The Secret to Change

The secret to change is in the awareness.

We are so hard on ourselves. You notice that? How deeply ridiculous we treat ourselves at times? We aren’t always that hard with others.

Saturday I was sent the final edits for my memoir, Erasable. I opened up the manuscript and became paralyzed. There wasn’t much to change but the idea of having to re-read this story (MY STORY) oh my gosh… it brought me to my knees.

I had to relive parts of me I had forgotten. I wrote the first part of this memoir 20 years ago, right after my accident. I worked on it 2 years ago and redid a lot of it. But it’s been a long while since I went detail by detail, line by line, word by word, mano a mano.

I was still under the weather dealing with the crud. I was struggling just to take care of the kids and myself. And, here in an email, comes this manuscript with a timely deadline in order to get it out on 1/11/23.

So, I cried. I let the publisher know that maybe this wasn’t a good enough book to finish. The editor and publisher immediately returned my email with suggestions and loving support. I understand a lot of authors at the last minute fear their words being put out there. They talked me off the ledge. They suggested I call a mutual friend of ours (who had put out a book earlier this year). She held my hair and my hand throughout the day from many miles away and she was vital to my ability in moving through all the emotions.

I worked on it Saturday and Sunday and it was sent back.

Was it hard? Not once I started!
Was it emotional? You betcha!
Does it share a message that others will understand? I have no doubt!
It is me at my most vulnerable. It’s raw, and real.

To read of the woman I was then and the woman I’ve become now in a book… it’s something. It’s transformational.

The secret to change is always in the awareness because once you know better, you do better. Once you become responsible and accountable for your decisions, your choices, and your life… the world opens up in a very different frequency.

Fear will stop us from succeeding. Had I let that fear of being seen take over, there may not be a book. For that matter, I wouldn’t be writing the way I write daily. I believe that stories connect us. Words comfort us, move us, and allow us to recognize that we aren’t alone.

I love you. Thanks for always being here with me.

Millie ❤️

Changing Perspective

About 21 years ago my ex and I hit a horrific financial pitfall. We owned an Industrial Distribution company and when 9/11 hit we pretty much lost A LOT in the stock market. Just like millions, we lost the ability to trust in what we couldn’t see. I ended up moving from South Florida to Central Florida with six kids while he stayed behind to salvage what was left. I worked on the business from my tiny rental home. Slowly we began to figure out how to navigate the storms.

That Thanksgiving there wasn’t much money. A week before the holiday, I woke one morning to a voice in my little head that clearly stated to help those in need in Orlando. Truth be told I was one of the needy ones. I went into meditation and I was shown exactly what needed to be done. I wrote a list.

I went to the Dollar store and bought all sorts of food and created 20 baskets. I went into our glass-change jar for this. After a few days I took the baskets to the police station in the worst area and asked the officer to please distribute to whomever he thought needed it most. I explained they needed to have children and/or elderly folks. I had written notes in each basket with personal love cards from God.

He asked if I wanted to schedule a right-along. I told them that I felt he had it. I didn’t need to be there.

Because I followed Guidance, that Thanksgiving ended up being absolutely beautiful. A week later money began to come into our accounts from sources I didn’t even know. We had food. We had shelter. We had health. We had the necessities.

What changed? My perception of the situations.

How did I overcome the loss of our home, the deterioration of our business? I walked one step at a time into the sacred journey. I was held tightly in a conviction that Spirit was guiding me.

It’s in the moments of despair that we find strength. It’s in those moments of uncertainty that Faith shows up and holds our hands. It’s those challenges that teach us how to trust in something omnipotent. We are never quite broken as much as fractured for a bit. We heal and we rise. We are absolutely a tenacious bunch.

Gratitude opens us up to abundance (and this doesn’t necessarily mean money, it could be health, joy, ease, etc.). You don’t have to literally give anything. You can sit and send prayers to those in your life, to the planet, to your ancestors. I sit with 12 months of wonderful experiences, especially the challenging events, and recognize their lessons.

