Real Beauty in You

My darlings be proud of who you are. Accept and embrace your flaws, wrinkles, curves, cellulite, and bodacious-ness. Each part of your body is a reflection and projection of your inner-ness and wisdom. I had someone make a comment a few days ago about my weight..that now that I’ve lost some I look better. I laughed because I guess with extra weight I don’t look well (I must look like shit)…but I am still me. The me inside doesn’t change with the weight. I have been up and down the spectrum of heavy to thin to heavy again. I am still who I am regardless of my exterior. I have lived a life in my younger years worrying so much about the size I was wearing in a society that was constantly judging me based on the number on the scale. And for what? I am flawless in my mission to love, not just others, but especially myself as I am today. I am healthy. What do I care if I have to get new jeans today and tomorrow give them away?

God don’t make no junk!

You cannot live a life dieting and full of self-loathing. No make-up in the world will make you perfect. The mask eventually has to come off. Love yourself. Because when you do another will align with your worth. If you want to enhance your beauty, go ahead but be happy with the overall parts of you. Allow those parts of you to show you who and what needs learning. We are each others’ reflections and it’s not fair to anyone that we are living based on being small, medium, or large. It’s insane!

Each dimple in my body is there as a reminder of something powerful. Every scar on my breasts has taught me that I’ve survived powerful lessons…that I’ve overcome some incredible challenges. Each thought from my rape continues to inspire me to be more loving with those parts of me that used to feel ugly and disgusting. Every thought, movement, and freckle is an endless composition of what’s behind me and all the elements that are still ahead to finish a work of art with my name on it. I am a composition in the making until the day I die. I don’t want anyone remembering me for my beauty. Screw that! I want them to say, “That woman cracked me up and lifted me in moments of darkness.” I am not gonna be remembered for my weight, and neither are you. Superficial behaviors are lower vibrational issues and I refuse to live in that realm.

I can promise you from working with elderly folks that they don’t remember what size they were…they don’t care. They remember their first dance, their child’s birth, the first kiss, and everything that is meaningful…not that they went from a size 4 to a size 14. That’s so irrelevant when you are near death.

I can no longer hate a wrinkle because I have laughed, cried, rejoiced, and suffered with the awareness that each path has brought me here. I am a mother. I am a lover. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a student. I am so many labels and, yet, I am none of that but the essence of Oneness. So, sweethearts, no more comparing yourself to the pages of photo shopped ads, or celebrities who sensationalize something that is completely superficial. You have the power to shift and create your awareness. Do it! No more self-hate. No more comparing yourself to the exterior of others. What are we showing our daughters, nieces, sisters, and young friends? We must elevate consciousness and move beyond all of this. It starts with you, me and them. You are precious, priceless and perfect just as you are.

The magic in your life starts the moment you accept you. All of you. And in that moment others begin to witness an extraordinary light that is love.

Body Talk

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Let my body speak to you

through its texture,

shape,

color,

dimples,

scar,

age,

and hear what it says

in the silence of

the imperfections.

 

Let my body dance

swaying,

trembling,

yelling in movements

the mystery of me

never witnessed before,

challenging you

to let everything go.

 

Let my body be a sponge

taking you in,

draining you out,

and drying your own spirit

by way of mysticism

so divinity can sit

with us together…

forever as one.

Embrace your Fabulousness

forgive

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”~ Marianne Williamson

Matt, my husband, rolls his eyes and laughs most of the time when I compliment him.  It bothers me that he doesn’t see his fabulousness.  I find this man not only physically attractive but highly intelligent and stimulating.  He brings out the best in me as I am always in awed of him.  When I ask him, “Do you know how amazing you are?”  He asks me to “please stop.”  I tell him to take it and own it.  When the tables reverse and he compliments me I ask him to “please stop with the nonsense and go check his eye sight.”  Imagine that!  I have come to realize that we are the sums of those traumas from the past and all the peeps we handed our worth on platters.  It is time we take it back and stop fearing our greatness, fabulousness, and awesomeness!

I have never had a healthy acceptance of compliments, especially about my body or talents.  We can spend hours analyzing the root of this issue.  If hundreds of hours in therapy did not correct it I doubt that this post will.  But here is the thing I have learned about compliments and self-worth:  we truly fear them.  For the most part we hide behind what society expects from us. An older woman who was my neighbor at 18 (she was 94) said to me, “My sweet young woman, when someone hands you a flower what do you say?  You say ‘thank you.’ So, when a person compliments you look at them in the eyes (even if you don’t believe it) and accept the gift.”  Almost thirty years later I get the reason why.  If you are forced to share the moment and look at that person (stopping everything else in your head) you may see that they are genuine. We have been accustomed to disregard our worth, the natural beauty in our existence, and beat ourselves up because we can’t fit in some kind of social acceptance or perfection.

