Spiritual Direction

humility

Note:  I wrote this a year ago today.  I dreamed about this last night. I don’t know why. I suspect that my re-birthday is to blame! The lessons I learned from DEATH are just as intense and valuable as the ones I am learning from LIFE. I am not the same person I was a six months ago. I am not the same person I was when I returned from the ultimate space of LOVE. I continue to learn from this experience as intensely as I learn from living. I cannot tell you what to do. I cannot tell you how to live. You are the only one who knows what you need. I can only show you what I live through my spirituality and my humanness. After my awakening I promised myself that I would love as profoundly as I felt loved in that moment that I died. I swore I would bring that sense of divinity back and it’s been a constant reminder that in one second life can change. Do your self a favor and live like if you are dying. It won’t matter what you did a year ago, tomorrow or in ten years. I will forever be grateful for the guidance and the knowing that all I am and forever will be is the embodiment of true love. In the end that is truly all that matters…to me.  And here is the story:

In a few days it will be a year that I died in the emergency room. One minute I was having chest pains, the next paralysis and finally a moment of leaving and visiting the other realm. It took months of me finding grounding in my body. I felt like I could not fit. I couldn’t grasp returning to the human world. All fear and anxiety had disappeared. All dreams, expectations, and purpose fell to the roadside. Those things that caused constant worrying somehow seemed mundane. Living was mundane, without meaning. My poor fiance couldn’t deal with this new woman. My best friend was fearful that I would return to the world of the dead. It was a constant source of questions, “Are you okay? Do you feel alright? Do you need anything?” I cannot begin to imagine what they witnessed and how they felt through it all.

I would stand in the dead of winter watching the wind go through the trees. I could spend hours listening to the earth stretching, hearing colors, tasting the land like something from a metaphysical movie. Life was surreal. I couldn’t relate to this place when what I witnessed in those moments of meeting Spirit was the most magical experience I could ever imagine. And, for the skeptic in me, if it was my imagination then I would rather that other place over anything here on earth.

Spirituality is a personal facet of my life. It is a path that I try to move through while fully being present in my human form. I am not a religious person, but have studied several religions and philosophies throughout the years. I pick and choose from belief systems those things that feel right. Spiritual direction is for me to travel and often in a lonely manner because let’s face it, spirituality is personal. It is intimate. But, everything I had believed until January 15, 2014, was incorrect. I didn’t see Jesus Christ. I didn’t see Buddha. I didn’t see any of the great masters. I didn’t see a tunnel with loved ones waiting to walk me down the spiritual hall. I only saw love and light. I was engulfed in the warmth of universal ecstasy.  I was in the arms and presence of Source.

Those first three months of 2014 required a constant taste of humanity. I had more Spirit than Ego. I had more essence and love than ever before in my 46 years. I had more presence. I had an infinite amount of time. Although the days still had 24 hours I was able to stretch them into infinite space. I returned with a high pitch that became a meter for b.s. I could read people’s thoughts. I returned with so much love that I would cry just holding a book, a plant, my lover’s hands, my child’s words over a phone call, the cat purring, the dog placing his head on my lap, and anything that came into my space with any feelings. I had a really hard time connecting to my humanness. I had an impossible struggle feeling the hurt that people constantly carry in their hearts. Life is not meant to be such a struggle…but here we are pursuing the impossible with tenacity and hardness while forgetting to breathe the privilege of being alive. We have little gratitude for who we are and what we are meant to be…Divine Spirits having a human experience.

On March a close friend allowed me and my best friend to go stay in her brother’s home on the outer banks of North Carolina for a weekend. I walked the cold beach. Its vacancy allowed me to be again with the earth away from the freezing weather in the mountains. I wrote. I rested. I shared stories with my friend. We cooked. We danced. We walked by ourselves along shorelines. I was once again held by the grace of Spirit, not only for sustaining me through this return in human form, but for allowing me to want to stay here. I got another chance! I have had several of these in my lifetime. But, I had never returned from the Omnipotence presence of love.

Love transcends all. It sees no color, no race, no discrimination, no age, no faults, not a thing. Love sees you and me and this marvelous experience we get to call Life. And, when we embrace it with complete and utter compassion we are returned to a place of mysticism, mystery and the wisdom of time.

As months overlapped, new responsibilities took hold of me. I became more human again. It no longer takes me hours to fit my essence inside of my body. I wake naturally tugged in it. I have had struggles and questions and disappointments, but I’ve had grace and love guiding me along the way. I don’t know why I died. I don’t have those answers. I don’t have direction for another. I am reminded that I have to work on my own journey constantly finding a footing. I overlook things because ego is constantly monopolizing my rational brain. After dying I try to step back and allow the signs of spirit to guide me. Sometimes in seeking, fate hides all resources. We are forced to take new direction.