For so many of us, the last few years have actually changed us into new versions of ourselves. We have been polished into new beings because of those experiences.

I love you. Be kind always. Stay in the moment of wonderous gratitude and watch how the Universe/God/Guidance show up in return.

I am deeply grateful for your presence!

Millie

You are a Reflection of Love

The day will come when you won’t be looking for faith outside of you. When you will stop looking for God in temples and religion. You will notice the Divine staring back from the reflection in the mirror. You will see it smiling at you in a homeless person or a loved one taking their last breath. You will find Source in your children as they laugh out loud. You will feel spirit in the kiss from your mate. You will finally recognize our connections and how important it is to be kind and compassionate to everyone even when they don’t accept it. You will find the silence and ability to walk away. You will feel divinity in nature and inhale her wisdom.

You will accept yourself fully and all the power of infinite love.

It is then when you have reached the loving understanding of your purpose through unbounded love. The expectations of anything outside of yourself will dissolve around you.

You will see you. And you will walk this earth seeing love and compassion in all things without judgment. You will feel the truth of your existence.

I see you. I feel you. I know the God in you is also the God in me. I love you.

Millie

Trust vs. Hope

For several years now I have shifted my language. I used to say “I hope” and now I say “I trust.”

To me there is a difference in the way I use the words. When I use hope it feels like a desire and expectation. It doesn’t feel like it is very reliable.

Trust is confident. It is faithful. Trust is believing that things will manifest. It is knowing that things happen in divine timing.

Hope does not feel that way. It feels like it lacks something. I don’t know but try it out for yourself.

I share things with trust rather than hope. Sometimes “hope” is the only thing another person can understand. We relate to what we’ve been programmed to hear.

I trust that things happen. I have faith in them. When I pray or meditate I go into the practice with trust, not hope. Hoping for something feels powerless. Trusting in something feels very empowering.

Trusting you have a deliciously magical day.
I love you.

Millie

Finding Happiness

Seven years ago today, I had the most amazing pleasure of attending a reading, along with Q&A, for Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book Big Magic. It was indeed magical. Listening to her speak is like being with a close friend. She’s down to earth and approachable. What you see is what you get! Some of the audience’s questions felt like subjects I have questioned myself on many occasions.

Gilbert stood on stage gracefully, and honestly, answering to the best of her spiritual wisdom. I went home floored. I’ve read the book about creativity but this event was more for my heart to open and remember what’s important. There are questions that hit home: What is truth and how do you live by it always?

We fear hurting someone else. But, when we stand in our own light of truth it is important to stay there. Allowing others to tarnish and use your kindness, creativity, or whatever is not living an authentic life. She said at some point that “self-care requires a great amount of self-discipline.” We deviate from our rituals to make others happy. We go-go-go and refuse to take time for ourselves.

Here’s the thing that I have learned and at times I forget: DO NOT, by any means, allow another to steal your joy and happiness. Do not dive into the waters of a martyr or a victim because of circumstance, events, or toxic people. Do not participate in drama unless you want a Masters in Fine Arts degree from those people who will bring you down to low frequencies while making you forget who you are. Do not, by any means, avoid your heart’s yearning so another person can feel better. Live life with self-love and self-care. It’s imperative that you listen to your voice, that small echo that cries in your dreams, that whispers in the shower, that sings in the car… forcing you to chase happiness.

I remember years ago I read a quote in a restaurant while sitting on a toilet. Someone had written it on the back of the door: “Happiness is HELL for victims.” For a few moments I stared at it thinking, “Wow, what possessed someone to write that in here? What would cause a soul the need to write something so powerful and remind others how important happiness can be for our essence?” I kept thinking of the woman and what she must have been enduring.

So, with that in mind BE Joyful! BE happy. Most importantly BE truthful with your word and your spirit. I love you!

