I’ve learned invaluable lessons during these last 6 weeks of staying home about myself and my family:
I have more patience than I give myself credit for.
I have a horrid-wicked-twisted sense of humor when I am not busy with my own stuff. I have to water it down!
I have accepted that I am not a teacher…nor ever want to be. And I respect educators so much. Now more than ever before.
I avoid lots of emotional shit until I don’t and then it comes out in a massive wave of release. And, boy, have I released beyond words. I’ve let go of triggers and traumas because I haven’t been able to run from them.
I don’t need much. All those trips to Home Goods and Target were to fill an emptiness. I haven’t stepped into either place in more than 6 weeks and I am fine with it.
My kids are excellent emotional button pushers. And, I have learned to truly return to the present moment with them because they, too, are experiencing a different routine. Now the routine has become normal. They are my biggest teachers.
We love the outdoors. I have given so much love to the yard for the first time since we bought this house a year and a half ago. I am learning to be gentle out there and watch spring as it’s blooming everywhere. I, too, am blossoming.
My oldest son is staying here from New York and our conversations in the evenings have been priceless. There is nothing sweeter than having stimulating conversations with your grown children. When my own thoughts come out of his mouth I get giddy. It’s been the first time in 12 years since we’ve been together longer than a week at a time during holidays.
I am grateful. I have learned that I am truly happy with my life (on most days) even when the young kids take the piss out of me. I am grateful for my husband still having a job and putting his life in danger out there.
My spirituality took a giant blow for three or four weeks during this. I questioned everything and, at the same time, nothing at all. I felt numbed and disconnected. I couldn’t feel the other realm. And, then I did and it’s come back with such depth.
I have learned to stop speculating. I’ve stopped reading things that triggered me on social media. I rarely watch the news. I won’t entertain things that hit my spiritual truth and knowing.
I marvel at it all. Six weeks have been a gift of their own. I know many have lost loved ones. I know the risks taken with each breath out there. I know that I know nothing about what will happen in the upcoming months.
I have reached out to those who I’ve missed but was too busy to talk to. We’ve connected again through amazing increments of time.
Being home has never felt safer. It has never felt warmer. This has been a giant pause for me. I have done very little with my writing, or creativity (other than yard work) and I have learned to be okay with it.
All that I could have done with this time has gone into raising a small family. It’s been a delightful gift to do this fully and mindfully…until I get to bed with exhaustion. But, it has been lovely to learn so much about me at this age.
I had a birthday during this time. I celebrate my birthday all 30 days of April. This year it hasn’t been like that. I haven’t had me time in weeks. But, that also has brought tremendous awareness. Fifty-two years have come and this one I will never forget.
I am certain there are many other lessons I can’t remember at this time. I am healing. It’s never ending. I am excited to see what’s on the other side of this.
What have you learned? What has this PAUSE brought for you and your family?