As I write this I sit comfortably in a beach house in Ocracoke Island, North Carolina, overlooking the grasslands of the Atlantic Ocean, dunes in the distance, listening to birds and critters re-entering spring. The only “white stuff” on the ground is sand. I arrived this afternoon needing a few days away from my world. Five days go in the middle of the night I dreamt with a guide or angel who told me to ask for help. The entity was very persistent. I was told (not a suggestion) to reach out to friends and ask for a place where I could go to recharge near the water. As spirit fighting with ego, the stubborn wicked ways of showing vulnerability, I refused the demands in the dream. I woke to nausea and vomit. Once I returned to bed I said out loud, “Okay, okay, I will reach out in the morning but please give me the words.”
When sleep arrived I fell hard into peace. Morning brought with it the perfect words reaching out to friends in exchange/bartering for our place in the mountains. In complete gratitude and shock I received several offers. A friend reached out and offered her brother’s beach house in the outer banks. I didn’t know what and how to receive this gift. The giver in me has a difficult time accepting help. Funny how I am always telling others that in order to be fully blessed you must receive as well as you give. Putting this to practice is not easy.
There are times that certain words make a point of entering our lives with such force that we begin to see that word everywhere. We begin to take notice of it like a new pair of shoes that you thought were unique and now everyone has them. In the past few weeks the word, “vulnerability” keeps showing its letters in neon lights. It isn’t easy being vulnerable to others, and allowing the truth of what feels like weakness expose itself without a shield. Vulnerability isn’t frailty as we have been taught. It is bravery, kind, beautiful and truthful. It doesn’t need protection. It requires honoring, exposure, and acceptance of who you are and where you are going. Taking that risk is true Divinity. The more we allow others to see who we are the easier it is for us to grow and evolve into our authenticity.
Being near the water, listening to the waves swiftly shift through the edges of the world, as sand molds to my feet, my heart lightens its load. I don’t know how much more there is to give that I haven’t given myself. I do know that this business of being human is hardcore. It requires presence, forgiveness, understanding, patience, compassion and a lot of self love. As I pick up the remnants of rocks and shells I gather the awareness that we are just like these pieces of decay on the shore. There is such wear and tear, molding, sanding, release and endurance while fighting the tides, storms and chaos of external forces. For me it is always difficult to accept help and show my fragility. I do well with others. Honoring my nakedness and helplessness is something that has become very real to me lately. I know it is okay. I know I am not alone in this. Months ago I wouldn’t have even thought of asking. Now, because I showed my humility, the core of my necessity, I sit breathing fresh ocean air. Tears roll in gratitude for the next few days of sheltering near the ocean. I am changed because of such kindness.
I have been taught a powerful lesson in exposure. What I thought was dependency is freedom. What I thought was frailty is actually strength. It takes courage to ask, but it takes an adventurous spirit to move through the rawness of it all and accept. I am forever grateful for the kindness, love and support I receive. Having been the one to always give this is a lesson in the balance of it all. Learning to accept and know that I am worth this is beyond anything I could have known. I once had a mentor that said to me when I had a hard time receiving a compliment, “When someone gives you a flower, what do you say? You say ‘thank you’ and take it. You don’t reject it. It’s rude!” And so, I say, “thank you” to the Divine for all those who have given me this little flower of peace, love and hope.