I am a simple woman that expects miracles through hard moments. I don’t always have the patience to wait but I do live my life knowing they arrive just at the exact timing I am about to give up. These miracles come through people, things, synchronicities, and serendipitous events. One thought ties the end of a universal cord. This is called a blessing. I am always asking God to please provide “this or better.” I am always asking my guides, angels, and the Divine to be gentle with my teachings. I see how difficult I’ve made it to learn gently in the past. My “tenacity” (a.k.a. stubbornness) is not a fun characteristic.
For many years I had a vision, an idea, of what I wanted in a mate. I wanted him to be above a certain height, intelligent, witty, non-judgmental of my spirituality, secure with his own life that he wouldn’t be jealous of my friendships, loving with my children, a comedian at heart, and many other little details that I wasn’t willing to settle without. I would end my prayers with, “this or better, God!” Somehow I got the better with my fiancé, Matt. He is showing me every day what it is to have a real partner in life. I am learning what it is to count completely on another. He doesn’t push or pull. He sits and waits for me to arrive at that place of vulnerability.
I have found an endless river of love flowing through us, sometimes not in the colorful composition I had envisioned because I had no live example for comparison. Not everything is a Hallmark movie extravaganza but there is a miracle in his gentleness, acceptance, love and support. Every day I see the truth that I am no longer swimming alone in this journey of life without a mate to reach and grab me. I tend to forget that I can count on him. I tend to bulldoze myself into a frenzy thinking I have to do things alone while not inconveniencing him. He comes through and reminds me that we are a unit: in the good times and in the rough ones. The past few months have been full of confirmations of his commitment. There are no perfect souls who live in constant harmony. We work at our flaws, traumas and constant lack of understanding for one another. We are mirrors reflecting those issues that need forgiveness from past relationships. I am forever astonished at the huge blessing of being able to unpack our previous baggage and make room to live together. This union is a great mystery to me. I no longer have my running sneakers around. I know we are in this together for the long haul. Neither one of us knows why we are with one another. It’s baffling!
There are amazing mysteries in our universe: the great pyramids, the Mayan calendar, the conscious mind, the cosmos, the beginning of time, parallel dimensions, how I raised my children pretty much on my own, and meeting this man. These great mysteries aren’t meant to be solved. They are as apparent as love out there in the world to ponder and accept. We are constantly trying to solve the phenomenal things in life. Some things aren’t meant to have specific reasoning. Miracles happen every day. We are born out of extraordinary paradoxes. We survive illnesses, near-death experiences, personal losses, and so many heart aches. We come out from difficult situations and have no explanation for them…except that something greater than our humanness has intervened. This is the miracle! The mysteries of our existence lie in the knowing that there is something superior above all reasoning. It is that knowing that gets us through the difficult times. Some call it Christ, Buddha, God, the Divine, the Holy Mother, etc. There are millions of names and expressions for this mystery in our existence. There are millions of ways to perceive the lessons and the kind revelations.
I have stopped looking for that which cannot be understood (for the most part). I am trying to accept the inequalities with the ease of things, both in life and in our relationship. I have been fortunate to entertain angels in all forms, shapes and sizes in my life. I can’t imagine traveling through this next chapter of our lives without his support. His loving gentleness with our baby girl melts my heart and when he’s not looking allows me to fall deeper into the truth of our partnership. The evolution of my soul depends on those who touch me and this man is helping lead the way through the good, bad and in-between moments of this journey.