Waiting for the Bus

It was one of those nights that thoughts kept me up. They cycled throughout my body like a tornado. When I finally slept it felt as if I was unplugged from the rubbish. This morning I am exhausted.

There is nothing I can do in those moments of excessive anxiety. All I can do is try and quiet my mind. I cannot meditate. I can, however, breathe and concentrate on each inhale and exhale. The moment I stop forcing the sleep, it arrives. The instant I let go, I flow.

We’ve all experienced these nights that seem to turn into morning without rest. I tried to pinpoint what I was anxious about.  I am not. I am anticipating something and it is quite different. I am feeling as if something is right around the corner.

I shared a few weeks ago with a client who was experiencing similar issues. She said she was stricken by paralyzing anxiety. I paused for a bit. Then I told her, “You are waiting for a bus to arrive. You are seated in a secluded bus stop. You don’t know the bus number or where you are going, but you know that you are there to get on some bus.” Her eyes opened widely and she agreed.

These times are for trusting what we don’t see coming. We must have faith in the unseen and unknown. There is so much happening around the world. The collective is shifting and a lot of what empaths are feeling is the residue of all that energy.

So, I am waiting patiently without analyzing the next moments. I am seated with so many others waiting for our bus to arrive. I trust it will be to a gorgeous, peaceful, magical place. You are not alone feeling your feels. You aren’t isolated from the rest of us during these moments. It’s a massive ascension of consciousness. It feels foreign and weird… and uncomfortable at times. We are meant to grow and evolve because it is way past due!

Let’s trust together. One of my favorite quotes my Martin Luther King, Jr. is “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Or the bus coming to get you.

I love you,


For more blogs and information please visit my other page: sacredjourneyinward.com

Waking Up to Truth

Live with full abandonment…

Somehow we get so focused on the end. We forget that every second is a new beginning. We try to control our lives and others fearing the moment we are to die. I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of not living fully. I am frightened of not sucking the joy out of this journey because of a bad day or situation. I am terribly mortified by the thought of taking another day for granted because of obstacles. I want to live. I want to live like I haven’t wanted to live before. I want to meet like-minded people with laughter and intelligence. I want to hear their stories. I crave to touch and love and dive into their journey. I want to enjoy this incarnation with truth and purpose.

We connect this way. So…NO…I am not afraid of physical death. I am, however, consciously aware that I forget to live every second to the fullest. I forget to breathe and let go at times. I allow my humanness to take over and I get angry for a moment. This passes. And, when it does I recall the yumminess of breathing and traveling this life while my soul is giving my humanness a giant high five. What a gift! What a magnificent ride!

We entertain anxiety because of fear. We fear because of not being able to control. We control because we have been taught that we have a say. We have a say because we are programmed to believe that the ego can actually fix things. In the end it’s all a lie. We can’t control anything. The illusion of life is based on internal experiences of the outer world. Our perceptions guide us and in moments make us very ill. We have no say or control except on how we choose to live our realities. All we can do is travel with our heads up, love, laugh and truly learn to live. We are not merely existing. We are surviving all that is thrown our way and we should be spiritually evolving because of everything that we experience on the path of life.

Do yourself a favor and stop the insanity of control. Stop putting off living for when you retire, or have money, or whatever. Use the fancy dishes. Wear the clothes you want. Use your smiles and your hands to touch others. Buy memories instead of things…and for heaven’s sake, love fully with complete abandonment Especially for yourself. ~m.a.p.

A Debt

Paying an Invisible Debt

Mark Twain said, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” I am constantly reminded that worrying solves nothing. It’s in moments that I let go that the magic begins to appear. Worrying is like filling an imaginary bucket with fears. The false impression of controlling an event is what gets us stirred up in the first place.

Everything does happen in divine order.

Each person moves at a different spectrum especially when we are being tested with huge obstacles, events, and challenges. Life does not happen to us. Life happens through us. When we let go of those stressful strains that fill our spaces, trying to fill the empty bucket with anxiety, we let go of the struggles. Ah!…we breathe.

There is a battle always going on inside of us: ego vs. spirit. We are such complex beings, because we are created in the image of divinity, but we fight against it. The ego loves to create the lie of separation.

It is said that time heals all wounds. This is only if, and when, we are ready to release what has hurt us. I’ve known people whose wounds are older than me and are still living in the memory of the event and trauma. Surrendering, letting go, releasing…these are all beautiful words of wisdom. They sound simple. It’s like telling a person who lives on adrenaline to stop and relax. How? How can one start to let go? How do we release the illusion of fear? Not everything that needs to be learned is pretty or tied up perfectly with a pink ribbon. Some things are monstrous, shameful and horrendous in nature, but it is those things that require release the most. Piggy backing secrets of shame is a sure way of stomping growth and the flow of life. And because we are creatures of habit and patterns the fears of past events overcast the future. The distress of unknown factors create a mountain out of flat land.

