Category: Essay

Disappearing of a Man

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I visited an elderly client yesterday with advance dementia. He had come back from the dentist and had a tooth extracted. There was still blood on his lips.

I kissed his forehead although immediately by his gaze I could tell he didn’t recognize me.

“How are you feeling after your dentist appointment?” I asked while holding his hand. I had knelt to his eye level.

“I haven’t gone to the dentist.” He answered confused.

“Oh, darling! My bad. I thought you went out today.” I smiled.

“I did,” he said. “I went on a drive through the mountains. (He paused)…with you!”

I smiled and hugged him.

We haven’t gone out on a drive in months because he has not been well. But at that moment he remembered me just a little bit. I don’t correct them when they share. I go with the flow and we return to the moment again.

I sat with him until he felt an ache in his mouth and asked if I would come back another day. I hugged and kissed him. I told him that I would.

“But you promise to come see me again, right?!” He asked like a little boy.

“I will, darling.”

I had to go to the facility’s restroom and let the heartache come out. I sat in there and cried. He has declined so much. And to witness his confusion is usually not this drastic. It’s life. It’s his life. And he’s pretty much alone except for the staff and me. He has me and will continue to have me for however long he needs a friendly smile.

I have learned so much working with dementia clients. I have learned to be mindful and present. I have learned to go with the flow. I have learned to embrace the moments of joy and laughter because they do disappear quickly. I have learned so much from each one of my elderly folks. I have heard stories of love, loss and regrets. I’ve been present when they return to another era and I get to be transported there through their words and actions. Sometimes it’s been like being inside of a time machine. Because…whenever they go back in time they are right there. And I can ask about smells, colors, music and feel their hallucinations as strongly as them. We get to feel the moments together.

They are aha moments. For both of us.

My life has been enriched by these powerful moments. I’ve been truly blessed by the connections that will forever be a part of my own stories.

Take advantage of your mental health today. Right now. Feel the blessings for being here. Tomorrow is not promised. I love you.

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Be Brave

On By Sacred JourneyIn Essay6 Comments

I’ve had several weeks of smallness. I’ve needed to make my life tiny in order to make big decisions and concentrate on some changes.

So…I meditate. I get out in nature. I travel far beyond the dimensions. I make sure to have no chaos or distractions from those around me. Because, ultimately, I need to care for me in order to care for others.

I’m super selfish with my me time. I will not comprise for anything unless it’s an emergency. I am blessed to have a husband who allows me this time with so much respect.

I’m no good if I can’t distance myself from the naysayers. I get to a point that I just can’t do anything but be…alone. I truly go on shutdown.

We move and make decisions based on experiences and our personal level of awareness. I cannot ask others to help me when they have not experienced the challenges. And believe me, everyone has an opinion the moment you make things public. Everyone starts to tell you how you need to live based on what they’ve experienced. People are moved through fear in most cases. And then it’s transposed on to our human spirit.

But your higher self leads the way. It is your internal GPS. It knows truth. It begins to guide you to continue trekking.

Every mountain you choose to climb begins with small steps. If you go too fast you start to feel the unhealthy pressure and lack of breath. You allow fear to take over in that momentum. The tinier the steps the more endurance you accumulate. It might take longer but to climb a high mountain you need to truly be mindful of your life substance…your breath. You have to continue the self pep talks. You must believe in yourself beyond anything else.

GO Climb your mountains. Regardless how others react. Go after your goals in spite of the naysayers. Take chances. Pick a path along the journey even when there are a million deviations. Keep climbing. Keep breathing. Keep focusing on what you want. In my life time I have heard a million opinions “you can’t do that!” And I have made it and looked back and realized that I believed in myself more than anyone has believed in me. I’ve done some impossible things that have no logical explanation. And I don’t require logic to create through mysticism. I have faith!

Your life is a blessing made up of so many magical moments. Don’t allow anyone to instill their shit on you. Ever! You begin to create the life you desire the moment you put on those hiking boots and start walking towards your purpose. The higher your purpose the more people will try to pull you down. It’s all a game and you get to decide how you participate.

