Redesigning Your Life

I look outside on this beautiful cool November day at the many naked trees. Leaves are falling fast. The forest is starting to look bare behind our house. In the process of it getting there I see how simple things make my life worthwhile. It is those sweet fundamental moments of being present while staring at nature that I feel grounded.

I’ve been working on redesigning my life this year. Every day!

In that state of creating I enter a place of divinity. Call it meditation, prayer, contemplation or a visit from a muse. These are the moments that make me come to the realization I am content and filled with gratitude for all that I have.

It is gratitude that creates magic.

Things such as love, family, work, resting, writing, sharing and living through this journey become my perfect reality. It is never easy to follow a dream that others cannot understand. But, if you are honest with yourself and those folks see how well you manage under the many obstacles they, too, will see the light of joy it brings in you.

You are better because of living authentically. I always say a line that makes people laugh, “I know my truth!” And, this is my truth. I am blessed I am not alone on this journey. I thank each one of you for being my beacons of light every day. Have a wonderful day! Tap into your imagination and create all that you desire!

Be happy for you 


I was sharing with a dear friend about something that recently happened, a conversation with a very negative soul who I consider an emotional vampire. My friend said, “You have enough material to write a sitcom called, Why I Became a Fairy.”
When someone from your past calls remember why they are in your past and not in your present. Remember what you seem to forget as the stories start to spew out of their mouths. You are not responsible for all the wrong that has happened in their lives. You might not have been in their lives for some time…anything that appears to a sociopath as your fault is NOT. 

I am reminded that being compassionate does not mean you are a doormat. Being kind doesn’t constitute being walked on. Being loving doesn’t mean you have to like everyone. Being present doesn’t mean you have to fix anyone either. Being empathetic doesn’t mean you forget your authentic power. Although you may be able to channel a fairy queen goddess, Superman, Batman, Grace Kelly or anyone else, remember that you are still a human being with your own lessons to learn. 

So…I was jolted for an hour or so. I was catapult to the past and all the horrors this person created, the havoc and chaos of constant bullshit drama. And, then, with deep breaths, loving prayers, some pixie dust, and lots of incense I was brought back here…to a sweet space in the mountains while gearing up for a busy week. I am reminded of how far I’ve come from toxic energy and how I can now decipher what I will tolerate and what I will not. You are no one’s permanent punching bag. You are magnificent. 

I am fabulously able to understand that these challenges are amazing synchronicities for something magical ahead. Hang up, disconnect and put those souls in a do-not-disturb place. You got this.

Authenticity of You 


I had a conversation the other day with someone about consciousness. This woman was a little judgmental in regards to receiving “messages” from another realm. I explained to her that our souls are always in knowing mode but we, as human alterations, block the messages. Call it intuition, whispers from God, or whatever. We have an inner guidance that lets us know when and where we need to be. She wouldn’t budge. And, it’s not my place to sell something that is free. I don’t have all the answers but I have my own experiences. You can only express from your perspective and I am not responsible for her.

I have fallen outside of consciousness several times in my life. During these moments I haven’t had the awareness of my human factors. I don’t know anything but truth. A little of this also happens during meditation. But the last time it was profoundly evident was three years ago when it truly showed me how easy it is to detach from human ego. There is no chain holding us in the body. There is no vault holding us tightly to this costume. 

Consciousness and the soul move out quickly. I have had the privilege to be around others when they die and it’s just a blink of an eye. It happens in a way that our timing and perception cannot gather or comprehend. To fall outside of this consciousness has allowed me to see things in a different light. I realize how much I avoided in my life.

I was afraid of everything. I was paralyzed by anxiety and judgment for anyone thinking that I was nuts. I couldn’t step outside of my truth and I became a prisoner within guarded relationships who reminded me I was possibly insane. These were placed in my life for security by no one other than me. As long as I knew I couldn’t step outside of my authenticity no one could reject me. Imagine the injustice I created for over 40 years? What an amazing time wasted in worrying about others instead of living my truth.

I share this because I know so many who are falling in and out of consciousness and feel the claws of insanity judging them. You owe yourself full respect, love and acknowledgment. You don’t owe anyone your stories, your trial and tribulations, or apologies with excuses for being you. Be quirky. Be whimsical. Be outrageous. Be freaking full of love. You will never make every single person happy. That’s very improbable. But, you can make yourself content by being you. If that looks like a hippie, a psychic, a religious fanatic, an artist, a musician, a homeless man, Superman, Wonder Woman, or whatever…that’s your choice. When you finally embrace all your qualities, greatness, and magnificence…oh my God! you will be in a place of freedom. Be happy with you. You are here to live out truth. Fear arrives when we stop ourselves from consciousness by adhering to everyone’s demands. Stop asking for permission from society. Go achieve your greatness. And, if you lose people along your freedom…well…they were lessons. Let them go. Let yourself go too!

