Holding Space for Peace

Put your love and compassionate shields up, darlings. Something is shifting. Huge waves of division in timelines happening. The gap is growing. Remember who you are and what you represent. Anger is a wonderful catalyst for change but it can also destroy the foundation of what you may be trying to transform.
You cannot take all that hate and expect it will turn to love without destruction. It will attract more hate. Fear will fuel it and it will spread like wild fire through a forest.

Put your heart in gear. Ground yourself. This may get really bumpy. We have a serious pandemic evolving. All of this is part of the crumbling of illusions. Do whatever you are pulled to do but return to the highest frequency of divine understanding.

Life is truly transforming. Love will win. There is so much that needs to crumble. Things cannot get better by doing the same exact thing.

Love you Mucho. Holding space for the sacredness of peace.

Hate Will Stop

This hate will stop. It stops with me giving it power.

This is not about policemen being racist. Or some privilege woman moving through her own fears and backwards programming. It’s not about political parties enhancing hate. It’s about the imbalance in humanity. And yes, some groups do heighten the hate. But, ultimately it’s a humanitarian issue.

Since the beginning of time there has been a separation in how we show up in our world. There have been disastrous wars over religion and politics. There have been genocides over powerful hate for one class and another. The labels and boundaries have always been there because we put them there.

Racism, prejudice, segregation, bigotry and inconceivable hatred have always been around. But we didn’t have the ability to see it happening as quickly as we do now.

The more power we give to it the faster it spreads. We get to shun and shut it down by truly teaching through empathy.

And… it’s so hard to be sympathetic when horrific crimes are being committed. It’s hard to sleep when you see and hear the injustice in our world. It’s sickening! I guess it takes a virus to spread to take notice and I don’t mean COVID19. I mean the virus of pure evil hatred.

It’s all coming to the light. It’s happening quickly and frequently so we shift it as a collective.

We are ascending. Many are moving from this 3D frequency into higher ones. And to witness the hurt and hatred in the world feels impossible to navigate.

We are experiencing the morphing of a massive awakening. Let’s not forget what the last few months have taught us about connections. We were in a global crisis together with disregard for race, gender, age and anything else that we have created to separate us. We are still in it. Don’t think for one minute this will go away so quickly.

Our choices are to continue loving and keeping that frequency. Or, stay in fear and hate. You can’t have both.

We are seeing the end of a massive karmic event. We have allowed all this shit to happen and now we are taking stance. And many are appalled that they are seeing what they are seeing. Because… so many have been asleep.

Be gentle as they wake to the horrors. Be kind and compassionate just because you were aware beforehand. It doesn’t make you better or higher in gene pool of humanity. Let’s remove ego out of the equation.

We are actually able to change it all. The majority of the collective is becoming aware of their inner power. We get to decide how we show up.

Love trumps hate over and over. I don’t care what you believe. If your political or religious preference fools you to believe that we are okay then you truly will continue evolving through hate. You are stuck in a loophole of some serious old programming.

I choose love. I choose to love and forgive the lack of humanity and awareness while continuing to move through love. Because… I know it is love that will save humanity. It is love that made us and it is love that will raise us. This doesn’t diminish the atrocity. It doesn’t erase what is happening. I cannot throw fairy dust and then hide my head in the sand. I get to decide if I continue giving hate more power or reinforcing our natural state of compassion.

I love YOU. ❤️

Allowing Everyone To Be Themselves

When I began to write on social media I recognized quickly I would be neutral. I rarely discuss politics, religion, and my personal relationship with those close to me. I will touch lightly on those things in a way to share a message but I won’t go into argumentative sharing.

Why?

Because that energy is not who I am. I won’t entertain harshness. It has nothing to do with not honoring our duality of dark and light. It has to do with how I choose to stay in a higher vibrational space. I am not blinded by some fairy sparkling light that doesn’t allow me to see the hate and darkness in the world. Believe me I have experienced lots of life.

I am the most imperfect person I know. I am real. And I am vulnerable and raw. If something hits me I will keep scrolling. I can love you from here and not desire to sit there and argue with your personal perspective. We are all coming from our own level of awareness.

I will continue to come from a place of peace. I learn a lot on social media about our society and the state of our world. All you have to do is read and recognize the division.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again since I got a message from someone who didn’t like what I posted from a positive perspective: this is my page. I will continue to show up through love. It’s how I live my life. I’m not here to impress anyone. I am here sharing my muses like kisses from an old friend.

