optimism.  Have we been programmed so severely to believe there is no hope unless you believe in a certain group, religion, political affiliation, etc?  I don’t want to fix the world.  I just want to understand why I feel so broken inside when people, who are supposed to be on my side can create negative energy to bring me down (without even wondering what has happened).

I am reminded of a quote I recently read, “Faith means that you have peace even when you don’t have all the answers.”  And there you have it…I will have the faith needed to stop trying to make sense and allow God to do His job.  I ask, am I alone in these emotions, sentimental mumbo-jumbo, and perception?  Is there something going on mass consciously to stop others and wonder about our humanity?  Or, am I just overly sensitive and entering a new era of hot flashes and the hormonal roller coasters?

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19 thoughts on “Heartbreak for Humanity

  1. I am not trying to minimize your thoughts AT ALL, but I recognize the downward spiral as my own monthly demons manipulate my emotions. It always feels so real. So then why does it seem to get better for a few weeks before I recognize it again…?

    1. I understand exactly what you are saying but I’ve been feeling like this for awhile. I don’t let it dominate my days but unfortunately something triggers an issue and I find myself asking the same questions! Am I alone in these thoughts? Can we all just get over it and get along? There’s so much separation. Thank you for sharing and stopping by. I am always honored to hear from others. I am grateful!

      1. I would say you are not alone in thinking this way. But it is painful to remain constantly plugged into the questions and concerns, so most of us cope by turning a blind eye. I suppose it’s a matter of prioritizing what you can and cannot change. But if, after all that, it is still on your mind, perhaps you have a greater purpose than you are dedicating yourself to right now. Perhaps you can be a part of the change.

  2. You are not alone!! I’m also wondering the same. I can’t watch the news, I try an limit facebook time, too many negative stories and people putting other people down. Why can’t we all just get along? I’ve also been “accused” of being to nice and to trusting, but I refuse to change. I will try and remain true to myself and always give people the benefit of the doubt.

  3. Ah, my dear sister, your hippie unicorn beliefs are one of the things I adore about you! Don’t ever let go of that faith. Quoting now from my favorite Thanksgiving/Christmas movie, “Miracle On 34th Street”, “faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to”. And it’s so true. It would be wonderful if we could all get along with each other despite our differences. Unfortunately, there are some people in this world — like my father’s ex second wife — who insist that you do EVERYTHING their way or take the highway. No compromise, no open-mindedness, no anything, just a stubborn, pig-headed, refusal to believe that there might be a better way than their own. After dealing with these types for most of my adult life, I find it difficult to be quite so idealistic as you. But I love you for your idealism and your faith in humanity and for inspiring me to try to be less cynical and more like you. I can’t avoid the tv news programs since Sam is addicted to them, but I can and do limit my exposure to them during the day. And, when I see an MSNBC or CNN post on Facebook, I hide it unless it’s a positive story of someone rescuing an animal from a bad situation. I’m sick of the crap going on in Washington; but I have to admit that I have a definite opinion on what needs to be done to those who created the mess in the first place. My only advice to you would be to accept the fact that you can’t change people who refuse to let go of the “my way or the highway” mentality and move on. Otherwise you will constantly find yourself upset by their refusal to change. I know it’s hard, believe me, I’ve “been there, done that”; but you do have to learn which “battles” are worth fighting and which aren’t or you’ll go nuts. And, no, you are not alone. I’m enough of an idealist to believe that folks who truly want peace will find a way to bring it into their own lives at least. LOVE YOU!!

    1. Rachel, I will make sure to go check it out. I am still out of sorts with catching up with my bloggers. Thank you so much for the comment and the input. Much love to you! We are all in this together. Millie

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