Endless Love

This afternoon I was out seeing clients. Whenever I am in this particular facility I like to visit a sweet lady with Dementia who also has her husband there in the same room. That’s a rare circumstance. She is the kindest soul. His health is declining fast but his mind is all there. I walked in to visit them and she immediately asked who I was. I told her my name. I sat on her bed, she moved up, he sat in his wheelchair next to her. She asked me where I was from. I could feel the confusion (as she should have because she’s really not my client. I am just some woman who collects love stories).
Me: “I am the welcoming committee. I go from room to room hugging and saying hello’s. Every so often I throw some glitter in the air and grant wishes.”

She giggled, mouth and eyes wide opened, and said, “That’s a fine job you have, but I have no wishes that need granting.”

Me: “There are always wishes that need granting.” He smirked, she laughed and asked again what I did for a living. I again said I was just passing through collecting heartfelt stories. I told her I loved to visit and be in the presence of such greatness. 
So there I was stirring up love stories with these delicious souls who have a history deeper than words. You can feel their love and admiration the moment you walk into their room. See, I might not be aware of much but when I see true love I know it. I recognize it. It’s hard to ignore. There is radiance in their eyes, and also a familiarity of comfort. There is mutual respect which is so rare at this time in history.
The nurse came in and asked if they were going to the dining room? She didn’t hear her so I asked her if her hubby was going to take her to dinner? She perked up, got her outfit ironed out with her hand and asked him in the most darling of voices, “Will you be taking me to dinner, my love?”
He said, “Yes, if that’s what you would like?” I felt a tug of emotions stirring from their union. I witnessed that even with memory loss, and health issues, this type of love transcends. She told me they’ve been married 15 years and he corrected her. They have been married for 13. She smiled and told him it felt longer because every moment with him was always wonderful. She said to me that he’s always been a gentleman and has taken care of her. He smiled through the discomfort of pain.
I helped them get ready and then headed to see my client. As I was getting my purse from the chair she asked if I would visit again. I assured her I would. I told her I would bring some sparkles and glitter to grant wishes. Her light eyes looked straight into me and she said, “I have all the wishes I need. I have my husband here with me.”
Those fortunate enough to share a love so beautiful are filled with enchantment. They get it, even without knowing where they are, who they are, and what happens in that day. They feel the emotions deep within their hearts. I walked out shielding tears of joy. I am blessed to witness such exquisite humanness and compassion. I truly live through bliss when I am in proximity of such embodiment of love.
May you be blessed with this kind of love that forgives and shelters the heart forever. If you are lucky you can find it even in the later years of your life, like these two did, and still remember to feel blessed by each other’s presence. It’s priceless! And it is the yumminess that make true love stories admirable.

A New Dawn

dawn

Finally having settled into a new home, I feel the nudges of dreams rattling me up with excitement. It’s been months since I could figure out what I am to do with this new chapter of my life. Closing down the retreat center was also shutting down many aspirations until a few days ago when I realized that the experience catapult me into the place I am now: a new dawn of mysticism.

I understand what it is to put up a front. I also understand what it feels like to know there’s something more to the present circumstances when life seems to be dragging you down. I am very good at hiding hurt for a long time. I shove disappointments into some chamber in my heart. I allow for things to settle and then…I open the chamber and sit with those emotions until I am spent. This is where decisions of truth come out and dictate what is best for me. Until I am ready to clean out and make peace I choose not to make major decisions. One bad day does not constitute a bad life. One bad year does not create a bad future. It is through vulnerability and nakedness that power is born. We have no choice but to go up and about while releasing those things through self-forgiveness. You cannot blame another for the choices you make. I participate in every action and reaction of my life. This period of time with uncertainty has finally concluded. I feel change knocking at the door and it feels good. I have forgotten to just breathe and let go. I have been holding my breath for so long that my insides feel stale at times. And, that’s the thing, somehow we forget to surrender. We forget that this moment will pass and that it’s all an illusion. Emotions are tangible equations that can hurt or enhance. It’s all in how you use them.