I am not interested in getting into some conflicting debate about beliefs. I want to see you and your heart; how you treat others when you don’t agree with them; how you call yourself a compassionate and spiritual soul and truly love as such. I am here to feel inspired by you. I am here to just love even if we don’t agree. I can see past that.

This is our humanness. I love all aspects of it: the messy and the clean.

Your theories and beliefs are yours. I love you for taking your perspective and sharing it with others just like I do. But, please respect mine. Do not send me messages condemning me for “trying to be a bullshit love goddess.” (Had this person called me a “bullshit love fairy” I might have been a little insulted). I sent this person a sweet love letter asking if we could talk and maybe learn more about each other. Obviously I needed it. I wanted to feel this person’s spirit. But, I was then blocked.

Keep scrolling. Unfriend me. But I get to choose what I post and how I show up here. I love… with some inappropriate humor… but I love. That’s how I roll!

Be Kind

Be kind to each other. If you are out there amongst others show compassion. Whether you wear a mask, an armor and a shield…or not at all… please be kind. Humanity seems to be losing its grip to what really matters. You matter. I matter. We all matter. Have we not learn a single lesson the last few months?

I went to get a few things at a store and the cashier was almost in tears. I thanked her for all she’s doing. She said she didn’t know how much more she could handle. People are vicious at times. And I stood on the other side of the plexiglass unable to touch her, hug her and assure her that it will get easier.

It might not. It might require that we truly experience a deeper awakening. I don’t know. My words were empty. It’s odd. It doesn’t feel like there is humanness in my syllables. My tone doesn’t do justice to how my heart feels.

We will get through this not just by social distancing but by generously allowing each other kindness, empathy, love, no judgment and profound understanding of how connected we are. Let’s not have prickly hearts that don’t feel. Let’s remember that even without touch we can still connect by looking into each other’s souls. There we will find truth.

A Time to Just Be

A friend contacted me today. We hadn’t spoken since February. She’s an amazing writer, artist and creator of so many things. She explained that she hasn’t been able to create anything since the virus took over our lives.

Zilch. Not a painting. Not a poem. Not a post. No photographs. Nada.

I listened while a herd of children were being menaces in the background. I heard her. I felt her disappointment and frustration. She said that to have been gifted all this time and not create feels like she’s failed the Universe in some way. Somehow she’s got shame.

I suggested that perhaps this time was not about being creative for her. But, it was about just being. Not keeping busy. It was about allowing healing to come through. And the healing didn’t want to transpire into creativity.

There was silence on her end. Even my children were quiet and I found myself breathing the space in between here and there. I found myself channeling that energy of just being. Exactly what I was expressing to her.

I feel that so many have felt disappointed because they didn’t create music, wrote a novel, painted oil on canvas or anything else that was expressed as “if I just had a month off I would do this and that….”

The collective has been so chaotic energetically. Trauma has been a huge theme and many have had to purge old programming. Creativity arrives from a place of divine guidance and if we have been bathed and consumed in heaviness there is little that would come through. The creative process needs sparks of positivity. It needs to rise from ease.

There is time for creativity. There is time for prayers and contemplation. I have had very little energy to create so I get it. But I have been able to do other things. We cannot push what’s not here at this time. We cannot feel guilty for ego scolding us for not doing more. We cannot do what we cannot do while merely living through the most radical times of our lives.

Please forgive yourself for your muses not helping you create. Forgive yourself in thinking you have slacked off on some precious chunk of time; For coming out of quarantine with nothing to show except long gray hair and extra body weight. You don’t have to feel bad about anything because you are still here on this world. You are one of the lucky ones.

Let’s honor ourselves for all that we’ve done or not done the last few months. There may be time tomorrow, or whenever. Love yourself enough to just let go of all expectations. Take this time to manifest a new beginning. May you accept what is and let go of what isn’t.

I love you. And, for those who have done magical things during this time my hat goes off to you. Bravo!

Two Worlds

Hello darlings. Yesterday a dear spiritual friend called me while I was alone in my car going to get soil for my veggie garden. I went into Lowe’s and came out in less than 10 minutes. I am still not ready to emerge with the world. I keep getting inklings of so much that’s happening and until my gut doesn’t feel sick I will remain put. It is not fear but precaution.

As she and I spoke I realized that I am not alone with these feelings. We spoke about the timelines splitting. We can see things happening now. There is a massive and drastic contrast in people and their choices. And I feel it will get larger.