Millie

The Connection of Everything

I came out of a soft meditation re-entering this world with complete openness and vulnerability. I opened my eyes to the candles in front, engulfed by the darkness of early morning. It’s a sacred time. My favorite time of the day.

I moved my hand towards my chest patting the soft thump of movement.

Deep breaths.

Deep awareness.

I returned to what I know.

I hear the world at 3am. It’s quite different than any other time. It’s magical. The sounds from earth are therapeutic and of higher vibration. In that silence you can feel the connection of everything. You and I are not separate. There is no distinction of distance. There is only unity and connection.

The rain was thumping on the glass door. I opened up the blinds, and even though it was pitch black, I could see the silhouettes of the water.

I returned to my presence.

I bow my head in gratitude. A new day has arrived. I will do my best to help. I don’t know how it will show up. I don’t know who I will serve with love and kindness. My only job is to just show up.

I’m here. Sending healing to all the areas that are fractured or hurting. I’m here to help shift the conscious mayhem of social fear. I’m here to help love you even if you don’t feel lovable. You are magnificent. I will keep reminding you.

I’m just here… With you… Together in love!

Millie

Loving Simple Things

There are so many events in my life… single moments that scream “pay attention right now!” These stretches of time give, take, and release into the universe the joy of being me. I love them as they alone stand in shifting my awareness from too much to the NOW. It’s these things that capture the person I am and what I cherish in my life:

I love when my children call me for no reason whatsoever but to say “hello, Mom, and I love you.”

I love laughing till I cry, not in a corny way but in a way that an intellectual conversation suddenly dives into silliness and whatever was said before the outbreak is forgotten.

I love random texts full of hellos and gratitude in the sweetest way possible with just a word or a picture.

I love how tears escape unexpectedly with a sound of a one-sentence story with no expectation of filling the air with more.

I love sending cards, delicately placing each word with a tiny piece of my heart to fly into the hands of another.

I love smells that remind me of something far and gone but linger for a few seconds in a corner of my mind.

I love old songs that transport me into a place and time of embrace.

I love unexpected hugs in a middle of a talk when it has nothing to do with touching and the skin of another amps and vibrates from the shock of grabbing onto it.

I love chasing sunrises and sunsets when the colors remind me of God’s masterpiece.

I love the perfect cup of cafe con leche and bringing it back to bed as I snuggle for just a little longer with my thoughts and prayers.

These are non sequential moments that open me up, gather the spiritual side of me, and then drop me into another place that I cannot verbalize. They touch and burn and linger for a while allowing for the complete gratitude of Divinity. And like that, I love the way some folks can hold a glance without saying much and hand a smile that contagiously plants itself on my face.

I love feeling the earth on my bare feet when the soil is moist and cold while reminding me to ground my scattered soul. I love seeing the light in others that speaks louder than anything they can share with me, or seeing their angels and ancestors watching over them. I love sitting with anticipation each morning and waiting for light to break through the darkness while I say my prayers, light my candles and wish for goodness in the day. I also love how when someone is sleeping they can murmur a part of their dreams while inviting me into their dreamland.

And, one of my favorite things is the smell of truth and authenticity when someone has no agenda except being in my presence just because they feel loved and appreciated. These things happen without my knowing. They just bring me back to the present as a gift from the Heavens.

May you find joy in your favorite things while attracting more of them!

Oh… and I love YOU~

Millie

The Shift

We are being shaken up to wake in truth. The shift is happening in a large scale. We are women, mothers, sisters, daughters and friends. We are the divine feminine rising in masses. We are the divine masculine holding steady and raising the frequency as well.

Stay in love and do not allow fear to consume you. This is happening on a massive collective soul level. Together we can heal and help the world heal. When one voice is heard it echoes across the world. So imagine what millions of beautiful voices speaking truth can do to release old wounds? Regardless of what the media shares we continue to show the world that truth prevails. And more than anything the light we continue to carry towards one another transcends this moment.

