A little over a year ago I had a doctor appointment…a follow up from a brief hospital stay in December. The doctor was explaining a murmur in my heart that I’ve had since I was a child. He insisted in drawing a picture of the valve not closing all the time…blah blah blah. He went into a lot of technical medical terminology that went right over my head. I had that look of numbness so he stopped being a doctor. He stopped and saw me.
He was very kind with his words. He said that I have the lungs of a teenager and the heart of a strong woman. He looked at me with the sweetest blue eyes and said, “You have a strong-fragile heart so we have to be cautious of what we put in your body.”
I chewed on those words the rest of that morning: “Strong-fragile heart.” Yes..that! I have that…that which I think can’t break but is always at the edge of fracturing even with being strong. That…yes…that was clearly the best description of how I feel most of the time…all my feelings, and emotions gathered at the edge of strength and then struggling in vulnerability because I was taught to, “Suck it up, Buttercup!”
There…right there in the opening and closing of valves and whatever else mechanism I have in there. Just wanted to share that because most of us here who are empaths have strong-fragile hearts. We get this concept of “strong-fragile heart.” We understand what it is to feel all the time and not be able to help another. But, we must take care of ourselves first. That ticker, the one that gives us life, must be treated gently even if it’s strong and powerful. We must honor the life that moves through it with each breath.
‘Cause I know you. You are constantly right on that edge…pulling back and pushing forward. You are barely standing and breathing but you manage to keep it up. You are always feeling as if one minute is too much to open and close into another. I feel you as you feel me. It’s some powerful thingy being on the edge of emotions. We have the power to move past it all. We must keep moving without falling into the depth of constant thought analysis. We are led by love.
You beat to your own drum even when no one else around you understands you. You move through it cause you are freaking awesome and strong and filled with faith and compassion. I have never had a doctor explain things in such simple manners that left me thanking the universe for the beauty of connecting with someone. It is rare to find a science man filled with so much tenderness.
Thank you for being in my life, sweet strong-fragile souls. I love you. Touch that ticker and feel the life in it. Let it do its strong-fragile thingy to the best of its ability. As you move through this season forget the chaos of what is expected and enjoy the moments of love, sharing, and laughter. You got this!