I met Nikki in Starbucks this morning. She was three people behind me in the line. Once I ordered I walked towards her and whispered, “I’m sure you get this a lot but you are absolutely gorgeous.”
She looked into my eyes and told me she didn’t.
“What’s wrong with people?” I asked smiling.
“Thank you so much for that compliment.” Her eyes began to tear up. “I don’t feel well today.”
“Girl, you fake it well.” I asked her for a hug and she began to cry.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetheart! It’s only one day. You fake it well. Actually that’s such shit, you know. That whole statement of faking it till you make it. It’s like stomping vulnerability in fear that the world will witness your humanity!”
She cried while nodding in agreement. I reached for her hands.
“Talk to me. Tell me what’s aching in that tender heart?”
She shared right there in line, after she placed her order. She let go briefly of something so harsh and it came out in small syllables. So we hugged. We connected. I told her it was one day. It was one month. It was just life but that came short of what truly aches in her. I will never know the entire story and I don’t care to. What I know is that she was hurting.
I felt the break. I kissed her cheek and told her I would send her loving light and prayers. She accepted them. And just like that it was over.
It only takes one second to smile or reach towards another. She needed that release. I happened to be the catalyst and it could have been anyone.
Mary Oliver’s line is always one I use to remind myself that in darkness there are gifts just as many as in light. It’s all how you show up and allow for the lessons to unfold. Don’t let one situation dictate your entire life. Life fluctuates between the dark and the light… and they are both encompass by love.
I love you,
3 thoughts on “The Gift of Darkness”
The darkness that is dementia is, in some ways I suppose, a gift…at least the people who are in the later stages don’t know how it effects their loved ones. For us loved ones? If there is a gift, it’s that we eventually realize we need to live our lives while our loved one is cared for by some trusted professional caregiver. For me, the light comes from a sweet pup who waits for me to come or to come into the kitchen in the mornings and share some “lovies” with him on the floor. He is my sunshine on a stormy day; my angel with paws here on Earth, sent by my two most recent angels with wings to fill the emptiness their departure left in my life.
I feel you’ve had so much in your life with this. Sending you a giant hug.
There you go again…..serving as God’s agent …. a true angel on earth!!!🥰