Paying an Invisible Debt
Mark Twain said, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” I am constantly reminded that worrying solves nothing. It’s in moments that I let go that the magic begins to appear. Worrying is like filling an imaginary bucket with fears. The false impression of controlling an event is what gets us stirred up in the first place.
Everything does happen in divine order.
Each person moves at a different spectrum especially when we are being tested with huge obstacles, events, and challenges. Life does not happen to us. Life happens through us. When we let go of those stressful strains that fill our spaces, trying to fill the empty bucket with anxiety, we let go of the struggles. Ah!…we breathe.
There is a battle always going on inside of us: ego vs. spirit. We are such complex beings, because we are created in the image of divinity, but we fight against it. The ego loves to create the lie of separation.
It is said that time heals all wounds. This is only if, and when, we are ready to release what has hurt us. I’ve known people whose wounds are older than me and are still living in the memory of the event and trauma. Surrendering, letting go, releasing…these are all beautiful words of wisdom. They sound simple. It’s like telling a person who lives on adrenaline to stop and relax. How? How can one start to let go? How do we release the illusion of fear? Not everything that needs to be learned is pretty or tied up perfectly with a pink ribbon. Some things are monstrous, shameful and horrendous in nature, but it is those things that require release the most. Piggy backing secrets of shame is a sure way of stomping growth and the flow of life. And because we are creatures of habit and patterns the fears of past events overcast the future. The distress of unknown factors create a mountain out of flat land.
I am constantly reminded that what keeps me from achieving anything is me. What allows me to grow is me. What allows me to release is me. What releases the drama is me. And, at times what creates the same drama is me. I am getting better at releasing and surrendering. I don’t recognize the woman I was just a year ago, or even five months ago. I am peeling the onion layers at a time, but instead of getting smellier as I get to the core, I am getting sweeter. It isn’t easier to face those things that have no answers at this moment. It can be scary. It can be daunting. But, I do realize the need to abandon all control to God. His master plan is flawless, even when I don’t like it. Life is orchestrated to be lived through layers of complexity and simplicity; dark and light, yes and no. The duality of everything makes us, breaks us, and re-creates us.
Darling, what are you willing to surrender in order to start living an authentic life? Leave the comfort zone and venture out into the world of magic. We all have to be honest and determine what’s important. If your past is killing you then stop looking at the rear view mirror, you don’t live there anymore. Sharing and letting go frees the skeletons in the closet and allows you to finally bury them in the ground. Forgive. Forgive you and her and him and them. You are only responsible for your life and your choices! Stop trying to pay debts that aren’t due or owed or even in the near future. If you must, live one-second-at-a-time because during some circumstances living one-day-at-a-time seems like too much. And that’s all we can do to surf the wave of uncertainty.
You got this, darling! You have it all in your superhero-freaking-awesomest soul! Go shine as you are made to do! ~m.a.p.