Our lives feel rather wobbly. It all seems surreal. About three years ago I was in meditation and I visited with an older version of me. This “me” was living in the mountains nearby but the world was different. I didn’t interact with this aspect of myself but I sat listening to her share what happened during “the great pandemic that changed humanity.” She said a lot of what’s happening now but also added how the political arena would cause a split in the ascension process and the world would see a giant separation in reality. I didn’t make much of that experience. I remember coming back from that astral visit and shaking my head believing I must be going insane… what pandemic? No such thing is gonna happen here.

I know…by now you have been sensing a lot of your own spiritual experiences. These times are not for sissies. I don’t argue with others who don’t think or believe like me. I won’t even interject what I feel. Everyone is navigating through their own shift. Everyone is sure they know what they know. It’s beautiful because it is true. They are in their knowing.

But, here is what I suggest for myself and others…to stay in your knowing. What doesn’t feel right is your own internal GPS guiding you. You ready to get out in the world? I am so proud of you and happy you feel it’s time. You don’t feel like it is time to merge into the world just yet? Stay put if that makes you feel safe.

We do not have to follow anyone. We have the ability to create and tap into our own realities. Mine might be so different from yours that you shake your head in judgment and think I am out of my mind (and I might just be). Speaking with my friend we realized that we have both received similar messages from our guides and it was good to confirm it. For me. For her.

I love you and I hope and pray you follow your knowing. You do not have to explain how you feel or have to experience guilt for not doing what others expect you to do. The world is changing quickly. There is so much that’s coming: good and hard. How we lived was not how we will return to live. Stay in your truth. Live in your knowing. Practice what you know to be your reality. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. By all means, if this doesn’t resonate with you please keep scrolling. If it does resonate I would love for you to share your experiences.

A New Dawn

Photo from Blue Ridge Parkway.

Change is here. Everything has changed for me and others. As I sit on my back deck I catch myself reminiscing about the beginning of this year and all the plans I had. I’m sure we all had trips planned, career goals, lifestyle changes and so much more in our thoughts.

The last few months there has been a freeing and release. I’ve let go of expectations and all the goals I had for 2020. There has been a spiritual expansion that has allowed me to truly work on some beautiful projects at home and within myself. Huge shifts have happened and continue to evolve. Witnessing spring in full bloom somehow matches part of my emotional and spiritual journey at this time.

I am turning. I am also transforming from one season into another. I recognize the desire to continue moving inward. It’s in upcoming months that I will watch and learn what humanity is made of. I have faith in the human race. I trust we’ve learned some powerful lessons lately.

The last few months have brought a huge awareness of what and who I allow in my life since social distancing has been a powerful experience. I have rid myself of major toxic energy. I have learned to protect myself from things that would bring others down. It’s been a wonderful gift of bearing down and letting go. It’s been a season of exposure from darkness into light. The world has been undergoing the dark night of the soul.

Things may appear to be back to normal as the world opens up. It may feel that we can get right back to what was routine a few months ago. Be gentle with how you proceed. Be cautious with your decisions. Be mindful of how you show up with others.

I don’t feel is possible to go back to normalcy. I have grown way too much to just dive right back to “what was” when “what is” feels so different. It feels like a different world to me. Even the energy of the collective is nothing like it was at the beginning of the year.

We’ve had a giant global pause and to disregard it is a real atrocity. It is a gigantic loss. What an experience to witness humanity at its most vulnerable state! To just go back to what was is basically bulldozing all that has been mastered and accomplished. We’ve been clearing individual toxicity.

We’ve been put in timeout and so much of our own tramas and triggers have come up and out. You can’t just dismiss that by returning to your previous normal.

I have seen mysticism all around me. I mean, remember when the sweet Italians were serenading to each other across balconies? How neighbors sat in their yards to talk to others with distance. How about all the creativity that has come out of this lockdown? How the animals came out of the forests to roam freely? How about the smog all over the planet, clearing up? Our appreciation for healthcare workers, teachers and others has been magnificent. People began to connect on a deeper level because for once we were all experiencing the same shift.

There is tremendous gratitude for my life and those I love beyond words. Seasons may come and go but my inner circle of friends and family continue to warm my heart all year long. I have met so many new people on social media. The world out there has changed. I can not deny the expansion.

Slow down and watch the world around you. I know you will get out there and return to your busyness but please remember the good things about the last few months. Recall how you were able to “just be” for the first time in forever. I am sorry if you have lost a lot during the crisis, especially a loved one. I know many who are in financial shambles. Folks are grieving. Let’s not forget about what has happened too quickly just to get back to business as usual.

There is a magnificent shift in our timelines happening right now. All we have to do is pay attention for the changes…the small and the large ones. We get to decide how we show up from here on and it will be interesting to watch.

It’s a new dawn. Rise to it.

