New Beginnings

new beginnings

I take the month of April as a time to celebrate. All 30 days honor as my birthday. On April 1st, I lost one of my sweet elderly clients. I loved him dearly. Although he was in hospice care, I didn’t expect his departure. On April 3rd, I lost a family member who died way too young, leaving three young girls. Yesterday I visited a brand new baby at the hospital who will be adopted by a beautiful couple. She was born from a crack addict who abandoned her as soon as she could leave. Holding her in my arms completed the circle of life. As two souls left this world, this little one came in fighting for her existence. Life is fluid and magical. I left the hospital celebrating it all…the losses and the gains. All three cases are heartbreaking and require emotional acknowledgment.  All three souls touched me in deep ways. I keep hearing the pain out there but I also keep rejoicing the healing and love.

A week ago my husband and I made another difficult decision. We will be taking on another child who needs a loving home. We will love him with the same ferocity and acknowledgment that we’ve given to others. I will be 50 years old in two weeks. It’s not an easy decision but it is the right one. He sat across from me and shared that “Batman never questioned or ignored his bat signals. He armored up and went to the call….” In this case he is Batman…and I am his side kick (yours truly). We will answer the call and provide the superpower of love.
I suspect this is going to be one of the most intensely surprising April’s. We leave in two weeks to Machu Picchu on a spiritual journey of sorts. It’s been calling for me for some time. And, we need this before re-entering another phase of parenting. I sat across from him and said, “Darling, this is not my first rodeo. This will be number 8. I know how this works.  This is number 2 for you. I know you will continue to be magnificent in your role….” So, Peru will be healing and full of mystical surprises.  My spiritual guides have been preparing me for some incredible experiences there.
I feel it’s time to recharge and return to the origins of me. It’s hard to define that. It involves faith, grace, and acceptance. I suspect that something is emerging and it’s lovely on so many levels.  I am open to the expedition of self. It is spring after all…regrowth and newness.
I urge you to make decisions without worrying about how others will react. I ask that you live fully and love openly. Life is fragile and beautiful. You get to decide how you choose to live it. You never know what’s around the corner even when you think you have it all figured out. I look forward to my journeys…the trip and another round of motherhood. For months I was living with panic attacks and anxiety during the night. I couldn’t figure out why. My soul knew of the changes. I resisted unknowingly in my human form. Once it showed up I was able to return to peace. And here we are…today is beyond lovely. Our little boy will be arriving to a home full of joy and love.
I want that for you as well….joy and love. Over and over again. I love you.

Surprise in the season

Spring is here in full bloom. Green buds occupy the yard on every tree creating a sense of magic. We’ve moved to the city. Yesterday allowed me to close a powerful chapter in my life. Having lived on a mountain for almost 7 years I was ready. Our yard is a blank canvas full of possibilities and the flowers blooming are enticing me to finish putting things away, get settled into this new life, and head outside.

As a child my mother did not like me going out and getting dirty. I was one of those kids that loved to make mud pies and dig in the dirt. I was always the black sheep of the family, the one who danced to her own tunes which no one ever heard. I was the one who would speak to anyone, make friends with the garbage man and the utility folks. But, fear always lurked in the distance due to a family that has always been rather reserved and afraid of stepping into the unknown. I feel for them because they are missing out on the joys of serendipity and spontaneity. They are not allowing their natural state of being to direct them to feel the earth within themselves.

Now, at this moment, I sit in my new nook and office staring outside. The landscape is filling up. Each morning the trees birth more leaves. Flowers give out the fragrance of memories. The skies are lovelier. Sunrises and sunsets have purples and pinks. The breeze is softer. The earth is enriched with such ease. I am always surprised by this time of year in North Carolina. We don’t have significant changing of seasons in Florida. So, this to me, around my birthday, always feels like a giant gift from the universe.

Birth is here. It’s all around us. It’s within us. All we have to do is step out of our little dramas and notice the beauty of this season. It’s time for mud pies, gardening, creating and nesting. It’s that time of year that draws me outward and allows for me to sigh…in relief for all that winter had me endure.

May you continue growing just like the trees, leaves, flowers, grass, and nature around you. Find the its rhythm and follow that. It’s magical and mystical. It’s why we are here. Nothing to change, nothing to force, nothing to do but allow things to move in their Divine order. Breathe…deeply with love and compassion.

Have a great week, darlings! Make it sparkly, glittery, and yummilicious…Millie

Birth of a Woman

birth

When a woman is born

from the awareness of lost love

hope finds a nest in her heart

and memories no longer

reside with bitterness.

Each turn, curve, and path

become the journey towards peace

without regard of destination

as she arrives there solely through forgiveness.

 

When a woman is born

out of darkness and sorrow

Divinity steps in with a golden lantern

shining light never seen before

on the future now guided by wisdom,

grace and love.

 

When a woman is born

from truth and authenticity

the world respects her

and nothing is ever viewed the same

because it isn’t what is seen with eyes

but captured through heart and soul.

 

Love lies in the self knowledge

of femininity, fertility,

and intimacy mirroring

in such a way that she doesn’t recognize

her transformation…at first.

 

When a woman is born

from the frailties of pain

her angel wings grow wider,

her muscles stronger,

her heart elongates to touch the essence of God.

It is in those moments that all doubts resign

and the “I AM” returns to the world

in the form of motherhood to herself.