A lot has been appearing about forgiveness the past few weeks. A dear friend called me for advice on something. She asked me to meet her at a cafe and we sat outside on a gorgeous spring day. She began her saga and before I could tell her what I thought she said, “I know what you are gonna say. ‘Let it go and forgive…karma has his address.’ But, I cannot and will not let it go.” I asked her why she wanted my help when she was going to do whatever she wanted to do? She apparently just wanted someone’s permission. And, this I did tell her. I don’t condone that saying, “An eye for an eye.” I cannot relate to getting back at anyone for their wrongdoings. I am not programmed that way. I believe the universe has a way of keeping tally and it’s not for me to return the hurt and damage. I am not so much a pacifist as I am a believer that what goes around, comes around.
Here is what I know about forgiveness: it’s never for the other person. When I forgive it’s for me to let go. I forgive in order to let go of my own betrayal in not trusting God. I know I’ve been heavily criticized and judged by many closed to me for letting things go so easily. I have been known to abandon a horrible situation and not look back. I truly just let it all go. When I am at that point of desperation, anxiety and emotional crisis I have to gather my integrity and just head out the door. I’ve lost an endless amount of money, careers, homes and relationships because I refuse to entertain someone else’s insanity. I refuse to degrade my spirit into enabling their own hurt. All I can do is wish them well and keep moving forward. It’s not easy! I don’t leave a situation all airy-fairy dancing in joy. I leave depleted and exhausted with pain. I truly believe with every cell that when a person hurts you it’s because they are heavily hurt. Most people do not take responsibility for their actions or their drama. It’s easier to point to another person. So that hurt will become severe as time passes. Me, retaliating and hurting them is not the answer. I only know that walking away…starting over…just letting things take their course, is the way I am designed to function and forgive. It might not be for anyone else. But, it is for me! It’s the only way I can sleep at night, knowing that I have forgiven and have placed the events in some compartment of compassion. I establish the experience as a powerful lesson…and onto to the next one! Sometimes this happens in a short span of time. Other times it takes longer, but never do I regret walking away!
I am certain I’ve hurt many along the journey of my life. I am one of the most imperfect tenacious souls I’ve ever encountered. I don’t deliberately go out of my way to harm anyone but I do know that when we don’t act in accordance to what another expects, hurt is birthed in a situation. Our expectations of each other create disappointments. Our own past issues keep mirroring and re-enacting so we learn powerful life lessons.
Sometimes it takes a while for me to let things go…but when I do, the ache is no longer there. Those who have hurt me have been released from me. They are free. I can speak with them, see them in the street, and feel absolutely nothing but compassion. I don’t have to avoid them or be malicious with them. I simply move along and allow them to be who they are. They no longer owe me anything because I have released them from that obligation. They are struggling with their own issues. As humans we are just trying to make it through this expedition alive until the day we are not.
I asked my friend what she would get out of hurting this person who has hurt her so deeply. She said, “Peace!” I told her there is no peace in revenge. There isn’t anything but more hurt. Sure, she would get satisfaction from returning pain but eventually that would bite her back in the ass. I begged her never to ask me for that kind of advice. I cannot tolerate the idea of purposely hurting another just because it helps that person clear their ego. Ego has a way of playing us into stupid trickery. It will create elaborate plotting and scheming ideas to feel that it has won. I don’t entertain that kind of behavior. The higher you go on the chain of evolution the less you hold on to regrets, resentments, anger and other lower vibrational frequencies.
You know when you’ve grown? When you no longer hold another in your painful thoughts. You know when you’ve evolved spiritually? When you only wish them the very best in spite of what they caused you. You know when life is providing true freedom? When you see the hurt coming way before it arrives and you simply accept it and move on. You set boundaries and are no longer a doormat, but you allow for those experiences to teach you about your humanness. Oprah has said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”
Letting go is not easy. It’s not a cliche that we can swallow when we are angry and full of resentments. It’s sometimes the struggle that creates such a distressful sense of anxiety. But, letting go of the past, traumas, events, atrocities, and anything else actually creates a sense of BEing. You eventually begin to find balance through gratitude for those life assignments. You deserve a serene state of consciousness. Your higher soul will provide the most favorable lessons for the evolution of your spiritual growth. It’s up to you to accept them and move on. Forgiveness, in every sense of the word, is gracious and merciful. Don’t let hurt keep you in a prison of your own hatred.
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli