You had a bone to pick with me…

digging out,

unleashing an ugly truth

of a perception

brought on by my words,

nasty monologue,

and the lack of expressing my side

of a story I believed to be one way.

I allowed it,

even owned it for a while,

until the realization sank

that you don’t know me

anymore than I know you.

 

Lessons come in moments,

days, weeks and narratives

cascading through emotions…

nothing is ever what it seems.

Smothering closes in,

spaces are confined,

and both sides race to a finish line

while neither voices

their suffocation,

lack of air stretch,

in the freedom

we know as the reality

of our lives.

 

We are never the sums of half truths,

untold substances,

made up by the what if’s

brought on by past experiences.

Neither of us lived in those scenarios,

never intertwining into each other.

We never touched the same terrains,

walked similar journeys,

or ventured in each others’ timelines…

we cannot be expected to adhere

to the tension of any physical attractions

when the rest of us doesn’t quite fit

the puzzle pieces.

They should all have fallen easy –

no force or manipulation.

 

Words escaped me at that moment,

paralyzing the little girl in me,

when I wanted to protest,

feeling raw and exposed

to explain what I don’t know

in this and that of two strangers.

 

Egos have a way of taking over,

multiplying, enhancing and dictating

instead of allowing

our authentic selves to speak.

 

It’s okay.  I now understand.

The past is a cosmic web

threading us to new experiences

that push and pull the psyche

forcing growth.

I am thankful for the test

as I stand back watching

a movie replay…

for this path I shall never walk again.