I am constantly reminded that what keeps me from achieving anything is me. What allows me to grow is me. What allows me to release is me. What releases the drama is me. And, at times what creates the same drama is me. I am getting better at releasing and surrendering. I don’t recognize the woman I was just a year ago, or even five months ago. I am peeling the onion layers at a time, but instead of getting smellier as I get to the core, I am getting sweeter. It isn’t easier to face those things that have no answers at this moment. It can be scary. It can be daunting. But, I do realize the need to abandon all control to God. His master plan is flawless, even when I don’t like it. Life is orchestrated to be lived through layers of complexity and simplicity; dark and light, yes and no. The duality of everything makes us, breaks us, and re-creates us.

Darling, what are you willing to surrender in order to start living an authentic life? Leave the comfort zone and venture out into the world of magic. We all have to be honest and determine what’s important. If your past is killing you then stop looking at the rear view mirror, you don’t live there anymore. Sharing and letting go frees the skeletons in the closet and allows you to finally bury them in the ground. Forgive. Forgive you and her and him and them. You are only responsible for your life and your choices! Stop trying to pay debts that aren’t due or owed or even in the near future. If you must, live one-second-at-a-time because during some circumstances living one-day-at-a-time seems like too much. And that’s all we can do to surf the wave of uncertainty.

You got this, darling! You have it all in your superhero-freaking-awesomest soul! Go shine as you are made to do! ~m.a.p.

Trusting the Process

Fear paralyzes us. It holds us captive and imprisons everything we know to be true. I read somewhere that without fear there is no courage. But when you are stricken by panic and despair it’s really difficult to see bravery.

The woman I am today has no clue how I lived in fear for so long. I just don’t know why I didn’t move forward and abandoned all the things that kept me hostage. I didn’t know better. I didn’t know how. I felt the aches and pains of loneliness and responsibilities. Shame and guilt lived simultaneously drowning me. I couldn’t breathe. And one day softly within I heard the words, “Fear not! Fear is Forgiving Everything, Acknowledging Release.”

I am who I am because of each story inside of me. Each single event led me here. I have courage, tenacity, perseverance, and a forgiving heart. Just like that I have learned to release. And, just like that I will continue to move forward.

Freedom is on the other side of thoughts. You cannot live in fear and truly trust. Fear is doubting the process. It has no trust. I have learned to shift my perception and thoughts. All the time. Every day. Some days it requires all of me to be present with deep breaths and trust the path.

May you always find the spark of courage that turns your darkness into sunlight. You are never alone in your struggles even when your Ego tells you otherwise. I believe the Divine speaks to us through sweet whispers if we are willing to listen with an open heart. Forgive and release all! It’s never worth the weight of carrying around on your shoulders something that serves of no purpose but to belittle you even more. Every single experience has brought you here to evolve. Trust and let go.

Let’s Tackle Fear

It’s easy to move into fear when things begin to crumble. It’s not just the crumbling of thoughts but the unknowns: finances, health issues, losses, and so much more. Fear is false evidence appearing real.

I cannot live in fear. I don’t even entertain it.

I hear the messages from divinity during meditation and contemplation. I am to remain calm and keep faith even when my humanness feels anxiety. My own Yoda whispers in my subconscious. (My Yoda/spirit guide is a badass sarcastic know-it-all who has been with me since I came into this incarnation. And I completely trust him).

I continue to flow and let go even when things around me seem to stop flowing. Perspective is the magic wand to shifting how we view life. These are faithful moments. The universe will always utilize whatever circumstance there is to expand and force us to grow. Hard times strengthen our skills. We are made anew sailing safely through the rough and rocky waters.

Spirituality and this human thingy is a marriage of existence. My job is not to be sucked into the drama of this illusion called life that we think we can control. We’ve been programmed to suck it up, deal with it all in panic mode that creates even deeper inconsistencies and problems. The reality is that we are co-creators. We get to decide how the stories start and end from a higher consciousness.

There are constant beautiful reminders of how I can alter and restart certain areas of my life every time issues comes up. I step back and usually dive into the unknown in meditation. I travel to the alternate possibilities. And then I am again reminded to just let go. That’s it!

We accept what comes our way even when it’s dark. But, we always have choices. We can stay in light or move into darkness when things become difficult.

It is during those times I remind myself that my light cannot diminish. My light will always glow through all that’s ahead.

Yesterday I watched a documentary about consciousness and the narrator said the “You are the U in universe!” You can’t get any better than that.

May you always find the light in you leading the way through whatever darkness appears before you. Every lesson forces us to get stronger. Every obstacle is an opportunity to be kinder with others and yourself.

Remember that this is all an illusion. Reach out to others for help. Vulnerability is strength. It’s courageous. And so are you.

I love you!

The Return


photo (3)

Something woke


after a long sleep of doubts,

anger, hurt and questions

that buried me

inside an open tomb,

leaving the exposure to heal

with the openness of One.

I had forgotten my power,

the thoughts that co-create

with the universal aid of intentions;

those same delicious frequencies

that magically take me here and there.

I had forgotten

waking up with such joy

that I skip out of my room

while bones crack and stretch

reminding me to slow down.

I don’t care.

This is the meaning of living.

This is the ebb of sorrow and joy

taking it all and pasting it back together

without giving up.

It’s easier to give in,

give out, give up, and forget.

No more!

I have been sleeping in such darkness

for too long and allowing no one

to turn on the light.

I needed to feel the switch,

pass my hands through its coldness,

in the rawness of despair,

so I could turn it on…so I could do it alone.

Clarity arrives with rest and prayer.

Awareness returns with faith.

I hear the ringing of truth in one ear.

I see the element of surprise ahead.

I taste the juices of excitement.

I smell the sweetness of success…

for all that I have put out into the openness.

I’ve returned.

I am home in me again.

It’s been a long time…too long.

The heart echos softly, “Welcome back!”

Compassion for All


Two days ago I was at a store searching for an electric blanket. I went through all the bedding aisles when a sweet employee walked past me:

“Ma’am, I am sorry to bother you but I am looking for an electric blanket.”

She immediately said, “Oh, honey, you aren’t bothering me.”

As she was about to share information on the blanket I held her arm and asked, “Are you okay?”

Confused she asked, “Why do you ask that?”

“You look like something is weighing on you.” I saw the discomfort and tears started to swell in her dark eyes. So I continued, “I’ve looked everywhere.” She informed me that a huge shipment had just arrived but she didn’t know if those blankets were in it.

I thanked her. I grabbed both of her hands, this total lovely stranger, looked into her eyes and said, “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. You aren’t alone in this. I am here with you.”

There, in an aisle full of pretty ruffles, sheets and other linens stood a gorgeous black woman and a Hispanic one holding onto uncertainties without really knowing what that was. For a second we were connected by our hearts and the silence that held us in spirit.

She wiped her tears. I wiped mine. We wished each other a wonderful afternoon. This is what makes us human.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I ached all over my spirit. It doesn’t matter who has become president of this great nation. It’s finally over and we can resume our lives. This election has taken a toll on so many of us. It was driven on fear and anxiety, lies, and lots of ugly disgusting energies. It has caused a tremendous rift in relationships and our humanness. It has shown the world out there that we are lost and truly broken. I have heard comments from other countries and it saddens me because I still believe in the hope of uniting every part of what this nation was built on: trust and fulfilling the American dream.

I am here to tell you that no matter who is in the White House, I will forever fight for compassion, love, and kindness. I will continue to pray and light the way for whatever causes humanity requires. I don’t care if you are white, black, red, orange, or brown. I don’t care if you are transgender, gay or straight. I don’t care if you are Christian, Muslin, Jew, or an Atheist. It matters zero to me who you are because I will continue to show up, ask you if you are okay, and disarm your pain whenever I can. We have been desiring change. This win has been powerful in the sense that something has to happen to us soon. We need to return to basics. We have been gearing up for a tremendous amount of battle ahead. This is our opportunity as healers, lightworkers, warriors, therapists, and social conscious fighters to show the world that we unite in spite of anything in our way. We will need it now more than ever. Our nation will now begin to heal as long as we can stop this insanity of who was the better candidate. This person has four years. I have to believe, in the core of my spirit, that magic will appear through all of this.

I believe that a massive shift in consciousness has appeared and will continue to evolve. It’s up to us to stop feeding what doesn’t serve us. We are this country’s heart and soul, not the President. He will do his job. But, we are still the voices of what happens. And, these voices have spoken loud and clear. We need unity and the elimination of fear, injustice, discrimination, and all the intolerance that this election has created. People are walking around fearful of the unknown. Let’s replace this through compassion and understanding.

Let’s return to love and kindness. I want to believe that this is just the beginning of greatness. Let’s stop the division. Let’s stop the fear and anxiety of what we don’t know. We are all here on this little planet fighting to stay here as long as possible. Let us make it loving and full of joy.

I love you. I am here. You are a not alone. Have a blessed day!

I Don’t Have to Know You to Really Feel For You


I don’t know you, personally. I don’t have to in order to feel your pain when you feel lost. I don’t have to know your story to understand that you feel broken and shattered. You feel alone and depleted. I recognize the fake smile, the “I’m fine” comment, and the gestures that arrive when you are hiding something because of guilt or shame. It’s universal. It is not just English. It’s Spanish, French, Arabic, Italian, and every other form of dialect in the world. The echoes in your soul are transparently opened to another who is feeling the same way. I know you. I might not be able to touch you, but I know when I see someone holding on to the edge of a rope next to the end of their life…begging to be saved. I know that look, that blank stare of frustration, that only someone who has been there recognizes. There is little hope, and I know that too. You aren’t the only soul to have a bad week, a horrible month, and a frustrating year. This is all crappy sometimes. It’s not an easy job to be in this human race.

I’m here to remind you that you are playing a game that’s created by your own programming. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You are the creator of those challenges in a subconscious level that requires some amazing awareness. Your sense of loss is very real but you get to decide if you stay holding on to the rope, let go into faith, and soar above everything else without certainty. It’s simply that easy. And, yes, faith can’t be seen, and at times, it can’t even feel real. It is a matter of trusting something other than yourself. It’s feeling the awesomeness of the universe holding you up…it’s waiting to catch you once you let go.

I don’t have to know what you feel. I don’t even need to be in your presence to understand that you require a shift in perception. You require a change of scenery. You need to abandon this moment of chaos and give yourself a break. Just do it!

Go for a walk. Go stand under a tree. Go talk to the clouds, to a friend, to your dog, or to anyone. Go chase a sunset and welcome a sunrise. You got to distance yourself from the drama of what seems to engulf this sadness. Cause, darling, there is always a way out without thinking of checking out. There is always a person who can adjust your sails and send you back on course. Reach out! You are not alone with this devastation of loss and hopelessness. I promise you that!!!

You are love. You are divinity dressed in this freaking magnificent human form. You can create anything you want…but first you must believe in YOU. Believe in every cell that consists of your physical body, every emotion that has created your spirit, and every aspect that has brought you right here, right now. Go be the most amazing form of you the world is yet to witness….! You’ve seen some spectacular things in your life (some not so great). We’ve all have…but keep going cause the best days are still ahead for you!

Gifts of Love


I have been an avid student of all my children. Each one has taught me something I didn’t know I had in me, imagined I could do, would want to do, and so much more. My middle daughter’s mental challenges changed me. Her bipolar disorder also enriched my perceptions. I have been turned upside down, right-side up, yet enlightened in ways I can never express. Living with mental illness is a day to day wave and all you can do is surf it without restraints or expectations. When she arrived into my life at the age of 9 from Romania, I knew my life would never be the same. I have witnessed tenacity, perseverance, disorder, disarrangement, and complexity in myself. Our mirrors have reflected personal issues that I wouldn’t have addressed at other times in my life. I have been pushed to learn things of the human spirit I didn’t even know existed. She has taught me the meaning of unconditional love, surrendering, acceptance, forgiveness, grace and patience. I am not a patient person and she has been the button-pusher of constant reminding how much I can tolerate. I am always shocked by how much I can endure and where the lines are drawn.

My daughter, in her struggle for understanding while living with severe anger and mental disorders, has gifted me with the most precious experience of all. She has given me a child, my granddaughter, to raise again as a child of my own. I hope this seventh child will make the rest of this journey magical. This little girl has reshaped my reality. She has allowed me to throw all plans out the door. My daughter is very present inside of this little girl and I marvel at the preciousness of another generation teaching me more about life and myself. I am aware at this love that I wasn’t expecting in this time in middle years.

The mind is our most priceless commodity. It creates, modifies, regenerates, releases, and forces us to see past the boundaries of time and space. My daughter has taught me to love fiercely in a way that I didn’t know was available. She is not capable of understanding many of the issues that created the loss of permanency for raising her daughter. Her dissociative identity disorder does not permit her mind to see normalcy and stability. She will forever be stuck at 13 years of age. The older she gets the more noticeable it becomes. But, she’s taught me to see the exceptions to all the rules.

Recently while I held this two year old in my lap I told her what I say every day, “I love you, sweetheart.” She immediately responded as a matter of fact, “I know.”

My husband and I laughed out loud and she returned the giggles in exaggerated form. She has brought tremendous light into our home. I am grateful for this journey. I never imagined it in a million years. There are days I don’t think I will survive another childhood but then love is seen through the eyes of a sweet baby girl and I know that God is staring right at me. Who else is gonna join me to dance with tutus and tiaras? Who else will sit and listen to fairy tales and stories of unicorns and wizards? This journey is a pure gift of love!

Make Fear an Inspiration


Time has a way of defining moments

and in the voice of fear

hear the words for

change and imagination.

In the sight of fear

make the world

a playground for your desires.

In the presence of fear

make it an inspiration

to create a new opportunity

that will mark a path

to a new life.

Don’t be paralyze by the unknown

but allow it to take your hand,

be your pull,

and fly with wings that angels

have provided

so you can soar above

every obstacle ahead.

Fear is false belief

of what you cannot control,

but with God on your side

there is no evidence of madness.

Discovering your strength

comes only in the obstacles of fear…

make it your inspiration

not your isolation.