May you all have a happy and peaceful week. Love to all!

Rise Above 


I’ve made some difficult decisions lately as I had to be true to what my soul was expressing. I have spent a lifetime avoiding my desires while feeling guilt and shame for another. 
Do I do this? Do I do that? What if I do this, will it affect this person? Oh…it’s just easier to do that which feels right. It’s time to be authentic to what I will or will not do. And it’s magical. It’s important to remember the stories of past events and return to the present with full awareness of the lessons. 
Virginia Woolf said, “You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” Life needs to be acknowledged in its complete presence. It needs the wisdom of time, gratitude for each breath, and love for each connection. If you allow it, life will break you and then stitch those parts into a more remarkable being. When you let life guide without the fears of the unknown, through faith and trust, it will give you everything you have wanted and more…while being fully present with joy. 
This is the adventure. 
We are who we are because of the stories from the past. It’s in recognizing what we care to do with joy and what we won’t tolerate any longer that the magic begins to create through fairy dust particles of miracles. Things open up to align with your gifts and wishes. 
Every road into memories and events allows us to figure out where we came from and how we got here. It becomes an unconscious clearing in mind, body and spirit.
Allow yourself to feel alive in those solitary moments when the reminder of living is magnified. Give your soul permission to visit and revisit the parts of you that need mending. Then may you return to the present with a full understanding of how awesome you are! Be embraced by Divinity!
Rise, darling! Rise to your soul’s yearning. Become all that you are meant to be but have forgotten for some time. ~ Millie

You are not your “likes”

likr

We have been reprogrammed in this techie era to believe that our worth is based on “likes,” “stats,” “comments,” and “views.” But, we are not any of these things. People resonate with you because of how you act and react. They look at your examples…not your pictures or your words. Character is still the number one quality in a person by how you treat another. So NO you are not the amount of likes that shows up on the screen. The real “likes” come from inside.

I write because I must. I wouldn’t dare post all that I write. I write because it’s in my veins, the words make my heart jump with joy, and I need to get them down. I write because it’s a lifeline to my spiritual practice. I don’t write to impress, be accepted, or have an ego boosting. This is not part of the process when I sit with the laptop at 3AM on the sofa typing away in the dark as a muse cheers me on. Most of the time I have no clue what has transpired. I don’t have to. It’s my way of meditating, contemplating and creating from a place of divine wisdom.

So, when someone points out that I have an X amount of likes on a page…I gasp. I don’t know what that is or what it needs to be. I don’t care. I share my words because I understand that most of the people feel this sense of loneliness with their emotions. I share because it’s a connection between one soul and another. And, because of those connections I have made some lasting friendships that have pulled me out of many personal dark times. Writing has done that for me. It has introduced a world of like-minded folks who care. I love my underdogs, misfits, hippies, introverts, tree-huggers, and geeks. I can relate to the odd balls because I am eccentric. I don’t belong in a box. And this extension of letters, words, and sentences has allowed for me to interact with a world that needs inspiration. I need the inspiring words of another when I read their thoughts. I need to confirm that I am not crazy…that what I am feeling is part of the human experience.

Don’t sit and stare at a screen to see who pushes “like.” Don’t wait around to figure out if you are accepted. Screw it. Write because you got some incredible wittiness to share. Write because your love and humor can touch one person. Write because if you don’t a part of you withers and that’s a death I avoid. Write because you have something your soul needs to share. It doesn’t matter if it’s liked or not. I think when we come from a space of love and truth everyone understands. It’s a place of authentic power. And those words empower another.

Thank you for the constant love and support. I appreciate all the wonderful thoughts. But, my friends, worth is not determined by how many folks stop by your page, your blog, or your articles. Worth is determined by how YOU live and see your own existence. If at the end of the day when you place your little head on a pillow you can answer “yes” to these questions you have lived a powerful life: Did I love myself to the full capacity? Did I make someone smile? Did I raise the vibration to those around me with a bit of joy? Did I do good today? Did I love wholeheartedly? Am I safe?

We are in this technology time together. Let’s use it to raise consciousness with good. Let’s utilize the magnitude of connection to a loving awareness that brings us to a place of pure divinity. Let’s make this magical gathering of tech-time a forum and platform to make the world a better place.  You do not have to buy into the negativity.  That’s your choice.  Create and allow others to express themselves. Have a great day!

A New Dawn

dawn

Finally having settled into a new home, I feel the nudges of dreams rattling me up with excitement. It’s been months since I could figure out what I am to do with this new chapter of my life. Closing down the retreat center was also shutting down many aspirations until a few days ago when I realized that the experience catapult me into the place I am now: a new dawn of mysticism.

