Standing or walking have become exquisite gifts taken for granted. A pulled tendon on top of my right foot has impeded me from doing all the normal daily activities I enjoy…like walking to the creek, going to the back of our gorgeous property, and just taking a step down the stairs to go to the car. The things we do on a daily basis can be taken away in one second and we don’t know how to adjust to the ever changing times.
It’s not easy to just sit. And, so when the doctor tells me that the healing is slow and I must rest the foot, I feel crippled. I have a two year old. That alone says a lot about mobility.
For over three weeks my body has been at a halt. It has endured questions on everything from weight, health and pain. I have had a lot of time to ponder from the sofa, while writing and working, to determine that I have a difficult time adjusting to being with me for too long without mobility. Cause, let’s be honest, while we are keeping busy we don’t have to entertain the internal demons that hide through a busy mind.
I have encountered generosity from amazing souls in my lifetime. It’s hard for me to receive. I enjoy giving and nurturing others. I love being able to be there when someone needs an ear, a hand, or just a friend in silence. I cherish moments when I can give from my soul and sit in the openness of another person’s vulnerability. But, it’s truly hellish to be in my own struggle of doing nothing and feeling the rawness of my own soul asking and begging for nourishment. It’s difficult to just be with me this long and not be able to entertain the ego with something else. It’s excruciating…imagine that! Life will provide the lessons needed to learn at the precise moment we avoid them the most.
Sometimes it requires a hard up accident, a near death experience, or simply a stupid pulled tendon for us to truly stop and listen. When we don’t listen to the whispers, they will begin to scream through what we avoid the most. Going on helping others is wonderful, but we must take care of ourselves first.
Yesterday, in the car with my husband, I broke down. I could barely say anything as I kept wiping the tears over and over, not daring them to touch the bottom of my face. I couldn’t quite explain the reason for them. I am sure, lately, he’s been witnessing a neurotic woman who is coming out of her skin. But, the tears have bottled up within a trying and challenging week full of issues with some of my grown children, and my inability to be able to do anything. I can’t do anything but be here. Even if my foot was perfectly fine, I can only send love and share in their struggles. However, pain intensifies all emotions. It clearly drains anything that’s been held up for a long time. Pain is a master at shifting our consciousness. It will force and bring forth whatever is being avoided.
Vulnerability comes during moments of complete awareness when the soul is screaming for attention. And, when we aren’t courageous in the ability to let go and share, vulnerability will grab our perception in another way. We aren’t meant to lock up and dismiss our emotions. Vulnerability is the willingness to surf the ego and accept the nothingness and everythingness of our lives. It sucks at times, especially if you aren’t an emotional person. I, however, am an extremely emotional soul…to fault. I can cry at a drop of a hat about anything that doesn’t pertain to me. But, the moment I feel that pull in my heart about something that’s inside, I get completely erratic.
And, today, as I head out to Georgia to do a workshop on releasing the inner child, I realize wholeheartedly that the inner child has been releasing since the pain started. Isn’t that a kicker? I have visited parts of my own little girl in order to truly accept me in my most vulnerable state. The struggle has been in allowing my busy mind to stop and do nothing. It’s an art of sorts. Creating nothing takes work!
Sit long enough with yourself to love all aspects of you. I don’t say this lightly. I say it because I have been experiencing it in hyper mode. And, for those who think that your inner child doesn’t need tending, remember how you feel when your favorite TV comes on, or how you experience the simple things in your daily life. That’s a little girl or little boy, thanking you for nourishing them.