Tex, our Bipolar cat, switches from nice to mean in a split second. I make the comment to Matt since she’s been in his life for eight years that she is “mean.” He replies to me while holding her gently and cradling her body, “She’s just emotionally honest. She knows what she wants, when she wants it, and how she wants it. She is honest with all of her feelings.”
I thought to myself before getting up and showering, “How many of us are emotionally honest?” A healthy part of living authentically is being emotionally available and sincere with our self and others. We fear judgment, criticism, and rejection so we adjust and modify to the expectations of everyone else. I can look at this crazy cat and understand that she truly is honest with her feelings as she rides the Bipolar Express.
When we are emotionally unavailable life is a huge struggle. We show the strength in our spirit as soon as the walls start to cave around us. Strength is not shown in moments of comfort and happiness. It appears in moments of trials and difficulties through the courage of letting go. Challenges push us to stay in hot water and brew to develop into something magically unavailable to us in other instances of our lives. We become authentically in nature if we allow the self to live in honesty while honoring our truths.
I believe that we learn through the challenges of feelings. We are pushed to escape our egos and allow the Divine to help. When things are going well we rarely go to Spirit. It’s as if we need to find pain in order to fall on our knees and get closer to God. It’s ironic. The lower you are the higher you become. Being emotionally honest allows the freedom to celebrate Spirit, the core essence of our being. I find that the older I get the more emotionally available I become with myself. I am not running. I embrace the emotions, sometimes holding them too tightly to finally allowing them to subside. My humanness craves for the liberation of principle. I am accepting me in the perfection of being the best version of me there is.
Our hearts have to break, pain has to be somewhat present, and then we grow. Sitting with my therapist yesterday I shared a painful story about my adopted children. I had no clue where it came from but the words slipped softly with naked truth. I stopped midway and said to her as tears clouded my vision, “I know logically that emotions live in my brain, but somehow I can feel my heart breaking into pieces when I go to that moment where there is no attachment to reality. I know that physiologically feelings lie in the cerebral cortex but this area (as I clenched my fist against my chest) feels as if it has been reworked, retouched, and grown. I guess it’s like when you have a broken bone. It has to be broken back into place to then set and settle. The bones begin to fuse and we are whole again.” She smiled and said, “I think emotions are really stored in the heart. I’ve never given it much thought but I have to believe they live in there. They move us to open widely.”
I’ve come to realize that’s how it is with strength and God. There is such beauty in allowing the truth to come through our weakness. The more we allow ourselves to feel the discomfort, the easier the journey becomes. I vow to become more emotionally honest like Tex and speak up when the pain appears, when joy embraces me, and when Spirit speaks to me. I wish you freedom as you gift yourself the ability to honor all emotions and live authentically. Life is too short to pretend, hide, neglect and reject the emotional roads that lead to truth.