I was reminded by an elderly client about softness. He’s under hospice care. It was a gloomy day. He was quiet. Then he shared that he wished the sun was out.
“What will you do when it comes out?”
He answered, “I will sit outside. I like to feel the sun on me.”
“What’s your favorite part?” I asked.
He smiled, “The way the warmth feels on my uncovered skin.”
There was softness in his words. There was gentleness in his eyes and the way he shared the intimacy of feeling heat on his skin. I am reminded of that again.
There is a softness to me now that wasn’t there a year or so ago. It wasn’t there months ago. The rough edges, that perhaps no one really saw, are gone. I notice. I see the emotions flow, whereas before I was not even seeing. I was barely allowing the feelings to just subside. I stopped dissecting emotions a long time ago. There is deeper vulnerability, even less filtering in my own thoughts, self-kindness, and a profound consideration for my desires.
Softness doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It is created from the duality of hardness and harshness. It’s in the opposite state of awareness that I’ve come to understand and cherish. I have never been really soft with myself. It was a sign of weakness from my old programming. Being too soft meant being weak. Which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Now it’s self-care and self-love. Now it is survival and acceptance. Now it is part of breathing. Now it is sensitivity and apathy but in a way that allows me to connect to the world without feeling responsible for what isn’t mine.
I am connected to universal energy through this softness. I am able to caress the parts of my heart that have needed forgiveness, letting go, and release in a way never before. May you find the softness in you.