When we are in a depression, embraced by anger and disappointments, we forget to just let go completely. It’s easier to hold on to what you know. Familiarity seems comfortable but it isn’t. Often times we don’t allow ourselves the break of just being. Things will work out. They always do, with or without our acknowledgment. We all struggle through these economic times, personal losses, and the hardships of parenthood and adulthood. Many of us have to be stripped of everything materialistic in order to allow the ego to shut up. It is during drastic changes that souls rise to the occasion. We get an opportunity to witness strength and faith in character. We get to live by integrity while pulling on our truth to lead the way. We become vulnerable and available to Spirit for guidance. I have had several moments in the past eighteen months when I have doubted my own professional and personal path. “What am I doing here? What am I suppose to be doing? How can I contribute to my life? How can I live a purpose-passionate-driven life doing what I enjoy so much?” I have nothing but a million words…oh, the questions and answers move around in an infinite vortex. Then, through a shift in perception or move of location…the magic begins to happen. The veil lifts and I see all that is there for the taking. Nothing has changed except my attitude. Freedom is not a physical entity that appears like trying to exit a prison cell. Freedom is the acceptance of all that is happening and still choosing to move through with grace. It is about realizing that your perception created the prison cell. There are no bars but those you put around you to stop you from leaving the comfort zone.

This morning as I write from my desk while looking out to the beautiful creek, I feel gratitude. Change is never easy. Change requires trust. I am watching the icy grounds, the sun melting the droplets from the trees, and enjoying the quietness of a winter mountain morning. I am able to feel distance and closure without the ache that follows some days. I also know not to control or shut down those emotions when they rise. I have no plans at this very moment. I am cutting myself slack for the constant need to do something productive. I don’t have to know the answers to my life this very minute. I don’t have to know what will happen tomorrow. It’s in this nakedness of nothing and acceptance that I can enjoy today. It feels like it’s been forever since I have had a moment like this.

For the first time in months I am sleeping peacefully. I am falling asleep and staying in dreamland throughout the night. This new dawn brings with it freedom. It brings an awareness of allowance and manifesting. It holds nothing back. I am forever grateful for every single lesson that the retreat center brought to me. Every single person was a gift. Every moment of joy and sadness has been an instruction in the evolution of my character. The growth has been incredible. I am forever grateful for a dear friend who taught me so many powerful lessons. I am forever touched by the changes and the newness that pushed me right here, right now, and continue to show me the path. Even through the unlikely events that brought me here it’s been an honor to have lived 5-1/2 years in a sanctuary of mystical enhancements. I would not change a single moment of it’s humble teachings.  My humility and humanness have been affected for life. The heart has opened up in miraculous ways while showing me authentic self.

Give yourself permission to not have all the answers. Give yourself the time to just be. Make time to meditate and reach the level of passion for the life you want. You have been placed on this earth for greatness…no matter what you do make it great. You are not here just to pay bills and die. You are here to glitter and shine while enriching your soul with love…and then transcending that joy unto another.

Rain

sun reclaiming skyI love days like this

when to look out the bedroom window

becomes a gift in witnessing

the dance and symphony

between life and nature

over the pond into the distance

of other lives, mountains, and emptiness.

I sit in awed and marvel

between this moment and the next

curled up on my bed.

This overcast is a reminder

to go within quietness —

the vast stillness —

as it engulfs me in one second.

I am in love.

I am in complete surrender

of cool wetness

and so very grateful that I can be here

to travel the journey between

God and the earth

all while closing my eyes

and whispering a single prayer.

Awards & Nominations

From time to time I get nominated for some sweet blog awards that require me to answer a few questions about myself and then nominate a list of other blogs that inspire me.  I am constantly being inspired by a daily list of bloggers (too many to list).  These awards feel more like obligation rather than an award.  I have to admit I am horrible about following directions and adding or doing anything that requires more than a two process action.  Literally I go on a meltdown.  It overwhelms me.  I thank you all for your constant support.  It is shocking to me that anyone would stop by, read my blog, and then add me to an award and/or nomination.  I am always flattered and touched.  Usually, I am so touched that I get a little weepy.  The biggest award anyone can give me is your time to stop by and read the things I write.  So please without feeling rejected or thinking I am self-absorbed I will no longer be accepting blogging awards.   Your presence on my page, feedback, thoughts and sweet comments are more than enough I could ask for!!!!!

Here are 30 little facts about me:

1.  I am an extremely sarcastic person.  This is not a trait I brag about.  The words that sometimes come out of my mouth seem to be pushed out by an unknown force.  Luckily most of my friends and family are very sarcastic as well.   The older I get the less filtering I seem to have.

2.  I am a huge Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fan, so much so that I have a figurine in my car of Michelangelo who is my favorite.  Consequently I can watch the movies over and over and zone out.

3.  I hate talking on the phone.  Actually I loathe it more than anything.  I have zero phone etiquette.  If it wasn’t for the fact that I have to have a phone for my business I would actually not have a phone at all.

4.  My favorite color is green.  My least favorite is yellow.

5.  I love hiking and being in nature.  I am grateful to be living in the most beautiful mountain range.

6.  My kids raised me into motherhood.   I don’t know who I would be without them.  They have been my best teachers in life.

7.  I have an amazing circle of friends and family.   I love to entertain at home.  I enjoy watching people truly relax and interact with each other.

8.  My favorite time of the day is morning time.  I love the quietness and stillness of entering into a new day and being totally grateful for the extra chance to do things right…one more time.

9.  I am very impatient with myself.  I have lots of patience with others but when it comes to me, patience is non-existence.

10.  I am Puerto Rican but speak Spanish like a Cuban.  Years of being with a Cuban man left the gift of that accent.   Consequently, most people think I am from New York even though I’ve only visited NYC twice.

11.  I love sunflowers, blue skies, warm weather, and endearing words.  “Sweetie, darling, honey, or baby” start most of my sentences when having a friendly conversation.

12.  I try to laugh as much as possible.  I am goofy and rarely take myself seriously.  Overall, I am a happy person.   Laughter is one of my favorite sounds.

13.  I have no tolerance for intolerance, prejudice, gossip, ignorance, bigotry and stupidity.

14.  I love high heel shoes.  Since I moved to the country I rarely wear them but when I go back to visit family in the city I indulge in my heels.

15.  I try to meditate every morning for at least 20 minutes.

16.  I write every day.  I have thousands of poems, too many journals, and most of them are truly depressing from my past.

17.  I cry easily….in happy moments and in sad ones.  It doesn’t take much to get me weepy.

18.  I love books, coffee, teas, warm socks and a perfect quote, not necessarily in that order.

19.   I avoid confrontations as much as possible.  Also avoid anything to do with heated discussions such as political views and religions.

20.  I love entertainment magazines or news.  Could care less about world events but start talking about movie stars and my interest is peeked.  It’s a sickness and I should get help for it.

21.  I am an avid reader sometimes read several books a week.

22.  I don’t follow directions.  Whether it is for an address, building something, or recipes I cannot stay focus long enough.

23.  I believe we are here on earth to learn and experience as much as possible from each other.  Everything that happens has a purpose.  You must take the good with the bad and absorb it.  Thank God for the journey!  I also believe in the power of intention, the law of attraction, and the law of allowance.

24.  I am a giver and have a really hard time receiving anything…even compliments.

25.  I love rocks…especially heart-shaped ones.  I look for love everywhere.  Call me a hopeless romantic.

26.  I think in absolutes, yeses, and definite.  I jump into things spontaneously without thinking of consequences.

27.  I am a huge hugger and touchy feely type of person.   I also will talk to just about anyone or anything for that matter.    One of my favorite things is to listen to others tell stories about themselves.

28. I am morbidly afraid of lizards…the only thing I fear.

29.  I love traveling, meeting new cultures, and experiencing the world in a way that I can connect the lines back to me.

30.  I love reading all of your blogs.

Now you know some useless information about me.  I hope this makes up for all the award nominations.   Thank you for your constant support with my site.  This blogging experience has enriched my life because I am being inspired by so many amazing writers every day.  I have become attached to some of you like if I’ve known you all of my life…Much love and light always…Millie

The Collective of Oneness

Today I needed a day to get centered, out of my head, without anyone or technology.  I took my time getting up after a wonderful night of continuous sleep. I thought about staying in my P.J.’s and just taking it easy but I opted to put on a sundress, sandals and head outside into a gorgeous mountain day.  It was going to be a slow day in our retreat center.  I have to take advantage of these days.  I drove to Barnes and Noble, drank a wonderful coffee and spent more than two hours going through books and magazines.   Nearby an elderly couple sat sharing ideas for a new garden with each other.  They discussed their holiday plans with their children, grandchildren, and extended family.  They spoke of doctor appointments.  Every once in a while she would touch his hand ever so gently as he browsed through magazines.  She took out her little pill box and gave him medication.  All the meanwhile I sat wondering about the amount of time these two people have spent together in this lifetime.  How many moments of joy, intimacy, laughter, sadness, remorse, anger, love, forgiveness, loss, and other scope of emotions that can either break or mend a relationship.   They were so lovely.   At one given moment she got up to get another book and he helped her.  Then he waited for her return to help slide her chair.  These are the stories that grab me, take me into a place of serenity, and give me hope for our humanness.  I hope those moments are not wasted in past generations.  Chivalry, politeness and generosity seem like a lot to ask in these times.

 

There’s something so tender about watching a couple who has been with each other for decades.  You can always tell which ones have a mutual respect and which ones can’t wait for the other to just hurry up and drop dead.  When I witness such sincere appreciation it makes my heart melt.   True human spirit shines when no one is present.  These two fragile souls seem to have a connection that beamed from each other…a collective of oneness.

 

Evidently, what I thought would be a day of not writing at all turned into pages in my journal, which I had placed in my purse (cause you never know when the muse might visit). It had been a while since I had a day of no interaction with another. Usually once a month I try to give myself this treat, but it has been several months since I indulged in a day of solitude.  Funny thing was that I wasn’t alone.  I was more involved in the couple’s story than they could ever imagine.  It’s a bit embarrassing to think I was that absorbed in their stories.  But, shhhhh, they don’t need to know!

 

Listening to their random tones, sweet words, and concerns, made me think of how it must be to be with someone that long.  How does it feel to know someone’s secrets, pains, fears, weaknesses and all their attributions, successes, virtues that no one ever sees?   Couples who truly love each other after fifty years begin to look alike.  They finish each others’ sentences.  They know that silence speaks volumes. There is a connection that goes beyond anything else in our humanity.  There is a knowing that breaks all barriers of time and space.  I guess it doesn’t matter if it’s a year or 60.  Mutual respect, similar beliefs, love and depth are the foundation blocks to any relationship.
Between one thing and another, checking out new bathroom ideas through all the home/garden magazines, mentally tearing down walls in my kitchen, creating a new deck with a bunch of pictures, going through travel books, and checking out recipes I began to feel gratitude for their presence near me.  They reminded me of something I’ve been missing in me.

 

The following poem wrote itself:

Tell me something I don’t know
like the scars left in your soul.
Share the silliness of a fool
so I can join in your laughter.
Reach to the depth of dreams
and tell me what scares you
never leaving a single detail
of the truth you hide inside.
I’m not going anywhere.
I have a lifetime of compliance,

patience,

and love.

Disclose to me what is comfort,
compassionate,
discomfort,
intolerable…
I need to dive in your ocean
providing a safety net to grab
when you feel the turmoil
of the rip tides pulling you down.

Divulge the climates, terrain,
and landscapes that have brought
you to this place now.

Tell me something of importance
and then the irrelevance of today,
the past
and finally the vision of a tomorrow

without really planning any absolute.

 

Express those things that make

you confused,

laugh,

feel bewilderment

in the presence of others,

and in the darkest of hours.

 

Allow me to partake in this

short journey,

the path to the unknown,

and back to all that is right in life…

all that is greatness in the divinity

of YOU.