We are making history every single second. This is one of the most powerful times ever. We are witnessing our strengths in numbers. I am healing my own traumas and deep treacherous memories. I hear from so many who are finally releasing as well. I don’t remember any other time in my life that has pushed us to stand in our convictions.

So thank you for your bravery, your allowance, your spiritual expansion. Thank you to all the women and men for staying open. I stand in awed of the magic we are creating.

I love you.
Millie

Creation

When my second son, Patrick, was about 11 or 12 years old he got in trouble with his English teacher. Pat has always been an inquisitive and empathic soul. He has always desired to know the why’s, how’s and what’s of everything.

Now imagine this call from the school: “Patrick has been disrespectful to me today and I won’t stand for it any longer. I need you to come in and have a meeting with me and the principal.”

Next morning I was there with Patrick and the teachers. I had already heard what had happened from him. Mrs. Hernandez was pregnant and only a month away from giving birth.

“Patrick looked at me yesterday and in the middle of class asked me how it felt to have someone inside of me.”

I explained that Pat was fascinated with her pregnancy. He had watched the miracle of life every day and her stomach growing. What he intended to say, which he failed to do, was ask how it felt to have a new life inside of her stomach. My son sat there and shared deeply with the principal and teacher. Their eyes watered as he went on to discuss the beauty of being a woman, the power of giving life to this world, and the exquisiteness of creation.

It wasn’t pornographic as she thought. It was fantastic to see a young man wonder about the human body and the miracle of creation. He shared that “this miracle is something men will never get to experience. My mother had me and my brother and she adopted 4 more children because her body couldn’t make anymore babies…. We are all miracles because of women.”

I have never forgotten that moment sitting in that school at 7am. When I see a pregnant woman I always think of my son (and he’s 34 y/o). And I think daily of the amazing creators that we are even if we don’t give birth to a child.

We are magical beings. We have the power to hold divinity within us. And not just in birthing children, but in creating a life through authentic purpose. We are magnificent at constructing dreams and supporting others through love. We are mothers, daughters, teachers and lovers of the world. And together we are rising to make the world a better place for those we leave behind.

I love you!

Millie

Release it to the Cosmos

(Google image since I could not take a picture of the man.)

This morning on my way to take the kids to camp, I watched a young man, half-naked, on the side of the interstate yelling at the trees and sky. It was right before 7AM. My windows were down and as I passed him I heard, “F*cK You!” as his fists were pointing upward.

I had this sensation of stopping, but I had the kids. And I am not part of this man’s story. A piece of me marveled at the ability to shout out to the Heavens, that raw vulnerability (even if he was strung out on something) to say exactly what he was feeling.

Most of us don’t.

We bury the pain or the anger. We bulldoze over it. We expect things will change and get angry when they don’t. We demand, beg, plead and complain about it.

Whenever I’ve had enough, I climb the tallest mountain around here early enough not to bump into anyone. When I get to the top, I sit on the largest boulder. The cows on that field surround me. Then I yell to the top of my lungs. I don’t stop till I feel the energy move through me. I sit for a bit. I may cry. I may write. I may just close my eyes and allow the sensations of nature embody me. I become still, smelling the earth, tasting the wind, hearing my heart beat.

I watched this man today and recognized it is time for another trip up the mountain. Those releases are powerful. I had a special pillow for one of my children when she was small so that she could hit it and yell. It was just a way for her to stabilize her little emotional body. Sometimes it was exactly what she needed. Other times it made it worst. We always found a happy medium.

This man needed this today. He had enough (or not enough). Who knows!

Today, allow yourself to feel what needs to move through you. Lock yourself in the car and yell. Scream in a pillow. Allow the energy to move through you and don’t filter it, avoid it, or reject it. Our bodies are transitioning with all the collective madness. If you can’t give yourself permission to let it out, your physical body begins to absorb it all in toxic ways. Self-care is also about releasing the things that haunt you.

I love you! Go love yourself as well!

Millie