Loss is inexplicable regardless if it’s through death or a falling out and misunderstanding. Loss cuts deep in the core of the heart and psyche. I’ve learned a few things about this. I have been on the giving side of losing and the receiving side of loss. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what side you are on…the pain is still there. At times I even forget who was on what side of the issue.
Words have tremendous powers. They are whips that create profound welts, feathers that mend the heart, and at times, the bullet that kills everything. Perhaps because I am overly sensitive words have an extraordinary effect that is hard to forget. However, I forgive myself for words heard and used. I am human. I make a million of mistakes. I am impatient. I am the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. I am overly positive at times that I don’t see the pitfall of things to come. I do tend to be forgetful over time. And, and I carry my heart outside of my chest exposed to all who want a piece. I lay it all out there for the taking…even when ego borrows it and damages it for a bit.
The heavy rain this weekend has poured out a bunch of emotions. It’s as if heaven is crying. It stops. It starts again. It comes down like a tantrum and then slowly reduces its energy. With it all the energy of the land it is overly charged. Rain allows for the veils of here and there to thin out. The esoteric world becomes a lining of this one in a very visible manner. I have been on an exhausting emotional roller coaster taking messages from above and beyond. There’s a conscious shift happening and I am standing on the sidelines witnessing it: for me and for others.
Loss has been the theme this weekend. We all want to be heard. We all want to be understood. We all want to believe it’s not our fault when the shit hits the fan. But, part of our lessons here is that it is our fault. It’s our fault when we participate in the drama. It’s our fault when we don’t take full responsibility for our words and our actions. It’s our fault when avoidance becomes the elephant in the room. I can take full responsibility for that one. I hate confrontations. I will go around and around to make sure that something is not in my face going off at me like a hungry tiger ready to eat me. But, I also have a default and when pushed to a corner I become the tiger without a care in the world who is there. It does, however, take a long time for me to get there.
A dear friend asked me one day why I avoid getting into an argument. I have a fairy-unicorn-happy like concept. It’s not wrong and it’s not right. It just is. My belief is that if given enough time things always subdue. If allowing for the strains to energetically tire out everything returns to harmony. Then I come to realize it isn’t always so. Sometimes…only sometimes…perhaps more than sometimes…a person needs to go off. A person needs to truly be heard. A person needs to put another in their place. The bullying and passive aggressive behavior must end. But…there are always three sides to every story: mine, yours and the truth. It’s all about perception. And, I believe loss is inevitable at times. People come into our lives for a reason and a season. Whether it’s through death or through different paths, we are always going to be connected.
I met a man in the checkout isle two days ago who had Parkinson’s disease and was here visiting from California. His wife gently guiding him to put the things on the counter, while he chit-chatted about my groceries, forced me to stop and pay attention to those things not said but seen through energy and gestures. It doesn’t matter what was said…but I realized at the moment of impact that he and I were connected forever. It’s that simple. Not one person comes into your life without a reason. Believe me when I say this. Each…Single…Person…Matters!
So…with all this great amount of water on our mountain I have had the privilege of being up for hours entertaining souls and energies who have passed on, some in my memories that will never be part of my life even though they are alive, and others who are just plain old lost in time. We want forgiveness. We want to leave a legacy. One thing that I do understand and cherish is that two things matter in our lives: love and awareness of another. We only want to know we matter. We only want to know we touched another. Say your sorry’s, your I love you’s, your sweet words of acknowledgment…now…not later. Say what needs saying even when you don’t want to tackle the truth. As time passes the truth also becomes distorted. Let it go. That crap has no business being part of your today. If it pains you then it’s time to release it. You have been given another opportunity today to live. Let Divinity do its work…forgive and love. I love you. Have a blessed Sunday.