You can do anything you want. I promise. But start with your inner awareness and full heart belief. Love yourself enough to turn the impossible into possible.

Tribute to Women

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To all my lady friends who are moving through difficult or challenging times please remember this:

We are women of strength, substance and adventure. We conquer our destinies while savoring the journey. We do not allow another to dictate our worth. We have learned through the past, ancestors, and our own experiences how to reinvent ourselves; how to find joy through the creative knowings; how to love deeply and move on; how to listen to the whispers of our divine spirit.

We have learned the art of forgiveness, release, picking up the pieces of what is fragmented and not allowing another to determine how long we must remain in darkness. We have found that light and dark are the balance of our existence. We hold these tributes to every obstacle that has been put in our way.

My Goodness…we are fabulous! Look at us. We are goddesses. We may fall, scrape our knees, and get our fragile bodies back in business because we are the collective One. We are the feminine energy that is now needed to heal this planet. We are shifting the Great Mother into some amazing times.

And how do we begin to do that?

By healing our own hearts and taking that frequency outwards into the world. By helping the beautiful men in our lives to heal as well and showing them their most delicious powers. We are reminding them that we need each other…not one side more than the other. Because…. Together we rise into a new wave of love and respect.

There is no us and them. It’s a collaboration of masculine and feminine energy that will create a massive conscious shift in our timelines.

Thank you for being in my tribe. I love you all! You become mirror reflections of what I need, have become and will continue to evolve into. It’s truly an honor to be walking this life alongside you.

It’s a magical time to witness our existence….

Unexpected Moments

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I received a call at work today from a man asking for one of our employees. I gave him her number and he stopped me, “Is this Millie?”

“Yes it is.”

“Oh goodness. Today is my lucky day…” He tells me his name in complete giddiness.

“You might not remember me but you changed my life one really bad morning about a year ago.”

I said, “oh noooo! What the heck did I say to you?”

“I was having a horrible day. I was actually having a really bad time in my life. You somehow noticed it in my voice and you kept me talking. A total stranger. You just let me talk and you said to me (he starts to giggle) you gotta put on your big boy pants, darling. One bad day doesn’t make a bad life. I’m feeling you (and when you said that I started to cry)… you kept me talking until I broke down and all this before 8am.

He continued to share that after our phone call he decided to make a list of what brought him joy. And he changed jobs, moved from where he was living and completely pushed through the bad days.

“Millie, there were days I couldn’t find my big boy pants. But your kindness to a total stranger made me realize that there is hope.”

I was deeply touched. I don’t remember the man but I’m glad the conversation went well. It could have gone really really bad and who knows where he would have ended up?

“I made so many calls that day and week and I couldn’t remember where I had spoken to you. Then I left that job and today wouldn’t you know it you answer the phone.”

I share this story because you just never ever know how you can lift someone. Who will you touch? Who may need your humor and cheerleading? Who may just be waiting for a life jacket to survive? This man apparently needed my craziness and silly advice that one day. As he continued sharing all that has transpired, including me telling him to write and create, he began to feel better about himself.

Darlings, life is too short not to share with strangers. It is also too long to wait for things to magically appear. Put on your big boy/girl pants and get out there and make the change. One step at a time. One person at a time. One conversation at a time. One love at a time. You get to choose this and it’s pure divine connection. I love you.

The Sacredness of Presence

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I was able to watch the sun come up today driving kiddos to school. It was later than usual. And those aha moments began to gather. I breathed deeply at the traffic lights. I inhaled the sun peeking. I exhaled to the awareness of presence. I teared up at the beauty all around me in these mountains and I recited my prayers of gratitude.

Who you are today is a compilation of every past experience. And, you are nothing of what you will be tomorrow. That’s the beautiful mysticism of understanding the evolution of the soul.

