Touched By An Angel

This afternoon while visiting a facility and my favorite elderly man, an angel showed up.

I was walking to the nurse’s station when an elderly woman in a wheelchair said “hello.” I touched her hand and asked, “How are you, darling?” I had never seen her before.

She answered giggling, “Not bad for an old lady!”

Squeezing her soft hand I commented, “Not bad for being alive.”

She let go and I continued my rounds. As I was heading out the long hall to the entrance, she was waiting for me. She had wheeled herself around the facility following me.

“Hey, what’s your name, beautiful?” She asked.

I knelt to eye level. “I’m Millie.” She couldn’t get it after five tries.

“Do you have another name?” She asked.

“Sparkles.”

“Yes, cause your eyes sparkle. My name is Vera.”

I kissed her cheeks. Then something unexpected happened as I stared into Vera’s eyes: Clarity… surrounded through the presence of Divine guidance.

“Do you have regrets, Sparkles?”

“I don’t believe in them. I don’t!” I

shared this with a giant smile. I said it with pride.

Immediately she continued, “Now, Sparkles, just because you don’t believe in them doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Life has a way of catching up with regrets in here. My husband placed me in this new home….” She shared a lot of intimate details. I listened for a bit. Her saga was important to hear. Her legacy needed acknowledgement. My heart needed these lessons. And just like that she stopped and stared into my eyes. She shared what happens to regrets when they fester throughout a lifetime. They catch up even if you don’t believe in them. At the end of your life there is plenty to tally. Regrets for love or lack of love; not clearing out discords; not traveling or doing things you love. She had a list.

“Are you married, young one?”

“I am.”

“Is he a good man? A loving man? Do you go to bed appreciating the simple things?” She asked other deep rooted questions that required some processing.

I answered with yeses and loving thoughts. I answered in all honesty and to the best of my ability. She was glad to hear that I was loved and appreciated.

This last week I encountered deep-seated emotions based on love and acceptance of the past. Every single question she asked was like a therapist investigating the core beliefs and old programming. Vera was an instant source of confirmation, consciously providing an inkling of guidance. It was perfect timing in the most unexpected of ways.

“Vera, thank you. Thank you for your presence in my life today!” I kissed and hugged her tightly.

“I’m watching you, dear child. I’m keeping a close eye on you….”

I walked to my car holding it professional together but once in my little Kia Soul I lost my emotions.

In ten minutes, or so, the angel dug deep with many questions. Questions I ponder about life and love. As if she truly had been watching me forever, she answered with simple Divine guidance.

I don’t know if Vera actually resides there. It will be interesting to visit with her again. If she is indeed a patient or an angel in disguise.

Be open and willing to entertain the messengers. They come in all shapes, colors, sizes and ages. And when they show up be willing to open your heart completely and allow for the healing to take place.

Ocean of Gratitude

 

ocean            As I write this I sit comfortably in a beach house in Ocracoke Island, North Carolina, overlooking the grasslands of the Atlantic Ocean, dunes in the distance, listening to birds and critters re-entering spring.  The only “white stuff” on the ground is sand.  I arrived this afternoon needing a few days away from my world.  Five days go in the middle of the night I dreamt with a guide or angel who told me to ask for help.  The entity was very persistent. I was told (not a suggestion) to reach out to friends and ask for a place where I could go to recharge near the water.  As spirit fighting with ego, the stubborn wicked ways of showing vulnerability, I refused the demands in the dream.  I woke to nausea and vomit.  Once I returned to bed I said out loud, “Okay, okay, I will reach out in the morning but please give me the words.”

 

When sleep arrived I fell hard into peace.  Morning brought with it the perfect words reaching out to friends in exchange/bartering for our place in the mountains.  In complete gratitude and shock I received several offers.  A friend reached out and offered her brother’s beach house in the outer banks.  I didn’t know what and how to receive this gift.  The giver in me has a difficult time accepting help.  Funny how I am always telling others that in order to be fully blessed you must receive as well as you give.  Putting this to practice is not easy.

 

There are times that certain words make a point of entering our lives with such force that we begin to see that word everywhere. We begin to take notice of it like a new pair of shoes that you thought were unique and now everyone has them. In the past few weeks the word, “vulnerability” keeps showing its letters in neon lights. It isn’t easy being vulnerable to others, and allowing the truth of what feels like weakness expose itself without a shield. Vulnerability isn’t frailty as we have been taught. It is bravery, kind, beautiful and truthful. It doesn’t need protection. It requires honoring, exposure, and acceptance of who you are and where you are going. Taking that risk is true Divinity. The more we allow others to see who we are the easier it is for us to grow and evolve into our authenticity.

 

Being near the water, listening to the waves swiftly shift through the edges of the world, as sand molds to my feet, my heart lightens its load.  I don’t know how much more there is to give that I haven’t given myself.  I do know that this business of being human is hardcore.  It requires presence, forgiveness, understanding, patience, compassion and a lot of self love.  As I pick up the remnants of rocks and shells I gather the awareness that we are just like these pieces of decay on the shore.  There is such wear and tear, molding, sanding, release and endurance while fighting the tides, storms and chaos of external forces.  For me it is always difficult to accept help and show my fragility.  I do well with others.   Honoring my nakedness and helplessness is something that has become very real to me lately.  I know it is okay.  I know I am not alone in this.  Months ago I wouldn’t have even thought of asking.  Now, because I showed my humility, the core of my necessity, I sit breathing fresh ocean air.  Tears roll in gratitude for the next few days of sheltering near the ocean.  I am changed because of such kindness. shells

 

I have been taught a powerful lesson in exposure.  What I thought was dependency is freedom.  What I thought was frailty is actually strength.  It takes courage to ask, but it takes an adventurous spirit to move through the rawness of it all and accept.  I am forever grateful for the kindness, love and support I receive.  Having been the one to always give this is a lesson in the balance of it all.  Learning to accept and know that I am worth this is beyond anything I could have known.  I once had a mentor that said to me when I had a hard time receiving a compliment, “When someone gives you a flower, what do you say? You say ‘thank you’ and take it. You don’t reject it.  It’s rude!”  And so, I say, “thank you” to the Divine for all those who have given me this little flower of peace, love and hope.