Complete Awareness of Love 

Emotions aren’t suppose to make sense or be controlled. At times. Or always. I don’t know. This morning, actually for most of the night, I wept and laughed and rode the bipolar expressway of uncertainty. I don’t know how to describe what I am feeling. Perhaps gratitude. I went to work and started filing…leaving tears all over the place for those in search of words. Not very professional, I know. But, some ink stains require smudges. Or not. It’s all a treasure hunt for later! 

My husband had a horrible car accident a few days ago. He is okay. He is alive. By all logical purposes he shouldn’t be. He will need lots and lots of healing. He’s is here. With me. With us. I can’t even begin to unravel the last few days. I feel like I know nothing. 


Here is what I am certain about today: it’s a new day and I get to tell those I love and admire that I do; that I can see and feel them. This business of loving is always a little shaky with who receives the fairy emotions and who rejects them. I don’t really care. I am aware that I can be a little tad much for some who don’t wear vulnerability on their sleeves. I feel bad for them. I can come off like a mosquito biting with silliness and excessive amounts of corniness. And yes, it’s one of those days. Ughhhh…even I can’t stand being in my body with all these emotions surfing around inside. 

I have been seeing my angelic number 111 everywhere for days. So I am guided in the most amazing manners and I smile each time the number sequence shows up. 

That’s right, roll your eyes (it might be the only exercise you get today) but you are being guided by something. Believe me! There is so much going on cosmically right now. It’s coming at us in so many ways.  And so is the opening heart. 

That’s love, you know. That’s the ultimate acceptance and awareness of what it is to be so open with the world that you feel. Feel it all to the oomph degree.  

I used to be scare. Oh my gawd! I was so scared of loving this deeply and being rejected…cause I was attracting it through that fear. Yeah…no more. I don’t care if the cashier looks at me funny when I tell her I appreciate her. Or when the Starbucks girl sees me come in and automatically puts “Giggle” on my order as she rolls her eyes. Or, that I keep telling my husband a million times that I love him and don’t want him to hit any more trees with a car….please! Or a zillion other ways I continue to express me all the time. I will continue to remind folks of their light and love and importance. This is my role here. To just be. To just allow. I am not here to judge you for what you are or lack. I am not here to lead anyone to anything. But, I am here to allow these emotions today to come and go. 

I was asked to come home from work cause who needs a middle-aged woman sobbing at her desk one moment and laughing through the tears the next. I am blessed to have that kind of work. They deal with mental health every single day and I might just be their biggest headcase.  

Stop controlling the emotions…stop labeling them…stop trying to make sense of their rise and fall. You are allowed grief, joy, laughter, love, sorrow, anger, despair, love and elation. You are allowed frustration, mini tantrums (without hurting another), and the rainbow spectrum of everything else. Cause we all know that there is not one moment in the day we go without feeling something. ANYthing.

I love you. There! It’s said again. And I hope you forgive yourself for anything that you feel isn’t working. But, f*•k, never ever ask forgiveness for loving another. Ever. Love isn’t meant to be chased. So whatever isn’t working let it go…but don’t you dare for one moment apologize for loving another. Even when they aren’t in your life anymore. They served a lesson. Smile…you are here…in spite of some shitty things. Allow love to heal THAT!

Be Fearless

Morning darlings! Do NOT allow anyone to kill your joy. Do NOT forbid anything to become an obstacle in the journey towards your dream. You hold the power to your life. Now go out there and find the easiest and fastest route that makes your heart dance. Use God as your GPS.

Breathing Space

Why do we sometimes allow spirituality to take a backseat? Why do we ignore the soul’s desire to spend quiet time alone? We start placing others’ needs before our very own. 
I had forgotten what it was to live in that hectic pace until recently. I have to remember not to compromise my spiritual needs over the physical ones. I have to remind myself that the discomfort of certain things lately is all a matter of perception. Nothing is real but how I observe and own it. 

I feel that the reason we forget to take time to contemplate is that we think it isn’t necessary every day. We can perhaps squeeze that time in the shower, driving, or right before sleeping. Spiritual nurturing requires time and effort just like physical work, career, family catering and entertainment. 

