The other day I was hand washing a blue dinner plate. This plate was a set that arrived with my husband, Matt, when he moved in with me. He bought the dinnerware when he got a divorce over 10 years ago. Although I didn’t need the additional plates in my kitchen he didn’t want to part with the dishes. As I was washing the dish I looked at it and became very aware that the dish was mine too. There was no longer the separation of parts: this is his, this is mine…. I looked at the wet dish and muttered under my breath, “I love this dish that’s ours. It’s mine too.”
See, it was a mindful realization that there is no separation between us. For the longest time I kept his DVD’s and CD’s separate…just in case of a divorce he could take them without any hassle. I kept a lot of things apart. I’ve done this in all my previous relationships. I was always one foot out the door, out of the relationship, ready to take flight the moment I got hurt. It was a lifetime of severe programming.
And now, I own a set of imperfect blue plates (symbolizing our own union). I own a bunch of DVD’s and books and things that at another time in my life would not have been mine.
This is spiritual growth combined with emotional healing at its best. Our past beliefs can tarnish our relationships if we aren’t mindful of breaking those old paradigms.
I have settled down in a “team” (as he calls us). I have made peace with the aches and the distrust. I have found a place among all the things he came with that are now mine. It’s a lovely testimony to commitment. It’s a feeling of belonging I never had before. Once I put the guard down, the sense of betrayal, the thoughts of abandonment, I got to witness peace. I am able to see his own journey as well to feeling worthy of love.
I experience…Peace…like never before. It’s taken several years to get to this conclusion. The wet blue plate in my hands spoke to me at that very moment. I had an “Aha moment” right over the kitchen sink. It was a magnificent one that brought a set of emotional release with it to add to the water.
We are together in the hard times…we are united deeper in the good ones.
Don’t bring your dirty laundry into a relationship and expect it to be completely cleaned out. Allow for the emergence, the healing, and the trust to be built. It does not happen overnight. This I promise you. We both were ready at one time (or several times) to call it quits. It took me a lot longer than him to recognize the blessings. It took him a little longer to feel the love in the beginning. We are quite different in many levels, and yet…similar in others.
You aren’t alone in this journey. Relationships require spiritual, physical and emotional bonding. The moment you begin to accept that those around you are willing to stick around you get to a place of serenity. It’s always easier to run from the discomfort.
May you find yourself staying put and working through dirt. May you clearly see the love in between dishes, laundry, and big ole messes.