The Compass

road-sun-rays-path

Yesterday I had a huge challenge appear in my path. I was expecting it for some time. I knew it would cause a halt on the journey or at least a major detour. But, like all things when it finally appears you are frazzled by its presence. The knowing doesn’t even matter. It becomes a void of doubt, shame and guilt. Immediately I sat back and took a deep breath. The first person I could think of reaching out was my husband and I knew what he would say. He’s my husband. He would want me to do whatever felt right for me. The second person was my eldest son. At almost 30, he is wise beyond his years. We were both working so I texted him briefly. I gave him the condensed version.

I asked him to please answer what I should do without me being his mother. I wanted his honest answer without thinking of me as this woman who thinks she needs to save the world. He came back with a quick long answer. Immediately he took a step out of the family circle and answered the question without a single sense of being my son. He was a man. His opinions were defined by how he’s been raised. After his answer I asked him to then remember I was his mother.

He paused. I could see the (…) dancing on the screen. And then he answered with such love and compassion that I broke into a pool of tears. He asked me to stop. He asked me to also follow my heart. He asked me to go into my sacred space and ask for divine wisdom, but to please take my heart and hold it in my hands, caressing it and loving it the way I love him and others.

My son showed up as a compassionate and amazing guru and I forgot all about the dilemma/life changing event that had appeared in my path. The lesson turned into something magnificent and delightful. I needed the reminder. I had to truly get back on the right path.

He thanked me for teaching him to step back and look before reacting, reminding me that I forget myself along the way. I forget to count myself as a blessing. Hours later he called me to make sure I was okay and I thanked him through sobs. I told him that he had saved me from taking a detour into the thickness of a dark forest.

In the end…that is all we want. We want someone to be our compass when we get lost. Mostly we want to know that another soul understands us so well that we don’t have to feel along when hardships show up.

Have a beautiful day!

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9 thoughts on “The Compass

  1. Millie, this reminded me of a quote……….. “All any of us ever really wanted was to be loved. That can drive some of worst decisions.” Although the quote doesn’t apply here, I think that love applied to any problem makes the problem smaller. When we are reminded of the blessing, the heartache is lessened…….. I love you!

  2. Cheri Lawrence

    Beautiful Millie! With love to you for your candor and process. We are all on this path to ultimate self love which is the only way we can truly love and support each other and whatever life throws our way. All is coming up and out, the revelations are sometimes more surprising and freeing than the emotional ball we have created all wrapped up in these deeply rooted ones collectively of shame and guilt, doubting living in our our own truth!

    I have a few of those lurking around too. We all do. With so much love!!

    I love this quote from Buddha, he said:

    “In the end only three things matter, how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”

    Some things are not meant for us to take on and we are learning the wisdom of knowing we can not save anyone but ourselves. The only change we can affect in others is by living as examples of the truth we hold within.

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