Spirituality is the center of the soul. When we avoid those moments of centering, we are doing a huge injustice to ourselves. We become imbalanced.

What can possibly require us to avoid quiet time? I was reminded of this picture and how I felt two years ago hiking that mountain. So, now in my lunch time, I stare at it…breathing in the memory and how important it is to quiet my mind. 

Fear of the unknown, anxiety, and the ego fighting the endless battle of narcissism create scenarios that don’t really exist. Finding a place, making a small space, or even just stopping for five minutes allows the spirit to center itself. Nothing is that important that we cannot meet the needs of our spirit to be still. NOTHING! Believe me that when the soul asks, you need to listen. 

I have forgotten this with so much going on. The constant irritation of trying to make more time has reminded me to breathe and meditate right now. There is no appointment. Things cannot be postponed. My physical body has been calling for it through exhaustion. I am not ignoring it. I cannot handle the pain and move forward to stillness through avoidance. I know my stubbornness gets in the way of my spiritual growth like a mosquito attacking me in every direction. It’s incredible how something so small and annoying can get the blood boiling. But just like a mosquito, I can choose to slap it away. Silence, meditation, prayer, hiking, yoga…whatever you can find to escape the ego, is necessary for balance and harmony. The soul needs to recharge and find stillness. It’s not just during sleep. Spirit needs to find connection with the universe during waking hours as well.

May you find a space that can bring you to inner peace. Pausing throughout the day (many times if needed) brings my spirit to a place of awareness, serenity, and self love. My humanness and relationship with others is enriched by the conscious connection with Divinity. It just takes one step in front of the other and deep breaths…. then I find God echoing through all of me.

Answers come when we let go and make room for them. While we try to control the outcome we cannot hear. The only way is to step out of the mind and be led through the essence of my heart. In that space is where truth lies for me!

The Weight of Love

Last night I was wide awake for hours…staring at the bedroom ceiling. I could see the lights of few passing cars make shadows through the blinds. I could hear the crickets echoing through the woods, answering to the bull frogs. I could hear the sweet voices of ancestors who call for my attention in the wee hours. I could feel my heart expanding and closing to love. I felt such a powerful explosion of all that embodies me and around me. 

I thought, “I wonder what the weight of love is.”  

I know anger, resentment, guilt, shame, and all negative emotions have a density of true heaviness. They weigh us down. But, how could we measure the weight of love? It’s endless…it’s grand. It’s all there is that unfolds and embraces our essence. 

And yet, so many folks don’t entertain this magical emotion. They fear it. They shut it out. How? Why? Wow! 

I got giddy trying to find a weight number for the love I was feeling (those silly moments in my head that bring out the child in me). So, this morning, now watching the birds visiting on the front deck and butterflies kissing the berries, the rabbit and squirrels rushing for food, I feel the weight of love as endless abundance for all.  

I get to visit some sweet elderly folks today. In those facilities I find the weight of love staring back with stories. Some really really heavy. Others full of ache and despair. There is love and the lack of it. The fragrance of it lingers through rooms begging for visitation. It’s always a mystery to me as I witness the weight of so much that’s unspoken and untouched. But love is the composition that creates our lives to the fullest. I am conscious of handing it out like confetti and glitter. Broken hearted, happy and joyous, and at times completely forgetful, love still resides in each soul. 

Have a beautiful day. Stay in the love field. Raise your vibration to the highest number. That’s one weight I don’t mind being over the top! Muchísimo love, y’all!

