Tenderness of Time

tenderness

Some years are pretty uneventful with life changes.  You go through the daily routines, family issues, keeping the same jobs, everyone is healthy, same friends, and life is pleasantly stable.  But, there are some years that come in like a massive tornado storming through everything and twisting your life around.  This week has been the anniversary of such a year.

In a year’s time I’ve lost loved ones to misunderstandings and family gossip/issues.  I’ve cleared up my friends’ list and stuck with deleting those who didn’t really show me the utmost love and respect.  I got engaged, had a granddaughter come live with us, died in the hospital for a snippet of a moment, fell deeper in love with my fiancé, acquired him as a house mate with a bunch of animals, had to sell my car, awakened to many different possibilities, and had my last child graduate from high school.   I have seen my dearest of friends endure difficult life transformations; my children make painful choices; dealt with stressors of mental illness and destruction; and even made friends with a neurotic cat I thought hated me.  A year has brought me closer to many who I wouldn’t have been closed to before.  I have met amazing souls.  Most importantly I have made peace with me.  I’ve forgiven myself for a lifetime of self-deceit.

I have had several other things happen this year: personal ones that have deepened my faith, spirituality and belief system.  I have entered into the wise years of midlife with some acceptance that I know nothing of what I was able to articulate for most of my life.  I know zero…zip…nada.  I’m okay with that.  I am learning to keep my mouth close to those around me of things I feel, but my ears opened to the things I can share.  My heart has been broken, healed and enlarged because of such acceptance, conviction and awareness.

I am empowered by a few things: the surrendering of pain, the consenting of change, and the reward of letting go.  It isn’t easy!  I am still very human and learning is a constant complex forte.  I am selfish with my time, even now that it seems to move quicker with a little one in tow, and the solitary moments of having Divinity visit every morning.  I am trying to find balance where there seems to be a disproportion.  But, it is all a matter of perception.  I have always wanted this moment and this life. I feel gratitude embracing me when I step back to realize I have received everything I’ve manifested in my dreams.

A year in a life can make a huge impact.  Anniversaries of hurt and betrayal stay for a while.  The year is over.  The mourning has subsided.  I have so much more to enjoy ahead of this journey.  All hours work with the days whether we accept them or not.  Each day works beautifully within the weeks.  Each week flatters the consecutive junction of months.  And, each month gathers in triumph as the sum of a year.  It is nothing in the scope of reality.  Everything is an illusion of how we choose to live our lives.  Every lesson this year has been inspired with surrendering, love, compassion and most of all connection of self and spirit.  The greatest exercise has been in loving the tenderness of time.  Holding my granddaughter and feeling her joy, sadness, love, and spirit has been the icing of the cake this year.  What better way to begin a new chapter?  May your painful endings connect to wonderful new beginnings…always!

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19 thoughts on “Tenderness of Time

  1. Tom

    “… misunderstandings and family gossip/issues.” seem to take a disproportionate toll, severing relationships for inexplicable reasons. If I can, somehow, get beyond letting them establish a root system in my soul and avoid a shattering of inner peace, I’ll be grateful. But it sure as he’ll isn’t
    easy when the foundations of unconditional love show visible cracks and signs of failure.

    Thanks for sharing a bit of your year. As the saying goes: Life is a mystery to be lived, not a series of problems to be solved.

  2. I recently read that in Sanskrit, the definition of “human” is “the dispenser of the Divine gift.” Millie, amiguita querida, you are THAT, indeed! xoxoM

  3. I add my thanks to the others. While we pray for change, the change we get may not always be the change we want. I like “Tom”s comment about life is a mystery to be lived. A good way to look at it as oppossed to seeing it as problems.

    1. Tom

      Amen to that. Being open to the learning seems to be essential to our moving forward, freeing ourselves from the irredeemable past. It is our future that holds the redemptive opportunities.

  4. What I know for certain is that I would not be the person I am today without rocks in the road, places where the path disappeared into thin air, without the breaking. Beauty takes us sometimes a different way than we had planned, but only to arrive right on time. I am grateful for your year. ❤

  5. At we get older seems wise to reduce portfolio of things and attachments including people as you seem to have done with your friends list. With health issues now have time for quality relationships only. Thanks visit my blog.

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