Yesterday afternoon Matt, baby and I ventured for a late lunch in Downtown Asheville. The sun was out, the places were packed and we enjoyed sitting outdoors to eat a delicious Mexican cuisine. Afterwards we decided to walk the streets. With him maneuvering the stroller I was free to daze out. This man knows me that well. He knows that I can’t be among so many people without putting some kind of bubble around me. As he walked ahead looking at the sky, the buildings, whatever else was around I heard, “Hey, Captain Oblivious, look where you are going!” His voice always brings me back to the present as I was crossing the street with cars flying by. But, this is the thing: I truly have to keep myself out of focus with so many people at times. If I become aware of each person I begin to see the heaviness that others carry in their hearts. People piggy back everything in their spiritual bodies. I begin to witness fractured hearts everywhere.
A friend recently told me that there was no way to ever get into another relationship. This thing of falling in love is dangerous and painful. It’s better to be alone. You can’t get hurt if you stay alone. I listened. I know what it is to feel the destitution and betrayal of another. I know the hopelessness, shame, rejection that arrives from being vulnerable in an intimate relationship. But, those relationships were great…yes, even the shitty ones. They were amazingly powerful. Some taught me things about me that I never saw before. Others forced me to change those things I didn’t like in them while projecting in me. I love each one of those past lovers. Each one! Even the most detrimental experience showed me something powerful about darkness. So to shut it out completely is like stopping the flow of breath and life.
It takes time to heal from this brokenness of love. Often times it isn’t the love that needs healing but the idea that it was love and not lust. Love is wonderful and magical. It can leave us depleted and ruined when it departs. But, we can’t blame the other person completely. We took part in the journey. I always ask myself, “What was I suppose to learn from this? What the hell did this person bring up that has left me feeling like the worst possible person in the world?” Oh, I have tons of questions when this happens and then, when I least expect it, I find the remains of something beautiful. Sometimes it wasn’t about teaching me anything. It was a soul connection that needed mending from another time and space. I’m no expert. I have had my shares of anger, depression and disgrace because of past relationships, but I have given myself the time to heal and have gotten up again to get back on the horse. My tenacious ways don’t allow for another to take my power anymore.
Had I not put myself out there I would have done myself a great injustice. I enjoy being in a relationship. I enjoy loving someone. I love laughter, intimacy, and craziness. Part of my journey is to love unconditionally. If I get hurt I will return to the starting line and begin the race again. I don’t hold resentments. I forgive rather easily. I let go even quicker than before. I take my losses, fold the winnings and continue with on the path. Perhaps I am a sucker for punishment. I don’t know!
Love is not meant to be kept and guarded inside our bodies. The damage is astronomical. If you see the bitterness, anger, and sadness that others carry around you just want to stop, grab their hand and hug them. But, our society is not programmed like this…yet! So, I walk around in oblivion once I know I am only responsible for me. You were given love to share. You must give it away. It isn’t yours to keep only for yourself. The heart breaks often, not just from relationships but from so many other situations and events.
You must forgive those souls who taught you the pain. You must forgive yourself for participating in the stories. This is part of our human evolution. It’s okay and it will be alright. It’s more than normal. We are here together. You can’t be an island on your own…even Tom Hanks began to talk to a volley ball and give it love. You must be willing to stretch your spiritual heart and provide the world with your best. We are all interconnected by this one vibration. And guess what? Most likely someone will hurt you again and again. And, guess what? You will continue to get yourself right back up and continue to forgive and love. This is what we came here to do. It’s our human responsibility to let go and continue to love again. Now go sprinkle some love and kindness out there. Have a blessed day!