Making Room for New

I have become a collector of love. I feel it through a caress from my mate, a kiss from my children and a kind word from a stranger. In collecting this source of humanness, I find hearts everywhere in nature. I can be hiking and see a heart-shaped rock, a leaf, or a puffy cloud dancing above me. Those “things” that filled my home years ago no longer have value. They were dust collectors that I don’t miss. I have purged from years of hoarding these belongings. Now, when I look at a heart-shaped rock I pick it up and take it home to throw it somewhere on our yard for another to find, for the fairies to collect. 
Memories are formed from love. We cherish those things that bring us joy, laughter, and lift the spirit to grow wings. I don’t retain too many distresses. In the past I would harbor those sorrows for too long. I kinda let them go easier now as I replace the space with the enchanting sentiment of acceptance. I feel, while others analyze. I go with my gut, while others reason with their heads. It is through these movements of allowing that creative energy is formed. I don’t need “things” but I do need the belonging that comes with an open heart. It is rare, magical and priceless. It is always there for the making, the taking and the awakening.

And this is where I have come to realize that in order to reinvent myself I must release the old me. I am not who I was two years ago, and I don’t miss that person. Each day something has pushed me to evolve. The old parts of me are magnificent. They have brought me here. And this moment is Mystical, created through a million stories of love and kindness.  

These are the moments that I collect which are priceless: laughter with friends, getting lost in the mountains, watching the squirrels feed from blueberry bushes, meeting new people and hearing a story….

These are the memories that return during doubts, misunderstandings, and the unusual bad days. Ah…to gather these words and tuck them way inside…that’s what a true anthology of love looks like. This is what I choose to collect among a materialistic world. It is through these memories that I expand and broaden my knowing of spirit. This is what makes me anew and forces me to continue creating a loving woman. 

Leave the self doubt, the dirty self talk and return to Source. You want to be different, then start new. Do those things that bring joy. 

I love you.

Regret Nothing 

Regrets!!!! Yeah, that little word that holds the past prisoner: What you didn’t do; What you left unsaid; What you could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve done. The reality is that each challenge and obstacle molded you to who you are right now.  

Why the regrets? Why the soul torturing of stuff you cannot change? 

Because time ticks and waits for no one or nothing. Because great experiences “might” appear in the future but your only reference to what has happened is in the past. 

Several years ago I wrote over a dozen letters to people I thought I had hurt. And those I didn’t hurt I wanted to clarify that I was having to let them go in order to heal. I received beautiful responses, even though I expected none, all but two folks. I didn’t do it to get answers. I wrote in order to move on and I did. I regret nothing of things I’ve done. I only regret, every so often, having left important words unsaid. And to this moment there is only one person I hold with that and soon that, too, will be clarified. It’s a huge part of my life. It’s been something brewing for over twenty-five years. There is no regret, but the acceptance that things need closure. 

I don’t understand when someone starts on the “I regret this or that. I am too old for my dreams. I wish I had said that or this to that person….”
If you are breathing, you can still do everything you claim you could have done. And if the person is gone, still voice it out. The act of forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you! Dreams do not care about your age or the tenacity of your bones. 
Darlings, regret nothing. Allow those things in the past to be mile markers for huge transformations. 

I embrace my stupid mistakes. I recognize how far I’ve grown. I am grateful there was no cellphones with camera back then. I look back and laugh at how I am still alive. I was responsible, but ohhhh so reckless. Youth was wasted on my inability to see clearly. Lol. 

So go out into the freaking delicious world and do the things you wanted.  Do the things that scare you. Make things happen and sparkle. If you can’t do them then do something else. You ain’t done until you stop breathing. 

Now I must go collect my industrial size glitter into my car and start sprinkling some joy around like confetti. Apparently there seems to be a deficit these days with all this regret crap going on….

Mucho love, y’all!

The Universe 

The Universe is under no obligation to make sense to you. Its purpose is to exist for the best possible outcome that aligns with your higher self.

That’s faith and belief. 

Faith is not an ability to foresee the outcome of a situation. It isn’t the holding on and believing the far circumstances of every tomorrow. Faith is the anchor that holds certainty even when it doesn’t look good, even when you have no clue what will happen. It is taking every single step blindly while knowing that the Universe has your best interest. 

You aren’t in control so let go and let God! The moment you start to manipulate an outcome, things begin to fall apart. You create scenarios and obstacles that have no business being there. 

Live in the magic of transformation. Love the journey of what is and what isn’t. Laugh and be inJOY! That’s where you will find God.