I see you.
I honor you.
I love you.

Make Your Life Magical

Last month I celebrated the 52nd anniversary of my existence in this life. I feel the heaviness at times of half a millennium. And other times I marvel at the joy of not giving a crap with this age.

I was such a strict-over-the-top-controlling person. I was always stricken by anxiety. Everything had to be just so. I was not a perfectionist which seems ironic. It was the need to make sure that things were in order: the house, business, kids, family, friends… basically I took little time for my needs. And several times I almost died as if my spiritual guides were yelling, “Yo, WTH will it take for you to just slow down and enjoy yourself without worrying about others? Breathe, woman, breathe!”

At this age, especially during this time in history, I have stopped a lot of that old programming. The only time it shows up is if I am struggling with something and the house gets a deep cleaning, decluttering, and my husband takes notice to stop me and ask what is triggering it. To which I become aware of the old behavior. I take the time to honor the emotions rising instead of busying myself in avoidance.

It’s a privilege to be here. This age. This time. With these sweet people in my life. I don’t take it lightly. But I also keep gaining a wicked sense of humor that helps me with the deep indents of laugh lines on my face.

My hair is grey. My body is fuller and softer. I hurt myself with ridiculous stupid movements at times. I have hair coming out in places that shouldn’t have and hair has stopped growing in normal places too. I don’t often recognize the reflection in the mirror but I laugh at who is there. I don’t get as annoyed or angry as I used to in my youth. I am forgetful and this is great for those who share personal stuff with me. I truly don’t hold grudges. I am experiencing a delightfulness of finding inappropriateness and humor to simple comments. I don’t see things the same way I did when my attitude was so rigid.

Sometimes I wear all the colors together. Other times I am mindful that tutus and boots don’t always work well with certain places out there. I told my husband recently that I will be one of those eccentric old ladies. To which he answered, “You ARE already an eccentric old lady!” I cannot imagine what else will evolve in the next twenty or thirty years. I am a better mother because I am able to feel childish at times.

One thing I know for sure is that we are all on borrowed time. Tomorrow isn’t promised. I only get this moment. So why not make the most of it. Anything else is a bonus.

Let’s stop obsessing about things we can’t control or change. Let’s recognize how blessed we are that today we are here. Let go of the past regrets and resentments and live life in the now. When I worked with dementia patients I learned that what is important is living fully. Anything is carrying a ball and chain of emotional baggage that does nothing for your soul.

Instead of making your life a giant question mark make it a huge exclamation mark of yumminess. Life is one Tada moment after another.

Loving you fully right now. Right here. That’s all we truly have. Be you. Be the best you and stop worrying about how others see you. It’s all too heavy. Please put it down, sweetheart. Your soul will be at peace.

Quarantine

It’s the 52nd day of staying-home-safe for me and my family. It’s actually a little longer but I’m counting from the actual day the county started the lockdown.

The first four weeks were super intense for me. Shit was coming up that I hadn’t a clue was still dwelling in me. It was truly an opening, the dark night of the soul, a heroes journey of sorts (even when I didn’t feel any heroism). My spiritual knowing went on shut-off and all I could do was be present with every single moment. Having two little ones demanding of me 24/7 was the biggest obstacle of all and not be able to take them out was an experiment in extremes.

I cried a lot. The world’s uncertainty was scary and I don’t get scared easily. There was a sense of major anxiety wrapped in panic. I felt helpless. I could no longer say “I don’t live in that reality.”

But, in spite of the emotional roller coaster ride, something happened around the fifth week. I was in the yard working and clearing bushes when it hit me: I had no time like this before to dedicate to our property. I also came to realize that I had been asking for this for a long time. I wanted time with the kids and be home to mend to my house. What I never imagined was that people out there would be dying. People all over the world were hurting.

I stopped watching the news around that time. I couldn’t deal with what was happening and the guilt of being safely at home with my sweethearts.

Every time I heard or saw the word “quarantine” I was triggered. I couldn’t understand or remember why until one day doing strenuous clearing of trees I understood.

In April of 1998 I adopted my first little girl from Romania. She came sick with a chaparon from the adoption agency. They said she had a cold. She was two years old and so malnourished. That first month she slept with me holding my hand. She wouldn’t let me go in fear she would be sent back to a horrific orphanage. One morning I woke and I was almost blind. I could barely get up. I felt feverish and aching all over. I called my mother who lived nearby to please take the kids to school and my little girl to daycare. When my mother took my temperature it was 105. She rushed me to the hospital. I was blacking out. Walking into the hospital I passed out and I have very little recollection of the first few days there.