You are the universe embodied in a human vehicle. You are a zillion cells and infinite years old. Things change every second. I urge you to pay attention.

I’ve been wealthy. I’ve been poor. I’ve been a follower. I’ve been a teacher. I’ve been an avid student. I been a mother. I’ve been a wife and a lover. I’ve been angry and happy and lost and found. I’ve been broken and pasted back together mending in my private times. None of those labels will define my tomorrow because I am ever changing…but they have defined the soul I’ve become at this moment. Every single challenge and experience has molded me. It’s never the end. We are semicolons pausing and quickly beginning a new phase. Every single day.

Just as the sun rising and the night returning…You get to restart and reinvent yourself over and over. It’s a divine privilege. It’s your human right.

So don’t let the stress of tomorrow overshadow the sacredness of presence now. You will never be this young again. You will continue to grow in spirit and the moment you become aware of your power life will begin to shift.

I love you. Be present. Make it a point to stop, have a conscious breath, and taste your life for what it is. Whether it’s good or bad it is your life. And you can change it whenever your accept that this is not a prison life sentence. It is truly a magical experience of endless proportions.

~m.a.p.

Integrity for Purchase

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A coworker was sharing a story about someone. Another coworker said that it was “integrity for purchase.” This meaning that the person had integrity only when it was monetarily convenient to her.

I had one of those Aha Moments. Integrity for purchase isn’t just based on monetary or materialistic issues. Some folks just acquire integrity based on their needs. But, at the end of the day they are still lacking character, authenticity, principle and honor. They lack value and falsify it by acquiring what they need from others in a sneaky way.

These are narcissists, ego maniacs and highly selfish people. They can manipulate others for their needs. And those folks who are kind can often times find themselves in a horrible web of hurt and despair because of their behaviors.

It’s sickening. It’s destructive. It’s inhumane.

Integrity is a huge one for me. I observe folks by their actions and not by what they say. They can write lovely things and behave egotistically. They can look at you straight in the eyes and believe their own lies.

As I continue walking into a deepened spiritual journey I am always questioning my own integrity. I question my own egotism. And I hope I continue to question it because it keeps me in check.

I also tend to beat myself up for wrong-doings…. For cheating on my soul because I wanted something so badly and I knew (instinctively) that it wasn’t for me. This also keeps me grounded in checking my integrity. I am imperfect and do fall for those who promise what they will never give. They are amazing salesmen.

Darlings, please recognize the toxic energy associated with these types of personas. They are sick individuals who thrive on the kindness and compassion of higher frequencies. They believe they can get a great deal for what you easily project. Remember that your integrity is not for sale!

Old Programming of Running Away

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Running is my default when things get hard and heavy. I automatically go into that mode and have to talk myself out of it. It’s exhausting! And at mid-century of a timeline I am getting better at breathing through it. I am better at stepping back and not reacting immediately. I have come a long way…but the programming is still there and it takes a while to readjust my thinking.

Running away is easier. It releases me of responsibility of dealing with whatever the obstacle or challenge. Running comes with a romantic fantasy that wherever I end up won’t be where I am.

This is all bullshit but it’s still my default programming. It’s still the first thought that appears when shit hits the fan. It’s my immediate flight response. I don’t fight. I just go around the issue and truly hope I drown it in fairy dust. Usually when I step away it resolves itself, or I happen to let it go so long that the universe aligns with my desires.

So…I stay put. I breathe through the challenges. I step away from the ego chit chat and face the discomfort. I disconnect from that particular moment and define what’s important. I begin to take accountability through gratitude. And I enter my spiritual practice for however long it takes to readjust my compass. I basically put myself in Time Out!

Running might be part of my DNA but I can overcome it. My father ran from every responsibility. In his absence I’ve learned to detect, accept and reject whatever is causing me turmoil.

The worst scenario for a runner is the feeling of stagnation and feeling stuck. It’s a slow death. A shift in perception and a deep spiritual practice have been my saving grace.

What do you overcome?

How do you shift your default programming?

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?