Being a Mother

motherhood

Okay, folks, I am going to go out on a limb of vulnerability and hope to not fall too hard for this post. This is not a subject I openly discuss with people. It’s motherhood! The other day I was asked by someone who learned I have 7 kids, “Why do you have so many kids? Are they all from the same father?” I find this super intrusive and I always marvel at the curiosity so I gave an honest answer to the second question: “No…some of the fathers I have no clue who they are.” Because honestly if you are that arrogant to ask stupid questions I will screw with you in my truth.

I came from a Hispanic community. Everyone has children. That’s what we do. It’s normal to us. We get married (or not in these times) and have children. We become professional mothers. We begin to mother even other people’s kids in the neighborhood. At least this is true for me.

Once I moved to the mountains I have met many people who have no children or have little desire to have them. It’s an observation not a judgment. I don’t think everyone should be parents or have to conform to social pressures. We should learn to mother ourselves first. I tell my children when they discuss having kids this: “Okay, get a plant. See how it survives for 6 months in your care. Then get a fish. See how it survives in your care while the plant is still alive. Then get a cat. See how it survives in your care and how the plant is doing with it and most importantly if the fish is still alive. Then …then get a dog….” You get the picture. Not everyone should be a parent. Not everyone needs to be one. But, the questions I get asked about my children are a little disturbing. “Why did you adopt? Are ALL your kids adopted?” Let me explain, all my kids are MY kids. They didn’t all come from my uterus but they all came from my heart. End of conversation! If you are that ignorant and selfish to not understand I am not here to mother you through that answer!

I am certain that if I didn’t have kids I would have a house full of animals. I would be housing every lost soul out there. So…it’s not kids that I am so much attracted to as the need to love and give love. I have enjoyed my children immensely. They have been my finest teachers in life. I have grown up with them. I have struggled with them and because of them. I have placed my heart in their hands and received gifts beyond words.

The assumption that I collect children is asinine. I collect nothing. I am a human being nurturing those who need it. I do it with friends. I have done it with relationships. I do it with strangers. “Mother” is not my label. It is an act of love and kindness and compassion. So…to those who have this constant need to figure out how to fix me (because apparently having these many kids is wrong) please go fix yourself. I am perfectly happy navigating this life selflessly in the arms of another who needs it. And, if I have to continue to do it then it’s my choice and I will forever be grateful for the opportunity to be placed in the heart of a child.

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5 thoughts on “Being a Mother

  1. Thisi is delightful Millie. You begin with an insouciant deflection of intrusive rudeness. Midway we are entertained with a perfect strategy for young people to find out if they should have children. All that arrives at the most elegant two sentence expression of a mother’s love that I can remember. Thank you for another wonderful piece of writing. It’s the heart…
    ♥ Welles

  2. I have a Puerto Rican friend who has 12 children. When we lived close her kids were little. We’re FB friends now. I never learned all their names and I gave it my best effort. Her kids are now grown with kids of their own. I look at the pictures of them together and there is so much love and I envy that. Back in the day I thought my friend was crazy having all those kids but in the end I think I was crazy for only having three. To be surrounded by so much love must be overwhelming.

  3. Suzanne Morrow

    Happy mother’s day, Millie, the love that flows through as mothers is in deed a divine gift and teacher of compassion, acceptance and selfless love, not to mention divine surrender. Each precious soul carries yet another lesson in our lives as we grow and develop together into…
    into…a place that possesses no word. Blessings, Suzanne (mother of four)( friend of Welles)

    1. Oh Suzanne…what a treat and blessing to read your words. Welles has spoken so fondly of you. I hope we all get to meet some time in the near future. Sending hugs and kisses…to all. Thank you for the kindness.

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