The other day I told a friend that I felt like there’s no way I could help another. If I can’t get my own crap spiritually aligned how do I give advice to another suffering from lack of direction? Then it came to me: spiritual direction is about allowing our higher self to find the answers. We reach in and find the truth from faith and intuition. I cannot guide you without you allowing your own guidance to align with your wishes. Somewhere inside you have all the answers. I will not tell you what you need…but I can give you examples of what has worked for me. I can hold your human hands while cradling your heart with a whisper, a touch, a sweet smile and let you know that you are not alone. That’s all I can offer you.

You have to let go in order to begin living. Living is a courageous act balancing the physical forms with the spiritual ones. Allow spirit to guide you. It’s always there. We are made from love, to love, and be love. Mucho love to you, darling!  Begin with loving yourself!

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18 thoughts on “Spiritual Direction

  1. I would love to be able to copy this & keep it by my bedside & read it over & over again! This is a most amazing post to share, I’m going to try & reblog it with your link obviously but as I’m having laptop problems I’m not too sure I’ll succeed but I hope there’ll be many reblogs that’ll create a beneficial ripple effect, with a nowadays, much needed inspiration!
    Thanks 🙂

  2. Since yesterday, I have read your article so many times I can’t count, sent it to all I know with everyone being touched one way or another by it.
    It is so powerful I wonder if you realise the tremendous strength those words bring to the world & I want to thank you from all my heart for the generosity involved by this amazing share.
    You have empowered all those who have read it!
    I thought it was an experience from a few years back until I realised it was very recent so my best wishes go to you for a strong body with load of health & may you treasure only the good out of it (you are doing just that but my wishes are that you go on doing it ;))
    Thank you again!

    1. I am sitting here crying. Your message allowed me to just write another blog thank you and others. I am touched in a way that I cannot relate to. Thank you, sweetness. I am glad you got something out of it. My experience was a wake up call for me. You are loved. Mucho love to you!

  3. Barbara

    Thank you for sharing your experience. Your words spoke to me because I too, have “seen the light” … but not through death but by asking. Your description of the awareness and love you felt brought me back to my spiritual awakening that happened to me in 1985. It was truly a feeling of being one with the universe filled with love. I felt so encapsulated with love and light, I never wanted to go back to the physical human world.

    For as long as I can remember as a child and throughout my life, I have asked many questions while sitting outside, looking at the beauty of nature and up into the sky. During this extraordinary, all consuming experience of enlightenment and awareness, those very questions were answered all at once. There were even answers to questions that I forgot I had asked. But when the answers came, they were all connected on a gossamer string, like in a movie. I re-lived every moment of my life and even saw me asking those questions! I could see how my questions evolved and how they were connected to the ultimate truth, spirit and universe. I learned what infinity is.

    At that time, as much as I wanted to, it was hard to communicate this expanded spiritual awareness because human words could not express the love, colors, awareness, and light that I was absorbed into. When I did ask (the spirit, the almighty presence that was guiding me through this awakening) how I was to share my experience with others … I was told “Do not become a guru. Share your knowledge only with those who ask, for they are ready to listen”.

    Whenever I did try to relate my experience (to those who were close to me or those who wanted guidance) all I could express, was that I had a conversation with God. Words failed me. Yes, I did try to explain what happened to me, along with the joy and the love, and universal awareness that enlightened me, but when I tried to type, or tape what happened, I could only repeatedly say into the recorder, “Thank you Lord, thank you Lord.”

    Now mind you, I do not belong to – or practice any specific religion, and like you, I have studied many religions in the past. I do however believe in a God, a spirit, a supreme being. After this experience, I have no other choice. The simplest thing I can say is that the old proverbs do stand. To paraphrase the most important lessons I learned (over a period of two days by the way) are ~ You reap what you sow. Do unto to others as you would do to yourself. Love one another because you are all my children. And most importantly, I was told, “I do not judge. It is up to you to live your heaven or hell on this earth. I gave you a free will to learn and live as you choose. That is your life, your lesson”.

    I asked and received the answers to all of the questions I ever had, and without going into more detail about my conversation with God, I vividly remember a very important thing … God has a sense of humor!

    1. Barbara, your story is beautiful. I don’t believe we have to follow anything, including a guru! I believe we must follow our hearts and Divine guidance which you are so gracefully doing every day with you and others. You are a magnificent BEing. WOW~! What an honor to meet you. God does have an amazing sense of humor. You don’t have to physically die to have a little death of EGO and be awaken. You are the proof. Thank you from the depth of me for sharing this story. I honor and treasure it. Everyone has a story….this one is your beautiful one. Mucho love to you…Millie

  4. Loving profoundly, such a genuinely inspiring statement! I had a couple of those moments. Yet now, I do not fear any more, or worry. When that true absolute love embraces your spirit, all fear is cast away. The fullness and blessing of a life with a spirit which tastes of such a love is a priceless gift. You realize moments after you are only really visiting here, and yet you have the opportunity to share that beautiful touch of love, that lives within with many asking nothing in return. I feel the love, inner peace, and heavenly happiness in every word dear sister you always share. Love you Millie!

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