Dying to Live

dying to live

We die a little every day.  We are born into a journey of endings.  Things begin and end.  We don’t know the day we are to transcend or leave this place.  Our existence is not written with a known expiration date.  I have a HUGE issue when doctors tell a patient, “You have two months to live.  You have an X amount of time.”  This act stops the person from living.  It stops becoming about life and all about dying.

A friend of ours was here for a few days.  He has cancer.  He’s dying.  He knows it and so does everyone else.  I am dying as well.  I might have a day or I can live 40 more years.  I have no clue when it will happen.  I am not focusing on that last moment.  I am living to the best of my ability with the days I get gifted every morning.  But, seeing him living fully these past few days…well, a part of me struggles to accept that he has days counted for because of a disease.  He’s healthy.  He is brilliant.  He is tenacious and hysterical and is living on his terms.  I admire him to a degree that I didn’t know possible.  He isn’t just existing waiting on a deadline.  He is moving through these days waiting on the gift of miracles surrounded by love.  Ultimate time tells everything.  And time, my friends, is also our ally when it comes to truly accepting and letting go!

Somehow we get so focused on the end.  We forget that every second is a new beginning.  We try to control our lives and others fearing the moment we are to die.  I am not afraid of dying.  I am afraid of not living fully.  I am frightened of not sucking the joy out of this journey because of a bad day or situation.  I am terribly mortified by the thought of taking another day for granted because of obstacles.  I want to live.  I want to live like I haven’t wanted to live before.  I want to meet like-minded people with laughter and intelligence.  I want to hear their stories.  I crave to touch and love and dive into their journey.  We connect this way. So…NO…I am not afraid of physical death.  I am, however, consciously aware that I forget to live every second to the fullest.  I forget to breathe and let go at times.  I allow my humanness to take over and I get angry for a moment.  This passes.  And, when it does I recall lying on a hospital and returning from my own short death to find that life is precious.  What a gift!  What a magnificent ride!

We entertain anxiety because of fear.  We fear because of not being able to control.  We control because we have been taught that we have a say.  We have a say because we are programmed to believe that the ego can actually fix things.  In the end it’s all a lie.  We can’t control anything.  The illusion of life is based on internal experiences of the outer world.  Our perceptions guide us and in moments make us very ill.  We have no say or control.  All we can do is travel with our heads up, love, laugh and truly learn to live.  We are not merely existing.  We are surviving all that is thrown our way and we should be spiritually evolving because of everything that we experience on the path of life.

My friend is dying.  His presence allowed me to stand back and watch grace and how it looks to know that there might not be a tomorrow.  He is doing it with love, laughter and faith.  The shock of his illness allowed ego to die first.  Now, it’s just a matter of releasing all control and moving through moments with acceptance.  We can all learn from the ones whose days are expiring through illness. He might have days or years.  His timing is in the hands of God.  These folks who have so much to conquer become our biggest teachers.  Mine left a few hours ago and I will forever be grateful for his time.  I love you, Dun.  Thank you!  Until we meet again…soon!

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22 thoughts on “Dying to Live

  1. Dealing with my lupus I’ve heard so many people say they were told they had but so long to live and have surpassed the doctors predictions by years. Since I had the lung surgery back in November I’ve been struggling. First a COPD flare now I’m in a lupus flare. I’ve been in constant pain since the middle of March. I want to live even as I know I am dying. I don’t admit to dying so I’m living. So I get what you’re saying. Mind over matter I have more to do in this life and I’m not finished. I’m sure your friend will live pass his expiration date. Hugs.

    1. Oh, my darling! And so will you. You have life in you…in your smile, in each moment. We truly have no clue when we are to leave this place. But, while here…dance, laugh and love deeper than anything else. Thank you for your courage. I am proud of you and keep inspiring us with your presence. I love you.

  2. Gunnar

    This resonates for me, and again it is so inspiring, spot on 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing. Love and Light<3

  3. We do have a say, control, Millie querida. We have free-will and the control and ability to choose how we live our lives in the present moment. Only in the present moment. For me, exercising that gift, choice in the present moment, is what it’s about. Eternity is made up of present moments, amiguita linda. And we are each a perfect expression of That. xoxoxoM

  4. Heartafire

    I was very moved by this. I lost my love a year ago in April, without warning. Acceptance is difficult , I admire the courage here.

  5. Gaby Casebonne

    Millie,

    Your beautiful thoughts have meant the world to Dun. His struggle has begun in earnest. Join me my dear in sending him love and light so that we may lift him up out of his pain. Also, bought the book!!!!!!!!
    Best,

    Gaby

    1. Gaby, he’s been so heavy in my prayers. I love that man and family. Missing him greatly because we would had seen him this past week. Please give him a hug from me when you see him. Love and light to you….Millie

      1. Gabrielle Casebonne

        I was so hoping he could make it just one more time. I didn’t expect for him to go down this soon . I am having a tough time with it although knowing that there is a bigger plan for him. I truly hope that he will make it to the mountains just one more time. You know that is where he truly wants to be!! I absolutely love your site and will continue to keep up with it and share with others. Wow, the spirit is so within you! Thanks for your wonderful card as well. Give a hug to Bobby Sue. I could hang out with you guys forever. Can’t wait to spend time with you again. Will play it by ear with Dun’s progress, but maybe in the fall!

        Best,

        G

        Sent from my iPhone

        >

      2. Gabrielle Casebonne

        He will always be with us, especially him!!! Take note of the time that I am sending you this message.

        Love and Light

        Sent from my iPhone

        >

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