I understand what it is to put up a front. I also understand what it feels like to know there’s something more to the present circumstances when life seems to be dragging you down. I am very good at hiding hurt for a long time. I shove disappointments into some chamber in my heart. I allow for things to settle and then…I open the chamber and sit with those emotions until I am spent. This is where decisions of truth come out and dictate what is best for me. Until I am ready to clean out and make peace I choose not to make major decisions. One bad day does not constitute a bad life. One bad year does not create a bad future. It is through vulnerability and nakedness that power is born. We have no choice but to go up and about while releasing those things through self-forgiveness. You cannot blame another for the choices you make. I participate in every action and reaction of my life. This period of time with uncertainty has finally concluded. I feel change knocking at the door and it feels good. I have forgotten to just breathe and let go. I have been holding my breath for so long that my insides feel stale at times. And, that’s the thing, somehow we forget to surrender. We forget that this moment will pass and that it’s all an illusion. Emotions are tangible equations that can hurt or enhance. It’s all in how you use them.

When we are in a depression, embraced by anger and disappointments, we forget to just let go completely. It’s easier to hold on to what you know. Familiarity seems comfortable but it isn’t. Often times we don’t allow ourselves the break of just being. Things will work out. They always do, with or without our acknowledgment. We all struggle through these economic times, personal losses, and the hardships of parenthood and adulthood. Many of us have to be stripped of everything materialistic in order to allow the ego to shut up. It is during drastic changes that souls rise to the occasion. We get an opportunity to witness strength and faith in character. We get to live by integrity while pulling on our truth to lead the way. We become vulnerable and available to Spirit for guidance. I have had several moments in the past eighteen months when I have doubted my own professional and personal path. “What am I doing here? What am I suppose to be doing? How can I contribute to my life? How can I live a purpose-passionate-driven life doing what I enjoy so much?” I have nothing but a million words…oh, the questions and answers move around in an infinite vortex. Then, through a shift in perception or move of location…the magic begins to happen. The veil lifts and I see all that is there for the taking. Nothing has changed except my attitude. Freedom is not a physical entity that appears like trying to exit a prison cell. Freedom is the acceptance of all that is happening and still choosing to move through with grace. It is about realizing that your perception created the prison cell. There are no bars but those you put around you to stop you from leaving the comfort zone.

This morning as I write from my desk while looking out to the beautiful creek, I feel gratitude. Change is never easy. Change requires trust. I am watching the icy grounds, the sun melting the droplets from the trees, and enjoying the quietness of a winter mountain morning. I am able to feel distance and closure without the ache that follows some days. I also know not to control or shut down those emotions when they rise. I have no plans at this very moment. I am cutting myself slack for the constant need to do something productive. I don’t have to know the answers to my life this very minute. I don’t have to know what will happen tomorrow. It’s in this nakedness of nothing and acceptance that I can enjoy today. It feels like it’s been forever since I have had a moment like this.

For the first time in months I am sleeping peacefully. I am falling asleep and staying in dreamland throughout the night. This new dawn brings with it freedom. It brings an awareness of allowance and manifesting. It holds nothing back. I am forever grateful for every single lesson that the retreat center brought to me. Every single person was a gift. Every moment of joy and sadness has been an instruction in the evolution of my character. The growth has been incredible. I am forever grateful for a dear friend who taught me so many powerful lessons. I am forever touched by the changes and the newness that pushed me right here, right now, and continue to show me the path. Even through the unlikely events that brought me here it’s been an honor to have lived 5-1/2 years in a sanctuary of mystical enhancements. I would not change a single moment of it’s humble teachings.  My humility and humanness have been affected for life. The heart has opened up in miraculous ways while showing me authentic self.

Give yourself permission to not have all the answers. Give yourself the time to just be. Make time to meditate and reach the level of passion for the life you want. You have been placed on this earth for greatness…no matter what you do make it great. You are not here just to pay bills and die. You are here to glitter and shine while enriching your soul with love…and then transcending that joy unto another.

Spiritual Direction

humility

Note:  I wrote this a year ago today.  I dreamed about this last night. I don’t know why. I suspect that my re-birthday is to blame! The lessons I learned from DEATH are just as intense and valuable as the ones I am learning from LIFE. I am not the same person I was a six months ago. I am not the same person I was when I returned from the ultimate space of LOVE. I continue to learn from this experience as intensely as I learn from living. I cannot tell you what to do. I cannot tell you how to live. You are the only one who knows what you need. I can only show you what I live through my spirituality and my humanness. After my awakening I promised myself that I would love as profoundly as I felt loved in that moment that I died. I swore I would bring that sense of divinity back and it’s been a constant reminder that in one second life can change. Do your self a favor and live like if you are dying. It won’t matter what you did a year ago, tomorrow or in ten years. I will forever be grateful for the guidance and the knowing that all I am and forever will be is the embodiment of true love. In the end that is truly all that matters…to me.  And here is the story:

In a few days it will be a year that I died in the emergency room. One minute I was having chest pains, the next paralysis and finally a moment of leaving and visiting the other realm. It took months of me finding grounding in my body. I felt like I could not fit. I couldn’t grasp returning to the human world. All fear and anxiety had disappeared. All dreams, expectations, and purpose fell to the roadside. Those things that caused constant worrying somehow seemed mundane. Living was mundane, without meaning. My poor fiance couldn’t deal with this new woman. My best friend was fearful that I would return to the world of the dead. It was a constant source of questions, “Are you okay? Do you feel alright? Do you need anything?” I cannot begin to imagine what they witnessed and how they felt through it all.

I would stand in the dead of winter watching the wind go through the trees. I could spend hours listening to the earth stretching, hearing colors, tasting the land like something from a metaphysical movie. Life was surreal. I couldn’t relate to this place when what I witnessed in those moments of meeting Spirit was the most magical experience I could ever imagine. And, for the skeptic in me, if it was my imagination then I would rather that other place over anything here on earth.

Spirituality is a personal facet of my life. It is a path that I try to move through while fully being present in my human form. I am not a religious person, but have studied several religions and philosophies throughout the years. I pick and choose from belief systems those things that feel right. Spiritual direction is for me to travel and often in a lonely manner because let’s face it, spirituality is personal. It is intimate. But, everything I had believed until January 15, 2014, was incorrect. I didn’t see Jesus Christ. I didn’t see Buddha. I didn’t see any of the great masters. I didn’t see a tunnel with loved ones waiting to walk me down the spiritual hall. I only saw love and light. I was engulfed in the warmth of universal ecstasy.  I was in the arms and presence of Source.

Those first three months of 2014 required a constant taste of humanity. I had more Spirit than Ego. I had more essence and love than ever before in my 46 years. I had more presence. I had an infinite amount of time. Although the days still had 24 hours I was able to stretch them into infinite space. I returned with a high pitch that became a meter for b.s. I could read people’s thoughts. I returned with so much love that I would cry just holding a book, a plant, my lover’s hands, my child’s words over a phone call, the cat purring, the dog placing his head on my lap, and anything that came into my space with any feelings. I had a really hard time connecting to my humanness. I had an impossible struggle feeling the hurt that people constantly carry in their hearts. Life is not meant to be such a struggle…but here we are pursuing the impossible with tenacity and hardness while forgetting to breathe the privilege of being alive. We have little gratitude for who we are and what we are meant to be…Divine Spirits having a human experience.

On March a close friend allowed me and my best friend to go stay in her brother’s home on the outer banks of North Carolina for a weekend. I walked the cold beach. Its vacancy allowed me to be again with the earth away from the freezing weather in the mountains. I wrote. I rested. I shared stories with my friend. We cooked. We danced. We walked by ourselves along shorelines. I was once again held by the grace of Spirit, not only for sustaining me through this return in human form, but for allowing me to want to stay here. I got another chance! I have had several of these in my lifetime. But, I had never returned from the Omnipotence presence of love.

Love transcends all. It sees no color, no race, no discrimination, no age, no faults, not a thing. Love sees you and me and this marvelous experience we get to call Life. And, when we embrace it with complete and utter compassion we are returned to a place of mysticism, mystery and the wisdom of time.

As months overlapped, new responsibilities took hold of me. I became more human again. It no longer takes me hours to fit my essence inside of my body. I wake naturally tugged in it. I have had struggles and questions and disappointments, but I’ve had grace and love guiding me along the way. I don’t know why I died. I don’t have those answers. I don’t have direction for another. I am reminded that I have to work on my own journey constantly finding a footing. I overlook things because ego is constantly monopolizing my rational brain. After dying I try to step back and allow the signs of spirit to guide me. Sometimes in seeking, fate hides all resources. We are forced to take new direction.

The other day I told a friend that I felt like there’s no way I could help another. If I can’t get my own crap spiritually aligned how do I give advice to another suffering from lack of direction? Then it came to me: spiritual direction is about allowing our higher self to find the answers. We reach in and find the truth from faith and intuition. I cannot guide you without you allowing your own guidance to align with your wishes. Somewhere inside you have all the answers. I will not tell you what you need…but I can give you examples of what has worked for me. I can hold your human hands while cradling your heart with a whisper, a touch, a sweet smile and let you know that you are not alone. That’s all I can offer you.

You have to let go in order to begin living. Living is a courageous act balancing the physical forms with the spiritual ones. Allow spirit to guide you. It’s always there. We are made from love, to love, and be love. Mucho love to you, darling!  Begin with loving yourself!