Brain injuries alter your life forever. In November of 2001, I had a major blow to the back of the head, leaving me with amnesia for sometime, unable to recognize my six children and partner at the time. To this day I have lost a large portion of memories that happened before that date. My husband insists that this injury correlates with me seeing things that “aren’t there.” But I saw them since I was a child. One thing I do know is that a brain injury doesn’t just have a physiological effect. It also has a spiritual one. The damage done to that part of the brain heightened whatever was already there.
My near death experience (NDE) 2-1/2 years ago took that injury to a whole new level of existence. If I felt things before then, after that “episode” I was traveling beyond realms while being awake. Now, some may say I am crazy but I have legal papers by psychiatrists that dispute that. I am constantly questioning my sanity and comparing my “sane meter” just in case. I might be a little eccentric and odd but I am a functional soul in this world. Any psychosis I may have had before 2001 was pretty much erased. This I am certain of. What is now available is a depth of awareness of what is consciousness. There is no physical way of describing what I experience on a daily basis. And, this is sometimes daunting. At other times extremely magical.
I don’t share much with people about these experiences. Every so often something leaks out and I find myself saying things that make no sense to me but they are messages for that person who is talking with me. I have little filtering when this happens. Ego somehow takes a backseat. I dislike when someone asks me if I am psychic or a medium because those labels don’t pertain to what I feel. They are not a part of this knowing. Perhaps these messages do come from some mystical place that was tapped in my brain, as my husband suggests. Maybe there is a connection between life-altering bang and the connection of mysticism. I rather not give it an explanation. I don’t know how I know what I know when I know it. It simply just exists.
The reason I write this is because you never know how mystical and incredible your brain really is until you lose a part of it. You can’t tell how miraculous it is to function when all you can do is move through each moment with uncertainty. Any kind of injury pushes us to recognize how grateful we are for our health. Illnesses and major life crisis do the same. We are pushed to the edge of something that becomes the ALL of our existence. We cling to the side of the mountain clawing our way back to the top. We want to live. We want to survive. We want to keep moving through this marvelous journey.
Do not take today for granted. Do not, for one moment, believe that you have this all figured out either. We are all walking each other home in this large experiment of life. I still have vivid dreams from my NDE. I can still smell that “other place.” I can still hear the sounds from nature when I am quiet and the earth starts to breathe, sighing for relief in the evening. I can still taste my experiences from 15 years ago. I can taste blood in my mouth, the pain throbbing in my head, and the undeniable and inexplicable confusion of not recognizing my loved ones. And, yet, I can’t remember things that were important to my children before this happen. Whenever I hear their stories I feel like I am listening to someone else’s life.
I clung to the side that mountain with deep confusion but a persistent tenacity won. I didn’t want to live but I also didn’t want to die. Being thrown into the confusion of having a large family, financial strains, and feeling lost are things I don’t wish upon anyone returning from some other side of this dimension. The injury was like being in The Twilight Show.
This life is not for sissies. It’s mystical. It’s a constant flux of give and take, push and pulling, and the widening and narrowing of unknowns. It’s beautiful. Do not take it for granted because you are having a rough time TODAY. It might be your last day. Make it special. We grow through grace. We are touched by forgiveness. We are pushed to places that require us to attain strength. Tell those you love that you love them. Hug more. Forgive quickly. Let’s stop the self-absorption of ego and materialism. Look in the mirror and embrace the soul who inhabits this phenomenal machine of a body. We are shifting. It doesn’t take a blow to the head or a NDE to understand this. It takes only one second of putting your hand over your heart and feeling that thump that keeps you here. Move through each thump and be in JOY!
Life is all a matter of perception. If you want to know gratitude just look around you. I love you!