You had a bone to pick with me…
unleashing an ugly truth
of a perception
brought on by my words,
and the lack of expressing my side
of a story I believed to be one way.
I allowed it,
even owned it for a while,
until the realization sank
that you don’t know me
anymore than I know you.
Lessons come in moments,
days, weeks and narratives
cascading through emotions…
nothing is ever what it seems.
Smothering closes in,
spaces are confined,
and both sides race to a finish line
while neither voices
lack of air stretch,
in the freedom
we know as the reality
of our lives.
We are never the sums of half truths,
made up by the what if’s
brought on by past experiences.
Neither of us lived in those scenarios,
never intertwining into each other.
We never touched the same terrains,
walked similar journeys,
or ventured in each others’ timelines…
we cannot be expected to adhere
to the tension of any physical attractions
when the rest of us doesn’t quite fit
the puzzle pieces.
They should all have fallen easy –
no force or manipulation.
Words escaped me at that moment,
paralyzing the little girl in me,
when I wanted to protest,
feeling raw and exposed
to explain what I don’t know
in this and that of two strangers.
Egos have a way of taking over,
multiplying, enhancing and dictating
instead of allowing
our authentic selves to speak.
It’s okay. I now understand.
The past is a cosmic web
threading us to new experiences
that push and pull the psyche
I am thankful for the test
as I stand back watching
a movie replay…
for this path I shall never walk again.