Body images change with fashion and fads.  Decades determine if size 10 is a healthy average woman’s size or size 2 is the new size 6.  Should your collar bones stick out so you can use them as soap holders? Should you plump up your lips like a bee stung them?  Is it healthy now to let your eyebrows grow out or should we still be plucking them into an arch that puts the shock factor on your face along with botox?  I can’t keep up, can you?  I stay away from those fashion magazines. I have never been good at following directions.

When I look in the mirror lately I don’t see myself.  It isn’t that I sit there examining.  I stare at the reflection brushing my teeth, often times in la-la land but catch a glimpse of a middle age woman who has come into her own.  I feel sexier now than I did in my twenties when I had a breast reduction, liposuction and the insane habit of dieting until I would faint.  I have many more laugh lines, wrinkles, freckles, and age spots. Each one of them maps out some incredible lessons.  I have a flabby but healthier body that climbs mountains, drinks wine, loves lattes, and at times indulges in some delicious dessert that I can’t pronounce.  And, yes, a few times a year I give everything a break and detox the middle age part of me giving up everything for a month or two or four until my friends beg that I go back to carbs, “please” because I am nicer when I eat junk.

I love watching the love of my life move.  I love studying his strong middle age body.  He might not like it but I find that each scar, dimple, and extra space is what allows more of him to love me.  Each time I embrace him I feel like I am with the sexiest man alive and I can’t understand why a magazine hasn’t posted this on their front page.  To me it is headline news.

As Marianne Williamson writes, “who are you not to” see yourself as beautiful?  Don’t let society determine what is beautiful. At what age do we stop worrying about body image, and what needs to be done, tucked, fastened, or covered up?  You are beautiful: curves, flab, scars, more or less.  It is the body given to you to journey on this life.  I don’t want to be perfect.  Hell no!  That’s a lot of pressure.  I want to be loved by those around me because of how I reflect parts of them.  If I can make you smile then I have done my part for the day.  These days when you hand me a compliment I will take it as a flower, put it in a vase, and relish that someone thinks I am special, beautiful or whatever else your spirit sees in me.  The returned words, “thank you” are magical in so many ways connecting us to each other.  Now go flaunt your spectacular-ness into the world.

 

I Wasn’t Me

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I found a box of pictures last night of when I was in my twenties and thirties.  I was shocked to see how lovely I was.  I never had the body of a twelve year old.  I was always curvy and full.  I was always dieting, worrying about my looks, and never enjoying just being me.  I look back and  I was definitely pretty.  I didn’t know it at the time. It wasn’t until recently that I actually met this woman that is now fully present in my body. That’s the thing with each passing year…while you are in your skin without acknowledging your worth and truth you just don’t accept your loveliness, beauty, and radiance.  I was all of those things and didn’t even know.  I wasn’t me.  I was pretending to fit into a life of a society that expected perfection. And because of that I always picked partners who would instill the lack of worth in me. It was a wonderful dramatic play. I needed to show I was a good mother, a wonderful business woman, a magnificent housekeeper, and a decent lover.  Everything had to be just so or what would the world think of me?  Nope, I wasn’t really being me.

This morning I glanced over at the middle age woman on the mirror brushing her teeth.  She’s no longer embraced by that lovely youth, or the concerns of opinions.  The purple and blue highlights in my hair along with the fairy tinsel strands were magnified with the bathroom lighting. The dark circles under my eyes and wrinkles diminished as I looked deeper into my soul.  I smiled.  “Ok, this is me.  This is the hippie lady in the mountains.  This is the me that was in there all along. I love you, lady.”

When was the last you actually looked at yourself and acknowledged your beauty: the inner and outer radiance of your soul?  We can live in the past mourning the loss of what we had when we didn’t even know we had it because just like now, we don’t live in the present.  We live in the past and the future.  This moment now….this minute stand back and tell yourself how beautiful you are.  See and feel your worth.  Stop the negative self hatred.  Love who you are right now.  It’s so important.  You will never be this young again.  You will never exist in this exact breath.  Take advantage of it.  Be gentle, be loving, and feel the magnificent spirit that is occupying the body.  You are amazing.  Be you today.  Forget who to be when the world demanded that you be one way or this way or any way.  Be the you that is here now!  Have a blessed day, darlings.  I love you all.

Body Talk

hands

Let my body speak to you

through its texture,

shape,

color,

dimples,

scar,

age,

and hear what it says

in the silence of

the imperfections.

 

Let my body dance

swaying,

trembling,

yelling in movements

the mystery of me

never witnessed before,

challenging you

to let everything go.

 

Let my body be a sponge

taking you in,

draining you out,

and drying your own spirit

by way of mysticism

so divinity can sit

with us together…

forever as one.