Last week I re-read a memoir I started writing many years ago after an accident that erased my memory. Now, so many years later, returning to it caused me a great amount of emotional distance and the ability to finish it. Life has truly had some wonderful turn of events. But after reading it I was deeply angry for several days. On the drive to the beach I shared the range of emotions with my hubby. I explained I wasn’t so much angry with those who hurt me as I was with myself for allowing it to go on for so many years. We talked about those things in the intimate manner that only someone who knows the real you can support.
Slowly the anger showed up as grief. I mourned the parts I lost. But I also rejoiced in all that I gained. I sat with those things outside last night under the yummy scenery and let go. With every mosquito bite, or chiggers sucking at me, I released parts of the grief. I left them by the river. I allowed the new me to emerge through self-compassion.
That’s the thing about time and anger: it disguises itself in the most perfect of ways. I’ve done a LOT of release this year, huge strides in healing. I’ve mostly forgiven me. And in that surrender I have met some deeply powerful and authentic humans. Because of doing the work, I am meeting magnificent mirrors. I love you all. I get to see the real me through such divine guidance.
Allow yourself the gift of surrendering, sitting with the emotions, and making friends with them. Send them love. Don’t sensor your waves of ups and downs. That’s the soul expressing itself through spiritual growth.
You must confront those things in order to let them go.