I’m on my yoga mat completely conscious of my breath, the space in between the gaps, and then something breaks. It’s loud. It is so loud that I think the entire room hears it. This explosion of deep emotions rushes up and I can’t control the tears. My heart literally feels like it’s cracked open. No one notices. I am in the back of the room. They are also in their own explosions and thoughts. I am aware that certain poses, especially the most gentle ones, reach the crevices of memories. I begin the stupid game: “what’s real right now.” Breath becomes my anchor. The child’s pose is all I can do as I wet the mat. This is all I can do right now without judgment.
I don’t know, especially in a wonderful happy Saturday, why I am visited by such depth. It’s okay. I don’t recall having made an appointment with my emotions but it’s okay. I make room for this visitation through gentle flow of practice.
We want to be heard. We want to know someone has us in their thoughts. Before I entered the class I received a beautiful private message from an incredible sweet woman I admire. She said the most loveliest things…. Things that are hard to hear at times for me. But I received them with joy and gratitude. So there on my mat I exhale the spaces of worthlessness from the crevices of my cellular memories.
“F@*k this sensitively! Toughen up, buttercup!” (And a few Spanish nasty words come through as well). I think so clearly in deep ache and I feel anger rise for a second, or minutes. But I recognize the exquisiteness of being an empath. We feel deeper and wholeheartedly, especially when we don’t want to deal with our own bullshit. Cause God forbid we are truthful with the reality of what’s truly going on in our lives. We want to be loved. We want to be seen and heard. We need to feel supported. There is a human necessity to know that our purpose isn’t just love, but the connection between one soul.
This is absolutely unacceptable. We are not to place our worth on anyone else to reflect it like some funhouse distorted mirror. We are responsible for our own power so to feel the need to give another the right to tell us how they see us, how we come across, and who we are, is freaking ridiculous.
Isn’t it? Really? So egotistical of the mind to expect gratification for our greatness from another. F*€k that!!!
If you can today, pls love yourself so deeply that any love out there doesn’t come close to your own love affair with self. You are magnificent. You do not need to label your worth by how others see you. Don’t freaking toughen up. Be gentle with you. Let it go and allow your light to guide others. I love you.