A coworker was sharing a story about someone. Another coworker said that it was “integrity for purchase.” This meaning that the person had integrity only when it was monetarily convenient to her.
I had one of those Aha Moments. Integrity for purchase isn’t just based on monetary or materialistic issues. Some folks just acquire integrity based on their needs. But, at the end of the day they are still lacking character, authenticity, principle and honor. They lack value and falsify it by acquiring what they need from others in a sneaky way.
These are narcissists, ego maniacs and highly selfish people. They can manipulate others for their needs. And those folks who are kind can often times find themselves in a horrible web of hurt and despair because of their behaviors.
It’s sickening. It’s destructive. It’s inhumane.
Integrity is a huge one for me. I observe folks by their actions and not by what they say. They can write lovely things and behave egotistically. They can look at you straight in the eyes and believe their own lies.
As I continue walking into a deepened spiritual journey I am always questioning my own integrity. I question my own egotism. And I hope I continue to question it because it keeps me in check.
I also tend to beat myself up for wrong-doings…. For cheating on my soul because I wanted something so badly and I knew (instinctively) that it wasn’t for me. This also keeps me grounded in checking my integrity. I am imperfect and do fall for those who promise what they will never give. They are amazing salesmen.
Darlings, please recognize the toxic energy associated with these types of personas. They are sick individuals who thrive on the kindness and compassion of higher frequencies. They believe they can get a great deal for what you easily project. Remember that your integrity is not for sale!
Running is my default when things get hard and heavy. I automatically go into that mode and have to talk myself out of it. It’s exhausting! And at mid-century of a timeline I am getting better at breathing through it. I am better at stepping back and not reacting immediately. I have come a long way…but the programming is still there and it takes a while to readjust my thinking.
Running away is easier. It releases me of responsibility of dealing with whatever the obstacle or challenge. Running comes with a romantic fantasy that wherever I end up won’t be where I am.
This is all bullshit but it’s still my default programming. It’s still the first thought that appears when shit hits the fan. It’s my immediate flight response. I don’t fight. I just go around the issue and truly hope I drown it in fairy dust. Usually when I step away it resolves itself, or I happen to let it go so long that the universe aligns with my desires.
So…I stay put. I breathe through the challenges. I step away from the ego chit chat and face the discomfort. I disconnect from that particular moment and define what’s important. I begin to take accountability through gratitude. And I enter my spiritual practice for however long it takes to readjust my compass. I basically put myself in Time Out!
Running might be part of my DNA but I can overcome it. My father ran from every responsibility. In his absence I’ve learned to detect, accept and reject whatever is causing me turmoil.
The worst scenario for a runner is the feeling of stagnation and feeling stuck. It’s a slow death. A shift in perception and a deep spiritual practice have been my saving grace.
What do you overcome?
How do you shift your default programming?
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?
I’m on day five of a cleanse and detox. My body is feeling the withdrawals big time. Last night the headaches were intense. I am reminded of this beautiful machine I get to inhabit and call home.
The soul can heal and so can the body. We consist of mind, body and spirit. The last few years I’ve not been kind to the body part. I’ve worked extensively on the other two. Now it’s time to align all three. But, boy oh boy, this shit isn’t for sissies!
Ugh the patience I must retrieve just to be with me during this time. I have patience for most things but little bits for me.
I am always witnessing the ego’s chit chat. I could not sit for meditation this morning because I was in discomfort. I recognize how detoxing the body affects all areas of my ability to be present. It’s hard to hear noises. It’s difficult to be a loving cheerleader when the body feels depleted. It’s hard to stay focus on any one thing.
I know in a few days and weeks I will feel like a new person. But enduring this right now is not fun. I love how this brings up crap and I am able to detox the thoughts as well.
So I return to the sacred art of mindfulness today. I am being gentle with me. In doing so I will be going into a gentle flow yoga class and see what comes up.
All the plans I had for today have been changed. And for the next twelve hours or so it’s about nurturing my soul and body in the kindest and most loving manner.
Be kind to all parts of you. Be gentle when you feel rushed. Be loving when you feel anger. Be present when you just want to flee. It’s in these moments that we return to the simplicity of our calling and purpose here. It’s in the discomfort that we find our truth.
Love to all!