Old Programming of Running Away

Running is my default when things get hard and heavy. I automatically go into that mode and have to talk myself out of it. It’s exhausting! And at mid-century of a timeline I am getting better at breathing through it. I am better at stepping back and not reacting immediately. I have come a long way…but the programming is still there and it takes a while to readjust my thinking.

Running away is easier. It releases me of responsibility of dealing with whatever the obstacle or challenge. Running comes with a romantic fantasy that wherever I end up won’t be where I am.

This is all bullshit but it’s still my default programming. It’s still the first thought that appears when shit hits the fan. It’s my immediate flight response. I don’t fight. I just go around the issue and truly hope I drown it in fairy dust. Usually when I step away it resolves itself, or I happen to let it go so long that the universe aligns with my desires.

So…I stay put. I breathe through the challenges. I step away from the ego chit chat and face the discomfort. I disconnect from that particular moment and define what’s important. I begin to take accountability through gratitude. And I enter my spiritual practice for however long it takes to readjust my compass. I basically put myself in Time Out!

Running might be part of my DNA but I can overcome it. My father ran from every responsibility. In his absence I’ve learned to detect, accept and reject whatever is causing me turmoil.

The worst scenario for a runner is the feeling of stagnation and feeling stuck. It’s a slow death. A shift in perception and a deep spiritual practice have been my saving grace.

What do you overcome?

How do you shift your default programming?

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?

8 thoughts on “Old Programming of Running Away

  1. Jane Sturgeon

    Darling Millie, I so relate to this. It has taken me over half a century to see the programming. It’s unkind to measure in any kind of way, especially with time. We have this awareness and that is the gift. I ground, re-ground and ground again and stay in the discomfort. Music and nature help, as does complicated Aran knitting patterns. I have to turn off my thinking for long enough to override the old program, so I can stay put and flow with it. Hugest, soft hugs for you, my love, always. ❤ xXx

    1. I love you. Thank you. Something interesting about this blog. My husband rarely reads my posts on social media. Our interests are totally different. And what the heck! he lives with me. But a few days after this post he asked me as we were going to bed if I really wanted to run away from him and the kids? I was in that space of falling asleep and groggy. I woke and asked why he would ask that? He said he read my post. So I explained that wanting to run away was totally different than leaving. That I honored my emotions and the feeling of being overwhelmed. I reassured him I wasn’t going anywhere. And this is why we don’t read each other’s shit. Lol. But I do stay. And I believe in the power of God and mysteries that create a new day everyday. What happened yesterday doesn’t have to enter today or tomorrow. Mucho love to you, Jane. I wish you a wonderful day.

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