I’ve Spent a Life

I have ran around

the truth

of ever knowing what I knew

while denying my intuition

the right to decide

and adhere to its validity.

 

I’ve spent years,

time and energy,

avoiding this truth

and here it is

directly in my face  —

I can’t disregard its motion any longer;

I can’t avoid its existence

with its ugliness and rawness…

I can finally let go and fly free.

 

It’s been years,

but it feels like yesterday,

for the depth,

the ache,

the humiliation

has arrived with

a surprising force

allowing ego to take the driver’s seat.

 

I will not wallow

in self-pity,

self preservation,

as I know Karma

has no expiration date.

 

You were always so eager

to point out to the world

my flaws,

my human traits,

in every situation that

arrived

that was not in accordance

with your universe.

 

I have no use to continue

this confirmation

that breezed into my life

with today’s rain,

rattling leaves,

breaking branches,

causing a mild flood

so I can finally terminate

the need to soften our memories

to our children,

our friends,

and specially to myself

while making excuses for

our failures.

 

I’ve spent a life

running from those thoughts,

the traumas created by dictatorship,

and I finally feel the breath

of divinity guiding me through

any dark moments.

 

Benefit of doubt

is only good for those

who can truly change.

I forgave you long ago,

even when I didn’t know,

even when you twisted and turned

all truth.

Forgiveness wasn’t for you…

it was for me.

 

I spent a life

falling in and out of love

with myself

because of you…

but tonight

I finally know the truth:

you never deserved me

and my whole-hearted trust.

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21 thoughts on “I’ve Spent a Life

  1. unfetteredbs

    hope this was cathartic.. and I love the line Karma has no expiration date. You are so expressive Millie; you carry me through your words.

  2. Oh Millie ~ this was so strong, so powerful and I think so HEALING!! I really hope so … an incredible write – and moved me to read. Empowerment and Rebirth was what I felt — I hope that is right-on ~ Love to you dearest friend ~ Robyn

    1. It has been a great catalyst as words usually are when released. Thank you for your kindness. This year has been about surrendering and releasing. All very important for spiritual growth. Mucho love to you!

  3. Wow. Sounds like your journey was into some deeper territory than just sitting in the backseat of a physical car… You have gone places few of us are awake enough to see. Don’t stop now! You have places to go, and miles to go before you sleep…

  4. Forgiveness wasn’t for you…

    it was for me.

    Good reminder, Millie. Forgiveness is never for you, it’s always for me…and in forgiving me, I forgive you, too! xoxoM

  5. I know exactly who you’re writing about, and all I can say is AMEN. You’ve been on this particular journey for a long time; and I’m sure that at times you feel it may never end, but it looks to me like you’re ready for a new, much happier journey. LOVE & PEACE, SIS!!

  6. Pingback: I’ve Spent a Life | Las Mac-Meanmna

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