The Runner

I visited a friend who is struggling. She’s selling everything to flee and run far away from here. I recognize the behavior. For the large part of my life I ran. I either ran towards something or ran away from it. I ended up in the mountains running from a life that was comfortable into a life of pure work…but spiritually enriching. Because the “comfortable life” was empty and full of imprisonment by a man who was emotionally abusive. It took years of stripping my ego and self worth to build it into something authentic. At forty-two years old I hadn’t a clue who I really was. I was playing different roles depending on who needed them.

Seeing her today gave me palpitations. I wanted to just hold her and let her know that no matter how far she runs she will always have to deal with the core truth of herself. The running is only temporary. It will never be permanent until she lets go of the issues that she’s avoiding. I am sure someone (or many) tried to tell me the same thing eight years ago. I didn’t hear it. And I am blessed to have had support because I really struggled. It was a horribly painful time. Talk about dark nights of the soul…for several years.

Love and heartache have a way of pushing us to extremes. Nothing forces us to run quicker than the feeling of abandonment and toxic energy. It’s exhausting. It’s paralyzing so when the energy arrives to sprint away the body just sees it as survival. Who am I to try and stop her?

I hugged and kissed her, wishing her the very best. It will be a delicious adventure and a painful one. She’s headed to the desert. Nothing strips the soul deeper than that. I get it. I feel it. I know it well.

Darlings, you can only do what’s best for you regardless of what others tell you. If you need to run, do it. If you need to stay, do it. If you need a break, have it. But do not let another soul force you into making harsh decisions because of fear. Wounds heal…eventually. Love returns when you return to it. As soon as you recognize that you are a divine lover to yourself things begin to align. Until that moment you will continue to run yourself ragged. You are the most precious commodity in the world. Don’t let someone else make you feel otherwise. ~m.a.p.

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