Our only car broke down yesterday down the mountain. Matt was driving slowly when the right side ball joint came off. Last year around this time the other side came off in a parking lot. Both times the Divine has been with him in that he wasn’t driving fast or on the highway. We are always taken care of in the way that suits our lessons and pushes the evolution of survival to expand in the awareness of God. At the moment of the unfortunate event (and his growing agitation) I asked what I could do for him. His answer was, “Nothing. Unless you can pull a miracle out of your ass!” And, so I sat at home and began to manifest a miracle. Funny thing about miracles is that if you don’t specify what you are needing the Universe will give you another miracle that’s been in line waiting for the asking.
A few hours later my 19 year son, who left home a year and a half ago, called me. He wanted to apologize for everything he ever did: the disrespect, the attitudes, the pushing away, the horrible things said about me, and the disregarding of my parenting authority. We had not spoken in that time other than when he needed a specific paper or something for whatever he was trying to accomplish. We had become two strangers. I expressed to him, through heartfelt sobs, that he will forever be my son. He needed to go off and find himself. He needed to experience the rough edges of the world and return with scars from trying. He needed to live out the illusions of freedom and what it returns when you aren’t careful in your decisions. That’s the battle of youth entering adulthood. There are lessons in letting go of our loved ones even when we know they may be hurt by their choices. I obliged and respected his wishes to be left alone. Not one day has passed that my prayers did not travel time and space to him. We spoke for a short while. I assured him that he could do anything he wanted to and that I would always be here because I was Mom. I am proud that he is figuring things out. This was a miracle in waiting. It had been standing in line until I asked for it to come forward…”just a miracle” and no specifics.
There are nights I lay awake thinking about my six children. I am certain other parents go through the list of questions: What did I not do right? What could I have done differently? Will they look back and realize that love was always given in abundance? Will they have taken into adulthood the knowledge that material things don’t really matter? Questions gather and release. And, as I toss and turn, churning on the mattress, I come to listen to my inner guidance. I have done the best I could do under my limitations and capacity. People will always look inside glass houses, attempt to judge, criticize, and belittle. No one knows your path, the struggles along the way, the many times you had to bulldozed your way to the other side. These thoughts come and go during nights that sleep eludes me. And, then, another miracle appears: as daylight enters the room the Divine visits with assurance. I take deep breaths, thank the Universe for allowing me to redo all the wrongs, and continue learning. I go outside, sit on my deck and enter the church of nature. It is there that I find the peace to comfort my spirit and quiet the many unknowns. I am the best possible version of me and I whisper to God, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!” I am whole again.
Asking for a miracle is allowing God to align your wishes with what you deserve. It is a faithful act of letting go and releasing to the unknown. It is in believing that we are entitled to the impossible. Once you know and feel the awareness of illusion in that everything is okay the world opens up to your every desire. We have no control of what can and will happen. That’s the miracle. As Lemony Snicket says, “Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see.” Allow those little pimples to pop and show you the beauty of your wishful heart.