It is irrational and at times mind-boggling.
It’s not something that makes sense.
I don’t fear much but the few things that paralyze me need conquering. This morning I looked at fear in the face. I held my steady glance. I said my peace. I sent my love to it in a way I never imagined I could. I stood in front of the one thing I fear most and spoke to it. No, it wasn’t death. No, it wasn’t loss. No, it wasn’t anything but a small reptile in the form of a chameleon.
For as long as I can remember reptiles have caused me tremendous anxiety, cowardice, and terror. I cannot even watch a movie with any creatures that look like a lizard or alligator. It’s horrible. But, this morning I woke knowing that today was the day I would hold on…or at least stand in front of one and speak to it without my heart racing into cold sweats and panic mode. This irrational fragment of my perception needed re-programming and an attitude adjustment.
My fiance took me to Pet Smart with our little girl. We went around looking at the fish, cats, birds and then….(wait for it)…keep waiting…yes…the cages of terror. I wanted to touch a chameleon. They have been popping up in my dreams, in commercials and in videos on social media. I stood there breathing through the paralyzed immensity and realization that this little creature (and others like him) have controlled my childhood and adulthood nightmares. I asked one of the sales ladies if I could touch it and she said they were very afraid of humans and unless I was purchasing it they would not let me hold it (just in case it dropped dead from a heart attack…oh, wait that would be me!).
There I understood.
We were both in the same corner of fear. We both feared what we didn’t understand from each other. We avoided the closeness, the existence, and the knowing that something could happen to us. The only separation and distinction of safety was a thin piece of glass.
And in a few moments I embraced this. I didn’t touch it because I didn’t want to cause anxiety to him. But, I felt a release. I felt years of complete trepidation dissolving as I stood staring at this harmless little creature sitting on a bark. I felt my fingers move without warning to trace him so cautiously and the heat from inside the glass. My own heat subsided. I am a step closer to entertaining this little fear. The bottom cage was full of little critters with much energy and looked like prehistoric animals. I stood there feeling their anxiety. One step at a time. I am not ready for the nervous ones that might jump on me. I need to crawl before I begin to run with this bravery.
I conquered something that most people cannot understand. I don’t fear the big things. I don’t worry about snakes or bears or anything that can hurt me. However, a lizard…I am out of the way. Today that was big. Today I am feeling the letting go of what I cannot understand was holding and suffocating me since childhood. It feels right. It feels good. It’s well overdo!
Your turn…let go of those things that cripple you and cause you distress. Let go of those things that haunt your dreams and your waking moments when you find yourself imprisoned by that thought. Let go and allow for the lessons the fear brings to you. It’s all about divine perception. And…you got this!
There is truly nothing to fear but fear itself…
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” ~ Ambrose Redmoon