There have been several break-ins in our little town the past few weeks. It’s rare that anything happens around here. I have heard the stories…on and off as cautionary tales of what needs doing. My husband has declared getting more weapons. I cannot begin to express the anxiety this issue causes me. I DO NOT like guns. This morning at around 5AM when the dog needed to go out, he ran across the dark front lawn chasing something, and my heart began to race up to my throat. My husband was at work and all I could think of was, “This is NOT how I live my life!” I think I said it out loud as I called for the dog to come inside. I do not entertain this fear. I spent all of my childhood living with a mother who feared anything and everything because of the news. We lived in a prison of what if’s. I cannot move into that energy. I refuse to feed the fears that others live by. I know there are bad people in this world. I know there are savages. I understand there is mental illnesses, hatred and arrogance. I get the drug and alcohol addictions and how they guide personalities into doing bad-unthinkable things. I know the world is full of atrocities, horrific acts, and devastating events. I don’t live in that world of looking over my shoulders and expecting something to happen. I am not that person. Call me naive, stupid, delusional, crazy…whatever you care to label me…I don’t participate in fears. Moreover I have a hard time understanding how others choose to live in that mentality. No judgement! This is no way to live because I cannot participate in what may happen tomorrow. That’s not living! I am not responsible for another person’s choices that may include me.
Want to know what scares me? The buying into the fear of these acts. I know friends get frustrated with me when I repeat myself over and over that I don’t go to that dark place. My husband gets irritated because he solves everything with a military mentality. (Fairies and unicorns aren’t gonna save me if someone comes into this house). I cannot buy into this mentality. I will not. I am not wired that way. To me arrogance, bigotry, injustice, racism, and other things shake me. Confrontations make my heart ache. But, living under the energy of waiting for something to happen….no way. A violent rape at 18 took care of the notion that you have control of your world and surrounding events. If someone is going to break in while I am here then I will cross that bridge…and not with a gun or sword in hand. Meantime I will not feed the fears because that feeling that I felt early this morning is foreign, shocking and disgusting to my nervous system. I leave those emotions in the hands of others…it does not work for me. That simple!
Intrusion of personal space comes in many forms. Living with the anticipation and anxiety, with gun in hand every time something goes thump in the night….that is some scary shitty emotion. You create a vacuum of negative input attracting that which you fear. No way, no how! My life is not lived in such a manner. The privilege of living is an adventure and not all adventures are fun. But, I will continue to believe that I am watched over by a Divine Spirit. It’s a conscious choice and I believe what I believe. Miracles happen all the time in my life because of this. May you choose your thoughts wisely! It’s imperative to do so…do not live a life looking over your shoulders. That’s not really living! This is not why we are here on this earth.