As part of a Christmas gift this year, I gifted my eldest son a baby book I recently found in a box in the basement. In it were 8 or 9 letters written to him before he was born, including the one of the day I found out I was pregnant with him. I left it all in a gift box in his room for the night he arrived from New York City. The next morning he came to me and hugged me tightly with tears in his eyes. He said he spent hours reading the baby book from cover to cover. But, what touched the core of his heart were the letters I wrote to him that shared my hopes and dreams of his future.
I was told at a very young age that I would not be able to have my own children. With every passing year after twenty my chances would diminish. I spent most of my teenage years creating a plan, rushing through school, jobs, relationships and life just to make sure I would align with motherhood. I got married at 18. Immediately we tried to get pregnant. I did conceive twice before my son, to later miscarriage. He and his brother have been true miracles in my life. The other four have been even greater surprises from the heart. I am a blessed woman.
This morning my son and I took a long drive through the mountains, taking pictures of the fog, the mist, the gloom of winter while talking along curves and country paths. At one point he touched my hand and said, “Thank you for always being such an amazing woman, especially for being such a giving mother. You have not changed a bit throughout the years. Just reading those letters and how dead-on you were predicting the future has allowed me to see you in a depth I never saw before. Mom, I knew you have always had an open heart but reading things from when you were 19 years old and how you still see the world so innocently and lovingly makes me realize that there are few human beings like you. You continue to make me want to be a better person. I love you!” Needless to say I had to stop on the side of the mountain to cry, thank him, and hug him.
Kids have a way of immortalizing parents at times. My son is 26-1/2 years old. I was honest with him and told him that I had not read the letters completely. I only skimmed through the first one and my emotions were pricked and pulled out of the present state of joy. I put them in the box. I am glad I did not read them. Those letters weren’t for me. They were for him to find answers that he has been searching throughout a lifetime. Time has a way of revisiting us in the most amazing places but sometimes at the most unfortunate times. (Then again, nothing happens by chance or mistake). Because we live through perception and illusions, the past has little to do with this moment right now. But without it we do not become who we are today. We cannot move through the veil of myth and arrive here safely without acknowledging those stories that have created, molded, and strengthened us.
There’s a need to be acknowledged, recognized and understood. There’s a desire to be heard. There’s a necessity to be held, touched and loved. There’s a yearning to acquire freedom through another who can see us and still love us unconditionally. The best gift we can give another is the present. Being mindful of how we light up when they are near us, or how they impact us through kindness, are just some of the ways that we can gift humanness onto another. It’s simple. We are simple beings taught to create drama and complications in order to get attention. We’ve been taught erroneously. We’ve been instructed to fight for attention, time and love. But, we have done the best we can with what we have. It’s never too late to change the present. It’s here. It’s now!
The present moves through in a split second. Stay here! Stay right here and allow your loved ones to witness the quality of time. Allow divinity to shine on you and yours. Own your stories while holding hands, hugging, and listening through moments of laughter and tears. We’ve lost the art of gathering, communication, and true love. In the end there is only love….make it available to those who truly matter in your life. Mucho love and happy holidays!