The other day a friend and I are in the middle of a conversation as she says, “I can’t wait for the wedding.” I paused and then said surprised, “Oh my God, congratulations! I didn’t even know you were in a serious relationship.” She laughed, correcting me, “Not my wedding, Airy Fairy, your wedding in April.” In the midst of my oblivious moment I laughed out loud answering, “Oh, yeah! I AM… getting married… soon. I can’t wait!”
The future wedding day is exciting but it isn’t taking priority in my every waking moment. I forget Matt and I are exchanging vows because we exchange our love every day: as he says ‘good morning, babe’ or reaches for my hand and kisses the top of it for no reason, or winks while tapping my butt with a mischievous smile…. There are so many different ways we exchange our tenderness and love each day. The truth is that vows are bartered, traded and interchanged on a daily basis. I had not known what it was to have a man so present in everyday life. As different as we are, the similarity of our underlining traits live silently dictating the authenticity of this relationship. We are two simple people without drama. It must be rather boring to others the way we fit in this harmonious state.
Truth is that I’ve reunited with my soul mate. I don’t say that lightly. I have had many reunions with many souls but when I met Matt it took me a long while before even admitting that he wasn’t just a “hiking buddy.” I felt way too comfortable and in that easiness I couldn’t understand how there would be a long term relationship. In my past relationships everything required a lot of work, drama, and putting that person on some wickedly tall pedestal. The relationships were full time jobs and the expectations that came with them now seem senselessly ridiculous. Stress is never a good factor or virtue in any relationship or friendship. It is a giant red flag that has engraved on it, “RUN QUICKLY!”
I believe the secret to this love is the mutual respect of space, forgiveness, patience, and grace. Nothing or no one is perfect. I would be delusional to even say that there is always laughter and passion every single day. I am not always riding on a unicorn leaving a rainbow trail of flowers behind me. He’s not always willing to be Vince Vaughn or Adam Sandler when I need him on cue either. We work at it with communication. I’ve fallen in love with a no-nonsense straight shooter who challenges me. He calls me out of my crap. He allows me to be loving without trying to change a single thing about me. This is priceless.
Matt has become my best companion through heart break, loss, financial strains, and human doubts. He wakes me up when I am having a nightmare and always holds me with patience (no matter how this is affecting his own sleep pattern). He makes sure he tucks me in when I go to bed much earlier than him. I love that we can co-exist without having to “fix” the other. There is no need. Only a tender acceptance that we are different, have peculiar tastes in things, yet blend those things in some melting pot of assurance and safety.
What’s the secret to relationships? I don’t really know. I do know that this balance works for me because he’s been the first mate that I’ve been upfront, honest, and completely me. He and I haven’t allowed the past luggage and dirty baggage to dictate this union. He has allowed me to grow, break, while putting a few support columns along the way. We fit because this isn’t our first rodeo and we know exactly what we won’t tolerate from the other, and also what we need from ourselves in the process. This dance of give and take is what we do best.
In 1995 I had a dream while I was starting my long-term relationship with a man for 18 years. I dreamt that I was the bride at an outdoor wedding with a backdrop of mountains. I was barefooted and so comfortable with all my loved ones surrounding us around a gazebo. There was this really tall man standing as my groom but he wasn’t my current mate because he was there as one of the guests. This groom was younger, taller, and I could see only his back. I remember waking up and sharing this dream. It felt so real. As our wedding date arrives I see “that man” much clearer. He is the one I had been waiting for in this lifetime. I am forever grateful that I was given head’s up from the universe. I am excited, giddy and can’t wait to finally introduce him as “my husband.”
When you find the love of your life make sure you hang on to it. Don’t over analyze it with logical scrutiny. Let the heart dictate how it feels. Get out of your head and stop the chit chat of doubt. It is a rare experience, full of lessons, trials, errors, but mostly the understanding that love carries every little thing…every single day. I. Love. This. Man. As. Much. As. He. Loves. Me! I have never been able to say that before now. I don’t take it for granted for one single minute and when you find yours neither should you!