I was placed on quarantine for over a week and a half. No visitors. I couldn’t see my baby girl or my two sons. They tested me for everything and couldn’t give me any medication but Tylenol because CDC couldn’t find what was wrong with me. I had doctors baffled. They assumed that my daughter carried something with her from Transylvania. I was touching heaven’s gate often almost in comatose state at times. The fever would spike and they had to wait until then to run their tests. Eventually after every test, poking, pricking, stabbing, and scans the infectious illness took its toll. I was fortunate. Almost two weeks later, on Memorial Day weekend, I walked out of the hospital with a diagnosed of “AB Mountain Fever.” But even that didn’t explain all the symptoms. Until CDC could give the okay I wasn’t able to just go. They kept a close eye on me for another six months.

THAT was quarantine. Real hellish seclusion. People coming into a room with suits on and I was unable to see and feel them clearly. So when I hear the word “quarantine” now I don’t see it as what this has been. This lockdown has been about clearing up ourselves and staying safe to help others. It has been in place to allow an infectious disease to slow down.

I was 30 years old. I was told that my heart took a beating during all the symptoms. I already had a mild heart condition. So I am super conscious of how I show up in the world at this time. I don’t believe there is anything I can’t overcome until it’s my time to truly leave this journey. But, by God, if I can do my part to stay healthy for my kiddos I will. If it means wearing a mask, staying put in my house, lifting others in love and humor, holding sacred space for me and the world….well you betcha I will do it.

I have replayed that May of 1998 so many times. I have let go of so much anger for many issues that showed up while I was laying in a hospital bed and unable to take care of matters in the world. Little did I know that April of 2020 would relive so many of the same emotions. And just like that in pulling roots out of my yard I was also pulling roots of hurt from long ago.

We have been gifted a lot at this time. And yes, a lot of grief and sorrow and atrocities. We have in our hands the ability to save ourselves and heal. The quarantine has brought about anger and rage; sadness and despair; hate and insanity. It has also allowed many to stay put and work on their own dark night of the soul. The entire world is doing it. It’s a global opportunity to raise our vibrations and work on our loving muscle to be forgiving, accept others even when they think or act differently, and acknowledge that ultimately compassion is what we need in our world.

I can’t change your mind. I won’t even try or dare. This is my journey. You have to figure out how you show up during this time. Our lives will never go back to what was before this March. But, darlings, I ask that you let go of the anger in whatever you are practicing. Let go of hatred. Let go of that need to bulldoze over everything just to make your point. That will never ever help cure anything. It only decreases the ability to allow love and compassion in our world.

I love you.

Mama Lessons

My little girl brought me a top portion of the purple irises. I said thank you but then told her to please not pull the flowers.

Her face when stoic and I saw her tears swell.

I failed. I felt it immediately.

See, to her she saw the flower and wanted her mama to hold the beauty. She knows how much I love purple. She saw me take the photos yesterday while I told her that the flower always makes me so happy.

So I kneeled to meet her eyes and I cried … along with her. I held her tightly. I apologized. I placed the flower on my ear and she smiled. I thanked her for thinking of me. I told her I appreciated that she brought the flower to me. I asked her how it looked with my grey hair and she said I looked delicious.

I then explained that my reaction was absolutely horrible. It was wrong of me to tell her not to cut the flower. She’s seen me bring flowers from the garden in the past.

And such is the fluidity of being human with so many imperfections. We came inside and I put the flower in water. I held her as we talked about the baby groundhogs and how the mama was protecting them. I told her I would always protect her as well. She was happy. For a few minutes I was broken because I hurt a little girl’s feelings. Cause you guess it… this mama is tired.

My children don’t sleep. Ever. They get a few hours and then they are up running around. My husband and I are living on fumes. In the middle of the day I am beyond cranky at times. But I will never ever again disregard a present from either of them. They are here safe today. All my children are on this planet alongside even from afar.

A friend lost her child last week. And when I saw her disappointment I immediately thought of her and how she will never get to hear from him or receive any kind of gifts.

I fail at this being human thingy a lot and lately it feels like it’s often. We are all on edge. But that iris today stopped me. Kali’s face taught me to take a moment and receive every single thing that she presents to me. It’s in those moments we recognize the human connection.

I honor her. The soul in me recognizes her soul. And that connection extends to every single one of us like a ripple in a lake moving outward. We feel it all. The hurt in me feels the hurt in others.

May you recognize when you make a mistake and take accountability. It is the only way we heal each other and ourselves.

Love. That’s all we got.