Reminder of Living Fully

owning our feelings

What an amazing reminder….

For a great part of my life I blamed my circumstances (which were pivotal lessons in my growth) on another. I felt “stuck” and blamed the other person. I felt as if I was surviving and not living because of them. Freedom finally arrived when I saw them as teachers and took responsibility for the choices I made, the decisions I participated in, and the life I was living. Sure…it is a lot easier to blame someone else for our life not being how we envision it.  Sure…it is comforting to sit back and point to another for “ruining” our journey.  Sure…it is easier to be a martyr and victim than to fully take on those things and move forward with grace.  Grace is hard.  Moving on through the storm is painful at times.  But, when you own those feelings the illusion of blame and control go out the window. That’s an awareness that arrives with a sense of independence and no one or anything can replace it…ever again! This is where healing begins.

I am constantly being shown that the life I chose to lead was a blessing.  It has brought me here, to this point of my life and I must embrace it.  Every thought and action has pointed to this very moment.  I am the oldest I’ve ever been.  And, with each passing day I realize that freedom arrives in the form of forgiveness and letting go.  You are not responsible for anyone but yourself.  And, no one is responsible for you or your mishaps.  Things happen in the order that they do because they have been carefully orchestrated to move you to the highest possible awareness of the self.

I remember saying this to someone at some point a few years ago.  “Everything that has happened to me has been to enrich the evolution of my spirit.”  The woman immediately looked at me and said, “Really?  Even your rape was for the evolution of your spirit?”  (This was asked in a very patronizing tone). I recalled smiling and answered, “Especially the rape and every form of abuse thereafter because I am this person today due to the circumstances of my past.  I am not a victim.  I am a survivor.  The stories we share are molded to feelings: reactions, pity, joy, learning, teaching, and so on.  We share them because those stories are who we are.  We continue to share them because they must be removed from the depth of us in order to move on.”  I don’t think she agreed with me.  She continued to blame another for the “horrible things” that happened to her.  And, those were her stories.  We all have them.  They make our psyche, feeding Ego, and drowning Spirit.

So, as a reminder of what we are and who we can be…this very moment is a lesson.  Tomorrow will arrive with a different one once we release the old patterns of thoughts and feelings.  Blame serves no one.  Forgiveness is not for anyone else but yourself.  Stop carrying around the past on your back.  That backpack can’t hold anymore crap…!  Have a great Saturday.

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20 thoughts on “Reminder of Living Fully

      1. Millie, I can’t get what I want in my head to work as a post. I keep wanting to respond directly to taking steps and walking through bad things that happened in our lives. And yes, those things got us to who we are. And I totally understand what you mean by that.

        Even though I can’t get it out the way I wanted, I wanted to share it with you.

        The steps I took forward. The steps I took when I faltered backwards and fell on my ass. The steps I stuttered about as I stood back up and regained my footing. The steps I took as I took a punch and remained on my feet. The steps I took with burden on my heart, or soul, my shoulders or back. The steps I took where I barely touched the ground because faith or friend lightened my load. There are steps I took that took me nowhere and I had to wonder, lost, back to a point where I could find a way again. There are steps I took with certainty and purpose, only to lower my head in disappointment or shame, to discover those steps were taken with arrogance. Some steps I took hesitantly to discover them more sure footed than any planned steps I ever took. Some steps were skipped through with joy or danced about on happy toes. Some steps took me up heights I was terrified of climbing, and down lows I didn’t know for sure how to step back up out of. I’ve taken steps that I can’t figure out how I managed to take. I’ve stepped in stuff that I’d rather not have stepped in. And I’ve been lucky enough to step right in to good fortune.

        I think, I may have stepped on a few toes along the way. I’m sorry about that.

        I am who I am because of the steps I have taken.

        Considering where I am-I would not eradicate the wondering, lost, intended, painful, curious, uplifting and amazing steps.

        Not a one.

      2. Oh my sweet, lady. You just wrote the post. Wow…such bravery, courageous out pour of human awareness. I am sitting here smiling at your awareness, acceptance, and journey. You are who you are because of all those “steps.” And, you will continue to step forward through more, sometimes even stumbling and stepping over some other toes. These are the things that make us, break us, and teach us. THANK YOU! You have been my teacher today…and many other days. Move forward…post this as your blog. It is fabulous. I am always amazed at how things come out when we stop trying to conform them into perfection. You are perfect the way YOU ARE right now, my sweet Colleen. I love you. What an amazing honor to be your student and friend!!!!

      3. Ah Millie. 😀 Thank you. Just knowing someone understands is a gift in it’s self. Thank you for that -sometiimes- in – life – elusive gift of acceptance as well. ❤ You have given me strength and light this morning Millie. Thank you.

      4. And this is why we are here ~ to be support columns for one another. We don’t travel alone….we have pillars always around us to lean on. Sometimes they are worn out and others beautiful marble ones. I applaud you for writing it. Keep moving and sharing….you are exquisite.

  1. I’ve been trying to say that for years but these words are just right. I was only a victim when I allowed myself to be and now I don’t I am me. Thank you for the inspiration to continue to be….

  2. I’m at that same place. I spend sleepless nights with the woulda, coulda and shouldas. Why didn’t mom tell me. Why didn’t this one explain or that one warning. Maybe they did but I didn’t listen. I realized this is my life my journey. Had anyone tried to show me the way, I wonder would I have listen. All that I’ve seen and experienced made me who I am today. Today I like myself most of the time and I sure there will come a day when I will honestly love me. So I know what you’re saying I think these are the thoughts that earn us these silver locks. When we realize we had choices even when we didn’t we had choices how to digest that experience.

    1. Oh dear friend, I am not one to learn from another’s experience. I must travel it, fall from it, and carry the scars. The shoulda, woulda, coulda days are over. I applaud you for digging deeply and being so honest with yourself. Bravo. Sending you a huge cyber hug. Have a wonderful day…Millie

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